I dont want him to believe I am wearing it or asking him to go with me to cover up the embarrassment of it all, I am proud/no longer frightened to say that I am fighting for my marriage, that I have made a lot of mistakes and Im trying to change for the better for me and hopefully to win H's love back. I just think that a funeral is totally the wrong place to make a statement about us
So Rabbit, in your explanation I think you have provided the answer. You are going to the funeral to honour your friend. It's not about you or H. It's about your friend.
You want H there for him, not to cover embarassment or fear. Whether you're wearing a ring is really immaterial then. The fact that you two are there as a couple is the primary consideration. Rings are only a secondary issue. It's probably too early for such a discussion so you make the decision and put them back on unannounced or leave them off. If you put them on and H questions it, you can simply say "Let's talk about it after the funeral" At this stage, I would be inclined to leave them off. The statement to others is there in the fact that you are at the funeral together.
I agree that it's your choice whether to wear the rings or not. I haven't been able to wear my rings since my operation (Started out the beginning of the year by breaking my ring finger...now is that foreshadowing or what?!) and if people want to gossip because I'm not wearing rings then I really don't care! There are many valid reasons why someone might not have their rings on.
Just seems like with the situation so fresh in you guys getting back together, even mentioning the rings would kinda put him on the spot and even though it's not a big thing - being a guy he might take it as a big thing....especially if you ask him to wear his. You can't stop gossips if they want to gossip... you might wear your rings and they still might notice some other stupid thing to gossip about.
I do think you have hit the nail on the head, I want to go with him as husband and wife, rings dont really matter, I would like to wear mine but perhaps the key is not say anything about H wearing his, I got my knickers in a right royal twist at mum & dads wedding do, and he just did it all the more! Although I do have to say I think that side of my H is not around at the moment but I dont want to help it rear its ugly head again do I?
Will think on it some more and come back to this later!
Went to tap class last night and enjoyed myself gonna take a while to get back in the swing and despite being reasonably fit from riding madam it was hard work!
Anyway got home and no Mr Rabbit on msn, so at nine thirty I had an impish moment and txt him saying "got bored of waiting for you to msn, Im off to play with my pu$$y!" Well he couldnt get on there fast enough lol! Asked me if I had enjoyed my dancing, so S had let the cat outta the bag on that one, so I replied "yes it was fun although I had a bit of trouble with my pole" conversation carried on like this
H "yes I know the problem" R "well you wouldnt have if you me sort it" H "Im currently being asked to fire sat" R "thats nice" H "so not sure if to come up fri/sat or sat/sun" R "im confused" H "you been sniffing wine again" R "no just the cocodomol" H "mmmmm" R "youre not thinking late at night again, you know its bad for you" H "no Im talking to M & A (railway mates) R "at least im better looking than those two" H "also emailing A" (old singing mate) Rabbit inwardly panicking that H is going to join operatics again down there that would be definitely a spanner job! R "thats nice" H "yes we keep planning to meet up but he's been working (policeman) and I have to keep coming to B (home) R "no one is making you I can always show my pole dance to someone else" R "wonders if there is a pole dancing section on match.com
Well it just went on and on naughty inuendos about poles and dancing, and a few more jokes about if hes not interested I can get a replacement, and he joked his pole has never not been interest, and I laughed that we lived at no 29 not you know the other number lol! Laughed about finding a costume for my pole dancing and just kept reeling him in and in lol! Then finally H said "im a bit worried there seem to be a lot of poles and Im english" (sorry anyone with polish background)
Upshot is Im off early to get something pole dancing appropriate for this evening, and guess whos coming back early again, only for fri/sat as I have stuff to do with madam all weekend, but he cant seem to stay away. He could have so easily said no this is my one weekend at home in three weeks to the railway and he didnt! Only spanner is S is going to be home for a bit and I went "mmm gonna rouine my romantic eve with your dad" to which he replied "dont worry I can take my PS3 to my room" so I blew him several kisses.. He probably thinks his parents are mad making out like a couple of teenagers again but it seems to be working and it is quite good fun!
Funtastic Rabbit ... I'm gonna have to find me some new buddies ... you and Oz are disappearing fast though I am very, very happy for you both :o)
As for the rings, don't know what all the fuss is about really. We are talking October now and, if I know the good old blighty weather, it will be freezing cold and you will have gloves on!!
Nah, talking to my sis last night, she tells me that it is sunny and warm at the moment. Exactly as it was a year ago when H and I came home for a month. That's gone so quickly - oh to have that time back again and know what I know now.
Have fun over the weekend. Catch you when you get back from Pole-land!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Great conversation! No wonder he is coming back again & again! You and Dia and Oz inspire me to keep trying to slowly push my current comfort zone with the flirting! (Not where you guys are yet in my R but H is seeming receptive to some new flirty talk/behavior.)
I'm so glad you guys are hanging around to inspire people like Nell and me! If my relationship can be saved, I'm going to be pretty confused about how to handle things in the beginning so that I won't fall back into old, bad behaviors. So I'm taking notes from you guy's posts...hope I get to use the ideas!
is a killer, you want to try shopping for frillies with s*x on your mind lol! Bought a pretty lacey strappy top with matching undies, I so seriously could become a lingerieaholic, it sure beats saddlecloths lol!
Was going to ride Madam but decided a) leg was seriously sore after walking round the shops and b) she is going to quite busy for the next three days so deserved a rest.
Had txt H in the morning and mentioned we had a little klingon (S) for tea so what did he fancy, and signed it pole dancing pu$$y so much sexier than HID (her indoors). So he asked for fajitas and plenty of alcohol, so got dinner sorted out as well!
Only thing I hadnt anticipated, H arrived half an hour early and my hair was still in big curls ala Hilda Ogden Nell but still looking sexyish. We had a cuppa and talked about things, he kept talking about his life down there, and as we sat cuddling on the settee, he talked more about joining this and that! And taking this and that from our home as he has a week off but isnt coming up here for a few days into it! I finally had enough of him rubbing my face in his new life and sexily turned round and said words to the effect, if you keep rubbing my face in certain things I can and will retreat behind my boundaries I do have some you know! Intimating that I wasnt going to be his weekend sex kitten if he carried on building a life to go back too with no intention of building a life with me ever again! Im definitely no victoria sponge!
Have you ever tried to kill four and half hours when either of you quite frankly cant wait lol. We went to pick up babycakes new antibiotics and then I suggested going for a pre-dinner drink.
Great idea says H, so I order wine and g&t for H and I wanted to order some bread nibbles to soak up the large glass of wine I'd ordered, but tis the sorta pub you get a table no then order food so a bit of panic set in and I TOLD H to get a table, he gruffly said no rush and I twigged what I had done. So I smiled, said youre right daft me lets go find a table and come back and tell the gentleman where we are sitting, with that H went to look for one and came back and told the man no 17, thats appropriate I laughed, I chose it on purpose or something like that from H, when I went round the corner there were three tables and H had not avoided no 17 but picked it on purpose, we got married on the 17th.
We spent an hour stroking and stealing lingering kisses from each other whilst H pretended to read the menu, think the staff were blushing, H teased me that he expected that they thought he had taken his secretary out for drinks and we were having an affair.
On the drive home
H "can I say something" R "please do" H "did you realise that in our conversations so far you have referred to yourself about eight times as 'a wife' You make yourself sound like a job description you are a woman first and a wife/parent second" R "thank you for that youre right and its something Im working on, I enjoy being a woman now, I feel great, sexy and most of all its fun" H "Im really glad you are enjoying being yourself its important" R "and Im enjoying you feeling able to share something with me"
We went home and cooked dinner with S he made nachos which he is fab at, and we cooked the fajitas, S kept telling us to "get a room" and saying "it was disgusting at our age" but the I expect he is secretly pleased we were getting on so well!
Well S carried on playing wallflower after dinner, and subjected us to watching him play Fifa10, snoringly boring! But he finally left to pick up his GF from the station and stop over at hers! So I snuck upstairs and put on my pole dancing outfit and killer heels and proceed to show H the goods, well he was suitably impressed and again a fun night was had by both!
In the morning we snuggled and ML again, and some how we ended up talking about complaints and I said "in future if you have a complaint bring it straight to the complaints dept" meaning I want you to share things with me! So he promptly replied "come on wheres that coffee"
He showered and sat on the bed, looking sheepish, so I teased him that he looked sheepish like someone who had woken up in the wrong bed, he smiled and said if he didnt want to be there he would have snuck off at six in the morning! Anyway he collected his things together and todded off to do his own thing!
Im loving all this "courting" for want of a better word, but I know that it cant go on like this for ever, and also that I want some sort of commitment to a relationship from him, still no ILY, although he did mention again "is it nice being desired" to which I replied "yes but there are better words for that, although I understand that is just a bit too scary for you atm" meaning I so want to love me! He got the gist but its not coming yet! I have had a fantastic time again, but why do I just feel like crying, there is so much I could journal so many little clues but my head is spinning, I know he wants to be with me, but that MLC/Alien man is still present, I do think/know that if he renews his lease and the new job he is pursuing is the same side of london to keep his place, Im going to have to start doing WAW, it scares me but I dont want to be a six month affair going no where!