The interesting thing Nell is that I didn't feel that I wanted to reach out and hug H on that day from an emotional perspective. I just felt that he actually needed a hug, almost to boost his spirits. Know what I mean?
Have you managed to get the book from the library yet?
I am interested in what you say about the respect aspect Oz. I have noticed that there is something different but I haven't been able to pinpoint what it is. Perhaps you are right and it is respect. Perhaps my boundary setting gave him a greater respect for me. Who knows really?
Julia, as always good question. Maybe things are different after NC. perhaps he really doesn't want to lose contact. However, although he responds politely and positively to me he still doesn't make any effort to contact me.
Hello Dia and Rabbit, too. Thanks for popping in. I am working on the detachment and the patience! It will be a work in progress, that's for sure.
My brother and his family will be arriving this weekend. last time they came H went to visit them. I am curious if either party will make contact again.
I do know what you mean Cas ... I too felt that about my H on Sunday ... I wanted to hug him as he looked so down and alone. He was thoughtful as he cleaned the pool and I almost felt that his soul wanted to sing out to me.
Not got the book yet - picking it up tomorrow. They sent it to the University library and not my regular haunt! Still, no problem as it's nearer. Can't wait to start reading - thanks again for the recommendation
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nothing much to report. H sent me a business email and when I replied, I wrote "Hi H, How are you?" and then proceeded with the business stuff. His reply " Hi Cas, I'm fine thanks and you?" and then the business stuff. Not exciting but a baby step from someone who would have just ignores that part of my message before and never ever asked how I was even when he knew I had tests etc.
My brother and his family arrive here tomorrow. I'm pretty excited! We have a family day Sunday.
Hope you enjoy the book, Nell, now that you've finally been able to track it down
And another little story. H bought a new table, seats 8. D asked why he would want to get such a large table and she thought he said for when he gets married and has children. Turns out D misheard and H had actually jokingly said, "It's for when you get married and have kids". D told H what she thought he said and his reply was, "Oh no! That's never going to happen!" D clarified did he mean get married or have more kids. He said, "Both." Bet that wouldn't excite ow.
I meant ow wouldn't be excited that H was so adamant that he wasn't ever getting married again. It just adds to the thought I have had for a long time now that she's not the 'one'. It will be interesting to see how things are between them when our business is finally sold.
Phew - didn't like the sound of that as I was reading it Cas, so glad that you have clarified!!
As you say, H asking after you too is a good step forward and all of those steps forward create a better picture for us to live within.
Looking forward to getting the book - my usual library closes at 12 and then the other one opens, so I have a bit of a round robin today! Got some shopping to do and then plan to sit in the 33 degree predicted day and start my reading.
Have a fab weekend catching up with your family Cas - enjoy every minute of it - you are so lucky :o)
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
H phones D and then takes her out to do errands for her. They arrive back and once again H doesn't come in. He hasn't been doing that of late where he used to quite frequently. I text "You haven't called in for a while. Too busy for us these days hey? ;)" H: "No, not at all. I didn't know if you'd want me to drop in and I didn't even know you were home." Cas: "Of course, you're welcome to call in." H: "ok. Good."
I tell him about the work event he helped me with last week and tell him of its success. He praises my success and throws in a teasing but positive comment related to a career dream I once had a million years ago.
It seems that when I initiate a convo he responds quite positively but he is still very reluctant to take that first step.
S is over with H again today. they are spending more time together. H is seeking both kids out more frequently these days.
In the very earliest days of things getting better with H, that's how it was. He didn't initiate, but he was animated and responsive if I called. Eventually that led to us having half hr or hr long conversations on the phone just talking and laughing. And eventually after that, he started to initiate calls/emails to me.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
