Solid advice there Cas - I think that I shall email him though - firstly, it won't be awkward if he's 'having a moment' and not wanting to take a call and secondly, it will give him some time to think about an excuse if he doesn't want to/is not ready to, meet up!
OMG - I almost feel like I have to post all of my emils on here now for fear of upsetting a friend - never mind H!!
What are you doing today??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Email sent Cas! Said that I was going to be in the city, would be nice to meet for coffee, new friends trying to set me up but not interested - find it quite insensitive. Just wanted to know that all was well.
That should be OK. Gee, this feels like I'm DB'ing two fellas! Ha, in Kylie's famous words, I should be so lucky! (Couldn't cope with all of that complication)!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
DB two males is challenging alright! I test it out on my s as well as H. Went to coffee with my Mum while my car was being washed. Mum wonders why H keeps in contact. We both think what happens between H and ow will be interesting when business sells.
And she laughed when I told her about yesterday's texts. Mum says if H was really out he wouldn't give a dam* about me and what I'm up to and wouldn't encourage conversation between us. He would attempt to shut it and all contact down.(#1849298 - Yesterday at 01:53 PM)
I agree with your mum, for what it's worth. I also think that yes, it will be interesting when the business sells. (When will that be finalised?).
I don't know why it is that WAS keep that eye on what they have walked away from. Even though my H has little to no contact with me, as you know, he still likes to know what has been going on when we do pass the time of day!
I consider that part of their behaviour is control. Ws are the ones who normally end up running the show and I think that WAH's, especially MLC'ers, find the taking of control to be quite the aphrodisiac.
So lovely that you have your mum to go for coffee and chats. I expect that she worries for you. I only have my sister back home and the one coffee that we did go out for in June was so special to me - I shall keep that memory with me for some time to come.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Cas - bless you. You have NO idea.
My sister, marvellous though she is in her own way, wouldn't even drive two hours to see me in hospital when I had major surgery a few years back! It's not her role in life. She is the family matriarch and it's our duty as workers to go to the Queen Bee and scurry around like drones. You get my drift?
Ask for money - it's there. Ask for a two minute chat on the phone, you got it (I won the lottery the other evening when I got almost two hours but then she was home alone)!
As for her flying over to sleepy-ville, forget it!
She's lost patience with my H - I also think that she feels that I should lose patience with him too but tolerates my current DB'ing as she can see that it is helping me to move along, albeit very slowly. In her heart, I know that she is worried but she's not one bit demonstrative - I am the emotional, sentimental one and she is hard and practical. I take in the waifs and strays and she firmly shuts her door in their faces!
Two sisters have never been more chalk and cheese - we love each other dearly but there's still a 'distance' between us. I just wonder how different she would have been if I had been widowed and not that my H had left me.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I see Nell....... always looking for practical solutions and obviously that's not one of them! I have quite a large family and it's interesting to see how each handles these issues so differently. Some have never even mentioned H's name again, almost as if he died. Others mention him in mocking/derogatory tones, others are concerned for his well being(and mine) and still others made contact with him. Just shows how different we all are! However, the overwhelming majority just want me to walk away and forget him. I don't tell my family that ultimately I wish he'd come back. They just don't get it and they don't want me to go on hurting. They have a point and I'm nearly at the end but I think I'm waiting for the business to sell and for settlement to occur and then I think the book is closed for me. then I can say, i gave it everything.
I don't really care what others think!They weren't there when he slept at the hospital with me all night when I was scared. they weren't there when he was at every chemo or driving back to get new medications for me or cleaning up after me. It's all up to me. It's all up to you Nell, too. You make the choices for you and you alone!
Something that bothers me a bit is that when my BIL and his wife came here to visit they didn't contact me. They spent lots of time with H and saw the kids but not me. I found that hurtful given that I have been part of the family for so long. It's like they've taken sides and since H and I don't have sides I feel a bit pi$$ed.
It interests me greatly Cas that friends and family behave the way that they do at these times. I understand them not wanting for us to be in pain and yet they show no sensitivity toward the pain that their words and actions bring upon us.
I got an email from a friend back home this morning and it is totally wounding. It's all wrapped up in jollity and fun but the bottom line screams out at me. This friend is frustrated at why I would stay here on my own and why I would 'hang around' waiting for H. I really feel that there is still a big stigma around D - especially from my original culture.
I also consider that, if I did give in to them all and went home, I would still be alone. They all work and have their own families so what would I gain?? The novelty of having me home would also wear off really quickly, so then where would that leave me? At least here I have the sunshine and beaches, I am still near enough to H for a thaw to take place and for now, I have a job.
Of course, my precious babies are a a concern and yet there was my sister (now that you understand that one!) telling me to go off and work on a cruise liner for 6 months!! People haven't got the first idea, do they??
Looking at what you have written about your family - it appears much the same. I am certainly learning not to care and that has always been H's philosophy too. Ironic thing is, he's not been the one to face them all, so why should he care??
Oh Cas - it's just as well we have found this place and can all understand and support one another until we make our final move.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Just dropping in to say Hi and catch up on you. I admire your strength Cas to keep going as long as you have together with facing your health battles and surgery.
I mean't to also say,that it is interesting the different way family and friends react. I never told my mother about what was happening because I knew the reaction would be "he was never any good, I told you so, blah blah". The last time when H took all his clothes and said that was it, friends were encouraging me to go and have an A. Like that was going to help the situation.
