NOTICE: In order to help the OnLine Community run more efficiently, we will be pruning the boards over the next few weeks. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them soon.
Page 13 of 37 < 1 2 ... 11 12 13 14 15 ... 36 37 >
Topic Options
#1839598 - 09/17/09 03:50 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: givingitmyall]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Yeah, I'm with you on that.

I was making the point that, there are so many reasons to make sure we've done everything we could. When she stopped me I didn't press it. Yeah, I don't want to guilt her into it.

Plus, her version of that solution is to stay seperated in the house. I don't want that, I want my W.

I'm starting to see what a lot of people have said. I don't want my old M back. I want something better.

I've had trouble balancing. I've let work strip me bare. I need to make changes for me. Either be OK with taking less responsiblity at work, or learning to cope better. If this works out, things need to be different.

Top
#1839608 - 09/17/09 04:09 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Quote:
Plus, her version of that solution is to stay seperated in the house. I don't want that, I want my W.


Preaching to the choir.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

Top
#1839618 - 09/17/09 04:21 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: givingitmyall]
Coach Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 5299
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
Quote:
Plus, her version of that solution is to stay seperated in the house. I don't want that, I want my W.


Preaching to the choir.



So give your wives the man they fell in love with.
_________________________
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Top
#1839627 - 09/17/09 04:23 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: Coach]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Quote:
So give your wives the man they fell in love with.


That's what "the work" is right now. Doing it.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

Top
#1839643 - 09/17/09 04:41 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: givingitmyall]
shellshockedga Offline
Member

Registered: 09/03/09
Posts: 128
But that is the tough part. 20 years ago, who was I and why did my wife fall in love with me? Great questions to ponder over the weekend.
_________________________
ME 41, Her 41
M 18.5 years
T 19.5 years
s - 12, 10
Bomb 7/12/09
Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09
She moved out 10/1/09 - present

Top
#1839767 - 09/17/09 08:37 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: Coach]
Greek Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 1451
Quote:


So give your wives the man they fell in love with.


Not so fast! Yes, recall those days of first love and the reasons for attraction, ultimately Love, and refresh those qualities. But do not forget, gentlemen, that your wife has grown, changed and made changes. In many ways, she is not the woman who fell in love witht you. You must get to know her again and attract the woman she is today. Only some of it is about you. smile

Greek
_________________________
Me45 H46
T25 M22
S21 & 19
D13
Separated and filed 8/08
Moved home 11/08



Happily ever after is one day at a time.

Top
#1839894 - 09/18/09 12:16 AM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: Greek]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Well, now she's having second thoughts about Retro...
Said she agreed to it even before she knew what it was -

Says, if it's going to be uncomfortable stuff like staring into each others' eyes, or group sessions, etc...

I said, no, it doesn't look like that. Well, I sent her the link. Hope for the best.

Didn't spend too much time with her tonight. She came and got a hug when I came home. Funny, when she does this, her hugs aren't very enthusiastic.

Did email tonight, she took a bath. Still distracted at work, but trying to muscle through it.

Top
#1839909 - 09/18/09 01:17 AM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
Sara Offline
Member

Registered: 06/10/07
Posts: 6350
Loc: Tampa, FL
No group sessions. No third party opinions. No touchy/feely exercises. Just a chance for both of you to think about your lives and talk about your feelings with each other, and only each other. A quiet, meditative weekend. it's really very nice.

Top
#1840267 - 09/18/09 03:59 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: Sara]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Hey guys -

Not a whole lot going on today, focusing on work today.

I have a really strong urge to call W. Really missing her right now. Could see myself this morning going into her room and crawling into bed with her.

I realize that we're in 2nd half of September now. Time keeps on passing, pushing to finalized divorce in Feb.

I've still got to detach and figure out how to feel ok just being me.

OK, boring post.

Top
#1840500 - 09/19/09 01:08 AM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
She's now worried about the cost of Retro (and the hotel). Said, maybe we can just do counciling. Again, she's not into this lets-work-on-it frame of mind. Do you guys know, what is the suggested donation, so I can tell her...

Really hard to not pursue tonight. Really wanted to grab her.

Anyway, put on a really good mood tonight for dinner. Had her laughing, the boys commented on it too. Don't know if it was being to accessable, but it was genuine, and it's been awhile that I've been in a good mood.

We took the boys to our Cub Scout pack meeting tonight. W did keep touching me to get my attention and make comments. Afterwards, regarding my interaction with the other parents, W said I have a confidence that is "very attractive."

I think that what I project and what I feel are pretty different things.

I did sit down next to her too often at home tonight. Put my hand on her leg at one point. Again, I just wanted to sweep her into a hug - just have this impulse that if I planted one on her this would all be over. Well, I didn't do that. And when it was her choice, she didn't come and sit next to me.

I guess I don't have anything really significant to say. Just want her so badly. It seems like she's so close, but still so far. It's a force of will to not pursue.

Yeah, detach, work on me, all that. I know.

Top
Page 13 of 37 < 1 2 ... 11 12 13 14 15 ... 36 37 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004