Actually I dont feel like "putting out" as american chums would say, think Id just like a cuddle this weekend, honestly I dont think it would be a problem to be fair to him hes not like that, but if it makes him think all the better!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Had a great tap class again last night, really made me realise how much I'd missed it last week, next week is not on due to school break but Im looking forward to going back again. Its also rekindled my love of dancing and I would definitely like to go places where you can have a dance and a wiggle, although here in the uk places like that for the forty somethings are a bit limited, well not unless you really want to look like youre having a MLC lol!
Chatted with H on msn again last night after I got back from tap, I said hi first for a change and after his initial greeting he replied, let me just finish this and I can give you my full attention, interesting that he wanted to make me feel attended too lol, WOA/QT/PT are all pretty much on a par with me and I suspect with him too!
Somehow Xmas got mentioned and I said I was cancelling it, conversation got a bit muddled and in the end I said I just couldnt be bothered would rather go away, to which he replied I was thinking perhaps we could spend Xmas day together! So I laughed and said "Aus or H" let me think on that and left it hanging! Actually my absolute perfect Xmas would be H and I visiting Aus for Xmas, but with the dire money situ not likely! But crikey hes thinking of being with me in nine weeks time thats a biggy! Although he doesnt realise thats really is the expiry date Im not going into 2010 in limbo!
Well we got chatting about tonights date, and I agreed F&B (american bar) would be just the ticket, was feeling good and fancied a bit of fun, this led into a conversation about whats fun, so I replied, having a drink, dancing, good fun conversation and letting my hair down a bit. Which led to a very honest conversation from me about not organising things in the past as I didnt know if he was busy or not having the confidence to just go ahead and take the risk, he agreed too that he'd been the same and had often missed the boat on things, tell me about it Ive given up how many times Ive said that would be nice to do and guess what we didnt! But he certainly was left the impression that I DID want to go out and have fun and let my hair down a bit!
Non cold hasnt arrived still but thats good, just really want to have lots of fun tonight but keep me reserved a bit if you know what I mean, although he did make great efforts to point out he was coming to see me, well and BC (he didnt want to look too enthusiastic) and not using me as a hotel for his trains. Just dont get the NC thing as he seems so eager to contact once he see's me! arrgggh WAS who needs one lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
So, Teddy Boy is still 'spitting it' as we say in Oz! I can't keep up with them to be honest Rabbit ... they confuse the shylock out of me. One minute it seems they are in the palm of your hand, the next they are in full walk the other way mode ... and they say that WE are fickle!
Glad that you enjoyed your tap class and that the non cold hasn't arrived - couldn't tap and wipe your beak all at the same time, unless you have perfect co-ordination - now that would be fun to watch!!
What did you think toward H's Xmas talk?? Did you feel that it would be a total cake eat or are you just too confused to even consider what he's thinking of right now? I guess that people are all well in to making their plans - everything in the shops tell us that it's not that far away.
Catch you in the burrow. I just don't have any wise words here for you right now, I'm afraid. I'm struggling myself today but just wanted to hang out for a while.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Still too shellshocked on the Xmas thing to comment lol!
You do make me laugh Nell you certainly are a breath of fresh air (()) Sorry your struggling today at least if we do it alternately we can boost each others strength!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well that was an interesting evening, didnt start too well, he arrived whilst I was showering an getting ready, no kiss hello said he run off and check his emails, so once ready he was still checking but no rush so I quickly returned my friends voicemail call and chatted with her, H came into the kitchen and said "mmm" at what I was wearing, some new jeans and the cute green and cream tunic I wore to the party a few weeks back, came off the phone and said "sorry I was a bit long, friend was excited about her lesson and also I thought better to ring her now than her ring me later whilst out"
Then his bomb, "oh btw Im not stopping tomorrow morning B rang me to say he was desparate for someone to fire, and I said I'd do it" "But you were spending time with me" I replied "well its a non date isnt it" So I replied "well in that case I'll go on my own" Teddy Boy suddenly appeared and said "oh in that case s*d you" So I continued putting my cardi on and getting my stuff together and then said "right are you coming" muttter mutter from Teddy boy about "thought you were going on your own" but I just ignored him completely. In the car conversation was stilted and actually I was thinking "s*d this" but I gradually nursemaided the conversation back to sensible land, but pointed out if he gets stitched up again by B he could say no and if he couldnt perhaps he could let me know so I dont miss out on things.
Onto dinner, restaurant hadnt really got going so we got shown to a seat a bit too quickly but we chatted and laughed, some how we got round to R talk, not deep R talk but me saying how I just didnt want to be a weekend bit of stuff and that I was fighting with how I felt and what I wanted to do and my need for him respecting me, he offered to sleep in the spare room if it help and pointed out he was going early anyway so it wouldnt be fair to wake me up. I also mentioned that he seemed to have his fun and then not speak to me until I put myself in his path (msn) again. My phone signal is dire he said so not easy to phone you, and I was on msn every night this week, (I didnt on purpose) and I only have two people on that email addy, you and S anyone else I chat too on facebook, so if Im on there its because I want to talk to you! But it would be nice if you txt me more, yes I could txt more he replied.
He also said I wasnt just gonna be a weekend date as he had two weekends coming up when he was busy he really wanted to try and meetup with me during the week, the first weekend its a photography outing with his course and the second weekend he said he was getting an induction onto the railway that is local to him. Cant have been very good at hiding my disappointment that again he was building a life down there. So he asked whats wrong, praying whilst replying I said "no the photography sounds great! What are you photographing?" So he told me about that and sounded interested and looking forward to it. Then I chipped in that I didnt want to date someone who was constantly planning, no building a life in another county. I felt comforted by his reply, "well you know the photo course is only this year, (ten week course) and the railway well lots of people join and do odd weeks during the year, its more relaxed than the G so I could do some known again, Im not planning/building a life down there just joining in with other things and its only two and half hours from the G, I noted he didnt say home, but he was really trying to point out it wasnt a permanant all the time thing!
We also talked about his theory on dating that he would get to see who he fell in love with and who he had what it was he loved for twenty three years (funny he said he didnt love me for nine of them before he left) I did say that god forbid that awful seventeen year old he loved was still there, I hoped not much preferred the forty something model. But I did worry he was looking for something that wasnt there!
So we said we'd go home and I pointed out I hadnt had a kiss yet, to which he said he didnt like to be too forward, be as forward as you like I can always tell you stop I laughed, on the way home I kept teasing him about how I needed a kiss and then laughed about the layby's and how he could pull over and kiss me, we giggled about two or three as we passed them and then finally with little notice he pulled into the last one and kissed me! home we came, and he checked mails again (saying he'd come over and give me his full attention when he had done that) I watched a bit of telly a new comedy show so was laughing my head off till it finished. Went over and sat on his lap and chatted non chat, then decided that I would offer him a nice massage, afterwards in bed I was quite thoughtful and he asked me what was wrong and I said "oh just me and my expectations getting in a knot" his reply "just give it time" but it sounded really genuine not a put off, so in a bid to rescue the situation and not look grumpy I started a pillow fight, which we had a great giggle especially when the cat lost the plot and started hurtling around with the wind up her tail and trying to bite our feet, a little game she has played with H since she was a kitten, sorta peekabo feet which often goes a bit ouchily wrong lol! Laughing I thought I'd push it a bit so held the pillows hostage saying I needed to hear three little words to get them back, NO TOYS OUTTA PRAM, shock horror, he quietly started saying "I love" and then with a big grin on his face he ended "this bed" so he got beaten with the pillow again as we fell about laughing. But even though he was joking it was said genuinely and I felt that maybe it wouldnt be too long he could use the three little words I really wanted (smacks herself upside of head for too much expectation). We cuddled and fell asleep and now he is gone again!
So perhaps this week I am going to be open about contacting him, not pursuing just more available on msn, and the odd txt to say hi and ask about his day? and see how that goes! If I was on mind reading duty which Im not, he has about six weeks on his lease and he's already mentioned Xmas wonder what else he's thinking lol!
Sorry its been a bit long just journalling as well as reporting in! Off to see how you all are.
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 10/24/0909:15 AM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Sounds like a whole lot of fun Rabbit ... forgive me for ducking out on you. I will reply more fully tomorrow - just not in a good place right now. (((Hugs)))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Firstly, I note that H liked what you were wearing - GREEN! Love it that you stayed on phone to your friend - that showed H you were not prepared to jump to him and make him your priority - I like your work!!
Another positive - H agreed that he should text you more. It was disappointing about being roped in to fire at last minute but you did react at that point. Play it again ... how would a better response have been, coming from you? Try to think of one now, so that if it DOES happen again, you will be ready with a much more controlled response.
You validated his hobbies well after that - maybe that would be a good place to catch his attention and say that you may like to go with him sometime to see how he is framing things. If he can see the beauty in what he captures in the lens, then it would be good to see that for yourself?? Maybe then you could stay over with him, not vice versa?! Just a thought.
It's hard to say whether or not they want you to be the old you or whether they want something new. The 'theory' is confusing. My H told me that he couldn't go back to what we had and yet he constantly makes remarks to how I once was and how much he loved that. Do they really know?? I don't think so - it's all part of the alien fog.
I don't get the urgency to check emails all the time with your H - what's that all about?? He plays the romance card of driving by all the lay-bys and then pulling you in to one for a snog ... then 'ruins' it by running for the computer!
You are so controlled Rabbit - saying that your expectations were getting in a knot was a good move. I feel that it tells your H that you are respecting that he has 'boundaries' too but you are hopeful and want to have more with him. I love the pillow fight and the moggle fighting with the toes!! Yeah, been there, done that one!
I do think that we misread the signs sometimes and, whilst we DB, give them space and expect that they will come to us, if the signs are there, a bit of gentle encouragement in the contact line doesn't go a miss, now and again. I think that we should just draw the line at cake-eating, which is where the struggle begins.
Overall, I say a very positive post from you! Let's have 'more of the same' for next time. I feel quite sure that you and H are going to get your train back on track, Rabbit. The signs are good.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
