Journaling..... Thinking about being in the right mindset to slyly flirt with H tomorrow evening when we go to dinner............First of all, I gave H the option of meeting him at restaurant or having him pick me up. He offered to pick me up at the house. Secondly, when I accepted H's invitation to dinner, I declined the first date he offered (told him I had prior plans) but was available tomorrow. I also said that he should surprise me with the restaurant he chooses,....that surprises are GOOD. Finally, last time I spent an evening with H was about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I was in a playful mood and flirted with him a bit (told him he needed to feel my firm derriere, told him I was having my main drain cleaned out the following day...that a girl needs to have her main drain cleaned out every so often, and played adult Mad Libs with him (I highly recommend this)). We ended the evening in a friendly manner calling back and forth farewells as I walked away from his car. As best I can tell this was just a few days after relationship with OW ended.
Fast forward to this week.....H showed up at the house unnanounced on Saturday afternoon to fix an electrical problem in the back yard. I just happened to be getting ready for an evening with friends, had on full make-up, wet hair, and a bathrobe. I walked out to visit with H. We ended up chatting for 30 minutes or so. The neighbor's cat was visiting (he practically lives at the house....funny) so I went into the house to grab the Halloween costume I had bought for the neighbor's cat and H and I spent about 10 minutes dressing the cat and taking photos. (It was amusing if you were there. I kept worrying that the cat would run off and show up at his owners' house later wearing the court jester outfit I had dressed him in. )
Anyway, during the course of taking photos as I was stooping to hold said cat I commented to H that he might catch 2 pu$$ies in the photo. I wonder if that registered with H because when I sent him a photo of MY kitty cat (I have a cat too, which is why the neighbor's cat visits frequently) wearing her witch costume, H replied to my e-mail with "I think the Pu$$y Party Girl shot is possibly the best one SHE's ever had".
Question to group: Could this be a sign that H is moving into flirty territory with me? We have been in firm friendship stage since June but I haven't succeeded in moving to stage 3.
1) The look - your outfit, hair, teeth, nails, makeup, perfume, etc. should be immaculate. Think about what he likes and go that direction. Don't tart it up too much unless that IS what he likes.
2) I agree with the folks who said not to go over the top with it.
3) Think back to what worked when you were courting - do some of that.
4) Classic flirting gestures: toying with a lock of your hair, reaching to touch his hand or arm when talking, smile a lot, make eye contact, lick your lips ever so subtly, use a fingertip to circle the rim of your water/wine glass, offer bites of your dinner or dessert to him on your fork and let him feed you the same way if he offers.
5) Be attentive. Listen and ask him leading questions about whatever he's saying. Let *him* shine. Make witty comments, but let him do most of the talking.
I hope that doesn't seem too basic.
Best wishes!
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Question to group: Could this be a sign that H is moving into flirty territory with me? We have been in firm friendship stage since June but I haven't succeeded in moving to stage 3.
It might be. Just Don't attach too much significance to it one way or the other.
You are getting some great advice from the women on flirting, and it sounds like you have been doing some of that already. Keep it up.
Good luck on your date tomorrow. And, don't forget to have fun.
Definitly lots of just brushing arms, lots of subtle saucy inuendo's, make love to your desert with your mouth linger over it, make him want to be desert, slide your heels down his leg, if he looks perturbed just say your not used to high heels! twist your hair round you finger, I have curly hair so that was easy.. if you stand at the bar waiting for a table, lean into him a little, I was lucky guy next to me was like an ashtray so was able to use getting closer as an excuse to avoid ashtray man.. Listen to him and leave gaps that he has to fill, giggle like you used to when he first told you his awful jokes you laughed because you wanted to! Order some drinks yourself, look independant, make sure you sit him the side of the table that he can see you coming back from the bathroom and sashay back and work it! If he laughs at you just tell a girl has to try and seduce a man sometimes, dont say husband and dont mother him, no wiping the stray sauce of his chin.. Do things that remind him of that first meeting, as both of us had lost lots of weight and H was lying on the settee I jokingly asked to see if we could both get on their like we used to as teenagers, then started to get off and got pulled back and the rest is a night to remember lol! You know your H use it to the best ability!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thank you for the pep talks and great ideas!!!! I only work a half day today, so will be studying these and my notes from Jody this afternoon. My sister phoned to say that I should have some fun topics of conversation planned. Yesterday I went to AAA to pick up books advertising tours to Europe. H and I enjoyed traveling and had planned to go to Greece someday in the future.
Dia, last night I gave myself a facial mask, microdermabrasion (mild, so no redness), and night moisturizer for face and decolletage......helps to make women of a certain age look more girlish.
Thank you all! Wish me luck. I will report back, if not tonight then tomorrow.
Thank you for the pep talks and great ideas!!!! I only work a half day today, so will be studying these and my notes from Jody this afternoon. My sister phoned to say that I should have some fun topics of conversation planned. Yesterday I went to AAA to pick up books advertising tours to Europe. H and I enjoyed traveling and had planned to go to Greece someday in the future.
Dia, last night I gave myself a facial mask, microdermabrasion (mild, so no redness), and night moisturizer for face and decolletage......helps to make women of a certain age look more girlish.
Thank you all! Wish me luck. I will report back, if not tonight then tomorrow.
GAG
Good luck, and we will be looking for a report on it.
Don't forget to RELAX and have fun. If thinkgs don't go exactly as planned, don't sweat it-just go with the flow.
Well the big “date” night was a bit anti-climactic. H was late because he had taken his mother to her weekly hair appointment this afternoon (there a mix-up with her senior citizens shuttle ride reservation) and was dropping her off at her new apartment. She moved to her senior citizens apartment 1 1 /2 weeks ago and has had several episodes in which she demanded to move home to her old house.
H arrived in blue jeans (we had not discussed where we would have dinner. I had told him to surprise me.) I looked great! H looked at me a bit surprised when I opened the door and said “You look great!” Me (smiling): “Thank you. It’s my birthday! I decided to dress up.”
H was distracted and cranky for the first 30-40 minutes of the evening because he had a work glitch and needed to find a solution before 5am tomorrow morning (he is the president of a small business). It took about 45-60 minutes to begin loosening him up.
I listed positives and negatives from this evening below. I was surprised after looking at the list that the positives probably outweighed the negatives.
Negatives: • H was pretty distracted….on the phone initially (I suggested the solution that solved one of the management problems he arrived with.) • H had to call an early end to the evening to drive 2 hours tonight to deliver a set of truck keys to one of his employees.
Positives: • H could have cancelled dinner with me but didn’t • H spent 3 hours with me. • He spent $110 on dinner and didn’t complain about it. • H and I DID share several laughs. • H said he paid too much for the house he bought in May, so life is not as rosy as he thought it would be.
Thanks for checking in. Stay tuned for more tomorrow.
Birthday "date" continued (the "racy" stuff is at the end of the novella)......
H was distracted and cranky for the first 40-50 minutes of the evening. It took about 45-60 minutes to begin loosening him up.
I had a bouquet of long-stemmed copper colored roses on the dining room table for him to see when he arrived. He didn’t comment. Don’t know if he noticed.
Topics of conversation:
His mom, who moved out of her home 1 ˝ weeks ago has had several episodes in which she demanded to move home to her old house. Understandable but nerve-wracking for him, I’m sure.
I had visited his mother earlier that week with my cat in tow. H said that his mother really enjoyed the visit from us. He said “She can’t remember much but she told me all about cat’s visit…..how cat had a really cool cat carrier (I showed him her new cat carrier: faux black leather with white cat cartoons on the side and lined with fake leopard fur). He laughed and said “Mom wants one of those.”
Touched on how my work ethic is something that I learned in my family of origin. That it took the seismic shift caused by his departure to shake me out of this pattern, and that I was very happy that that happened because I’m much happier in my life now.
H at one point said he thought he had been so busy with work for the past year (in this regard our roles have completely reversed----I play and he works all the time now) because of God. When I questioned him about what he meant he inferred that he thought God had made him so busy to show him why I had worked so much when we were together. Me: “You don’t really think that I took your mojo, do you?” H: “No, I don’t think that you are responsible for my work schedule.” Me: “You’re the president, the big boss. You call the shots. You are in control. You can make your schedule whatever you want.” H: Shrugged shoulders.
I talked about how my clinic work is great because I don’t do the boring stuff, I deal with very interesting psych issues that patients have, but I have very little “on call” time. Said I chose my profession because I was married to a med student when I made the decision. I thought that if I became a doctor I would be “on call” for the rest of my life. I didn’t want that (I said that largely because I knew OW was a doctor). He looked very interested and said that my work sounded very interesting.
I told H that I had become more spiritual over the past year. He looked interested.
I pulled out travel brochures of Greece (Jody suggested this) and told H I had gotten these because I was thinking about taking a trip to Greece (this is a place I know H would like to visit). H said that his monthly expenses were such that he didn’t feel like he could afford a vacation (looked annoyed by this). He said he paid too much for his house. I said “Do you mean the purchase price….or everything that you’ve put into it?” He said, “Everything. The sales price and what I’ve put into it.”…..so it seems that in spite of me allowing H to call most of the shots over the past 12 months H is still not happy. He seems depressed (he was pretty manic-y when he left 1 year ago. Thought leaving me would make him happy.) Wonder if H has figured out that I was not the major source of his unhappiness yet????? Happiness comes from within.
H asked “What have you been doing lately?” H asked me about my involvement in the cycling club. I told him I had been thinking that going for a hot air balloon ride would be really fun this fall. H sounded very interested.
I had my camera and pulled it out to show him photos of (this gave the visual impact of my GALing): • visit with my cat to his mother’s new apartment last weekend • cat in her Halloween costume • my trip to DC 2 weeks ago. • Rascal Flatts concert. We were very close to the stage • Bike trail I rode a few weeks ago. He said “that looks nice”.
Throughout the M, H had often asked me to wear clothes that showed off the girls… Mid evening I said to H: “So how is this cleavage doing? Is this a good amount to show?” H: “yes, it’s good.” Me: “….because I’m not used to showing the girls like this and I’m not really sure what looks good. Should I be doing something else with them?” H: “No. That looks JUST fine.” Me: “How would you know? I haven’t seen you look at them?” (then I gestured with 2 fingers (the ‘peace sign’ fingers) toward my eyes and then pointed to HIS eyes, making the point that we had been looking each other in the eyes, so how could he be checking out the girls?) H: “What makes you think I haven’t looked at them?”
Throughout evening I kept stroking my hair, slowly ate my food off my fork using tongue, slowly ate bread and then licked the sun-dried tomato butter off my fingers, and circled the top of my wine glass with my finger. Chose my seat initially so H could watch me walk to and from the ladies room (LOVED that suggestion Lost Rabbit!). I swayed my hips walking to the ladies room …..but on my return I was bummed that H was talking on his cell phone about work stuff and didn’t look up, however, I DID manage to get a head turn from one of the men sitting at the next table (atta girl!). Irritated, but not a quitter, I decided that when H left to go to restroom I would be standing, bent over (slightly arched back) looking into my purse when H returned to table with my derriere pointed toward him (I must have stood in this position for about 5 minutes. I’m sure the people at the next table were wondering what the heck I was looking for in there.)
H has always been a cool cookie this way. One of the things I loved about him was that when we were together I never saw him looking at other women. 6 years ago when we began our relationship it initially turned romantic after he made a half-hearted attempt at a goodnight kiss on a date and I turned back on my way out of the car to kiss him back. THAT kiss lasted an hour and a half ---- we always remembered that ‘kiss’ fondly (sitting in a convertible, top down, on a warm September evening under a clear starry sky with a canopy of trees overhead…..in front of my house, putting on a show for the neighbors. ☺ ). • We both talked about it during our “date” thursday, both appearing wistful with the memory. This makes me wonder, if I need to make the first move, like on our early dates……..but haven’t I done that by flirting with him?????? The flirting is my “something new” with him, I’ve validated for 10 months with him, very platonically, and this has helped inch us forward in microscopic steps. With D-day approaching I thought I would try something different. Time will tell how this worked.
I told H that since he had spent so much on dinner for me I would make him a nice dinner sometime if he wanted. He said, “yeah, with a REALLY expensive bottle of wine (implying that I should spend a lot on my dinner too.)
If anyone has managed to make it to the end of this tome I would be curious about your feedback.
It sounds pretty positive all told GAG. It's small steps and you've taken several with dinner and now there's an opening for you to issue a dinner invitation. Good on you for following the 'flirting tips' provided by the other ladies.
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