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Go GOLF, girl!! I know it's hard, I met my H at 19 and been married 20 yrs, so I'm not sure who I am without him. I am trying to find out though... I scheduled a massage and hair cut for tomorrow and while I'm at the spa the cleaning folks will be doing their thing to make my house spic and span. Charged to his credit card of course.
H 51/W 43 Together 24yrs/Married 19yrs 2 kids- D18 & S16 "I want out" July 2008 "I want out" Dec 2008 "I want you out" Aug 2009 Still in house thru it all
Our financial advisor called me yesterday and h had called her saying he had made a "mistake" and now needed the financials (for his l). She said he sounded almost arrogant about it. Now, remember h has been on his motorcycle trip and we've had NO contact.
So, I texted him "good night" (just out of the blue, doing a 180) he responded with, "can I call you tomorrow?" I told him I would be out at the Broncos game. Then he asked if he could call me on Friday night. I told him to call my cell (because of course I'll be out and about)!
So, now what? Just positive and upbeat when he calls? Gucci and Puppy Dog are you around to give me some advice? Anyone out there....
Me 51 H 45 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I've been reading and yet again you are posting about how someone else said your H sounded. Ok so he sounded arrogant with her. That doesn't mean he has to sound arrogant to you. You are expecting that from him now. I have watched my H be nasty to other people and turn around and be nice as pie to me, and vice versa. That is how he was with HER.
Expectations are a horrible thing because either way, you will be let down. You want him to say this or that, but maybe he says it one second and the next he is doing something else. Ok so maybe he will call you, maybe he won't. Even if he does, who knows what the conversation will be about. Maybe calm and nice, maybe not.
We all understand how you feel here. Please don't ever think we don't. But you have a wonderful opportunity at your finger tips and it is really the only thing you can do much about anyway. Find out who Golfgirl is. What does GG like? What makes her smile? What makes her happy? What makes her unhappy? Are there new foods you want to try? Have you always wanted a tattoo, to rock climb, to hang glide? You were twenty six when you and H met. It should be fairly easy for you to look back at who you were before and see what were you like before you met H? And is there anything you thought you wanted then that you didn't do, because of life, that you might want to try now? What was it in you that made you attractive to him and others that you are missing now?
I'm sort of jealous of you for that. I was barely 17 when I met H. My dreams were of graduating high school and going to college. I did that. But I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted that did not include him and OUR life. And when I looked back to who I was, well, there was nothing of major substance that any person would find attractive in a kid so I have had a whole bunch of work to do. I was simply more fun, less worried about day to day responsibilities, more go with the flow, and that all did last into my mid twenties, actually until S was born. Then I got all serious and sort of lost that part of me. So that is what I have been learning about myself. That is who I have been working on becoming because I liked her too. I didn't like who I have been these last several years.
Do the work and stop WAITING for H to make all of the choices. You have control over how you survive this.
Of course you can still have hope. You just can't pin everything you do, think, or say on that hope. The best thing is to work on self, make yourself happy, and that may or may not draw him back. But either way, it will probably take a lot longer than any of us want it to take. That is why, if you are going to hope for that, you HAVE to make your own life.
It all takes time. As Jack said, there is no magic bullet. But one thing to remember, which is really difficult for all of us, don't hide who you are becoming from H, if you have the opportunity for him to see it. Because if you do that, he will not know, realize, see that you have changed. You will still be the same ol, same ol. And you aren't.