OK Cas, so do you want to settle? If it's the same where you are as here, you will know that you can disagree and that will buy you some time whilst the family court sends you to mediation (apparently that's mandatory in getting you both back to stage one where you will find an agreement), so I have been told by the legal eagles over here. They told me that this can take months but I guess that it's all about how long you want to hang on for ... or not. Glad that D has not been mentioned.
Originally Posted By: Cas05
other stuff but I can't remember it all...it's all out of sequence. In the mean time I received a difficult phone call and I had to ring him back. He asked what was wrong when I rang back and I told him about the call and he was very caring and helpful.
No wonder it's out of sequence! It's so damned upsetting that it's a wonder we know our own names at the end of it all.
I hear that this 'difficult' phone call was something entirely diffent though and I am glad that your H was caring and helpful. I hope that it works out OK whatever it was and I hope that your H will continue to support you with tonights news.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I also forgot to say that I told H quite clearly that there was no place for him to be swearing, shouting or name calling. He agreed.
So bottom line I guess is that I have blown nc!!
Do I want to settle? I am probably ready but I have a fear about finances so I need to face it and get it over with. I am probably having difficulty with facing the fact that it's all over but with or without financial settlement it's all over anyway. I'll sleep on it!
Julia, I suspect it's because I have had no contact and this was one way to get me talking to him and it worked. This was exactly what happened the other times I had NC and DB coach said to abandon. I should have recognised it but I didn't until I had replied. However, maybe it was for real. Time will tell. A 180 would be for me to come back with a proposal but I said i wouldn't cos this was what he wanted and although I wouldn't stand in the way of his happiness I wouldn't instigate the process.
Oz, the call was about a family member who had some difficult health news. It's upsetting but still a little up in the air so time will tell. Thanks for your care
When H said he wanted to be friends but didn't want me pressuring/nagging I agreed that I had done this. I can see it now after reading Dia's thread and having had time by myself without contact with H.
Well, I slept and woke and it's not really any clearer!!!
I am thinking that I will organise the financial settlement with him, ready for the sale of the business. Then it's all done and not hanging over my head anymore.
Then we are both financially independent. I then know any moves toward friendship are genuine and not just trying to keep things smooth for the best possible outcome.
It would also be a 180 for me to take this to the next step.
I'm thinking I ask for the divorce at the same time and then there's nothing left...it's all over and done and we are free to start again as friends without any pressures hanging over our heads.
I think what I was trying to say was perhaps the marriage has to be totally dismantled before it can start again as a new relationship in whatever form the new relationship may be. As an Aussie who grew up in bushfire areas I guess it's like the forest burning to the ground and remaining so sad, desolate and forlorn. When the new charcoal landscape appears to be permanent and the memory can barely conjure up images of the former area, tiny little sprigs of green start to sprout bringing new life and beauty to the charcoal mess.
Apart from the decision to end the M which is a huge one to make and be comfortable with, I like the way you have described it as a burnt landscape that begins to regenerate. It is actually a beautiful way to describe it. I admire your strength Cas.
