Your H is definitely interested and curious with the "new" Cas. Sanderika is right, his interest has been sparked by your appearance of being able to manage perfectly without him. This is the very thing that jolted my H out of his fog or whatever you want to call it, the thought that I didn't need him, could manage and possibly had someone else.
I agree with Sanderika, you could initiate an invitation to him now to do something with you and I am sure he will responde positively.
Sanderika, Oz and Nell, Thanks so much for your feedback and warm hugs to you all! I have read and re-read your posts tonight, trying to absorb all your pearls of wisdom.
I am agreeing that there is definitely something different happening with H. It's a tiny move in my direction but I feel that it's there.
Today I text H to tell him D was home from school and feeling quite low(She's had a fairly significant issue to deal with where both H and I believe she has been wronged and neither of us are parents who run in to save our kids). It is usual for me to text if the kids stay home from school. Usually H would respond "ok, thanks" and would phone/text D or S during the day. Today he replied to give his impressions after speaking with her last night. I asked what to do from there and he replied again with his thoughts and I said "Ok. Have a good day." He replied "U 2." Then he rang D and came over to visit with her and to offer her to come over to his place. He text her through the afternoon and then tonight invited her to dinner eventhough they were just there last night. This is like H of old!!
So I am seeing glimpses of the caring and loving H towards the kids and a definite move towards spending more time with them. He's definitely warmer towards me, too although I am a long ways behind the kids!!!
He's also back out walking everyday.
And D tells me that he's been commenting positively about the changes/tidying I've done around the garden.
I am still reluctant to issue an invitation. I don't want to seem like I am pressuring but also it is his birthday coming up so I will talk to the kids and see if we might do something for him as a family. I'm not sure about an invitation from just me. Losing my courage these days?
The seasons are changing Cas - and so are our H's!!!!
Ditto JCJ - what is the worse that can happen?? I so like that H is there for D with her troubles - more important than any of the rest of this as I am sure that you will agree.
How about inviting H for a birthday picnic on the beach - a family event and maybe some volleyball for them whilst you watch on (not up to it yet, I know). That way, H would be interacting with the kids directly but you would be involved - albeit from the sidelines ... ?? Depending on how things go, it could turn in to an evening barbie back at yours ... ??
Start laying down the seeds ..... and then feed them!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
H's reconnection to the kids gives H excuses/reasons to connect with you more and more.......
Keep in mind he wouldn't be doing it if he didn't want to......MLC H's ONLY DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.
The compliments about your efforts PROVES your H is watching you.
Gentle nudges, Cas......
H's upcoming birthday is a perfect chance for him to see a changed Cas in a "happy family" environment. I think a family planned event would be very good.
I think he is watching and if you keep it all up he will come around. Cas, what you are doing is working, maintain it and results will follow. You are ahead of the battle sort of speak. You have attracted his attention!!!!
Hugs and Good Luck!!!!!
(((((Cas)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Hi Cas Had a bit of a break from the boards, but am now catching up with stuff. It sounds like the others are right going NC has a least sparked his interest and caused the change in contact. I shouldn’t worry that he’s not doing much to help out, it’s more important that contact between you two is less stressful and confrontational. It follows that any pullback is less dramatic too.
I’d take it slow with the initiating though, you’ve been here before a couple of times, rushed in and then got knocked back (me too). Rather than an invitation to do something, why not next time he’s round just ask him if he would like a cup of tea/beer and then guage how the conversation goes.
I’m looking at it like this, if he wants to spend time with you he will, simple as. All you can do is make sure that any time you do spend together is pleasant so he wants to do it again. Only he can choose if he does actually do it again.
As for the birthday you do family meals for those events don’t you (it was one of the kids last right) why not suggest that you do that for his birthday?
Oh definitely he is wanting to see more of you and you have to be congratulated for your patience to get to this point.
If you want to do something for his birthday without appearing to pursue or anything, make it a casual event, anything, whether it be a day at the beach and casual dinner at home. By taking it slow and keeping it casual he won't be frightened off back into his tunnel (we don't want that to happen).
I am glad he is there more for the kids now especially your D, I do believe it is not just sons who need their fathers, daughters need them just as much and so this is great that he is back in their lives more now.
He will continue to come toward you Cas, it will be slow, but it will happen of that I am positive.
