Have an affair!! LOL. Can't believe people would offer that as a solution, Oz. Even my H said that if he had his time over again he would not have taken the path he did.
After my hospital stay I wrote H a card to thank him for bringing the kids to visit, esp on D's birthday. (He organised a cake for her and brought it to the hospital for us all to share). I then decided not to send it. Last week I finally finished all my thankyous and reconsidered the card to H. I changed my mind, thinking that I should acknowledge any positive actions on his part. I posted it the other night along with the rest and forgot all about it. Today I got a text from H to thank me for the card.
I was really surprised Nell because I had forgotten I'd even sent it as it was posted in a batch with the others. It was a very pleasant surprise.
Last time when H and I made progress I felt it was based on me recognising his qualities, his efforts with the kids and his acts of service. Maybe, I was onto something, I just didn't keep at it without expectations! I will keep on this path now and test it.
In addition, I think H and I lost a lot of fun in our R, especially when I was ill and the period before when I was just too tired to do anything more than work and be a Mum. I have to think of ways to put more fun into things without pressuring. Perhaps our texts on saturday about the 'roots' were a small sign that we can still have fun with each other.
That's what db is anyway...finding ways which bring H closer. On I go!
When H first left he gave me both Christmas and birthday gifts. I gave him a 'peace plant' once, the first Christmas. He had the card on display for quite a while after.
I have given him nothing since. Last year on his birthday we even had an argument. On my birthday earlier this year he came to visit and sent a text but no card or gift.
Suggestions? Stick with nothing? Something personal? for his house? an invitation? something fun?
Something small and meaningful .... think about what makes H tick and go for something that represents an interest, hobby or something that he really cares about - then try to personalise it.
For my H's birthday a few years back, I bought a holiday to Monkey Mia (for those who don't know, it's where you can go and handfeed dolphins which swim right in to the shoreline). I then got a dolphin soft toy and tied the plane/accommodation tickets to his back and wrapped it. H was blown away!
Now, that's surely too much money to spend in this scenario but think along those lines but cheaper ... can't find anything? How about a tacky pink fluffy pen from Thingz?!! It would make him wonder what you were up to ... and laugh himself inside out, if only for the stupidity!!!
Difficult to suggest really Cas when you don't know someone. How about a book?? I hear that DB; DR and 5 LL's are really good!!!!
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 10/05/0909:53 PM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Yes people are odd when they suggest ridiculous things such as having an A to spite someone. Not my thing definitely.
I think it would be nice to get something for your H. Maybe an invitation to do something fun. Takes a bit of pressure off a gift type thing but gives you some time together. Definitely nothing for his house though.
