Guess I must have had my expectations up last night when I talked to W because today feels almost like I got kicked in the gut again. I pretty much knew what was going to happen but hearing that she actually filled out the paperwork and will be sending to lawyer soon was tough.
Didn't sleep much last night either. Maybe an hour. Removed her from friend on facebook, removed her from credit card and changed passwords on bank accounts. Going to get new cell phone plan over lunch.
The whole frickin thing is dumb. One month she is happy (in her words while giving the bomb) trying to have a kid the next month she is not happy and wants a divorce. WTF
The glimmer of hope left in our M is fading fast. I have given her zero pressure during the entire process and it has not seemed to work at all. I have been holding my family back on talking to her and I have not talked to her family about it. I almost want to just let them call her and give her all the pressure in the world. But then what is the use if she doesn't want to be in a M then it will never work.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
It sounds to me like you did a great job. You had her laughing and talking.
I know that feeling of getting kicked in the gut. Projecting a strong confident happy man in her presence is key. Vent out all the negative stuff away from her.....It is important to get it out, just not to her......
Sorry you did not sleep well. The thoughts and stress that keep us awake are crazy. Sleep is very important. It helps us stay clear. I still have my prescription sleeping pills and take them as needed.
W does not know how to be happy. She is trying to figure that out. Setting her free to figure this out is a gesture of love.
It is also your opportunity to find your happiness without putting it into her (or another's) hands.
I have a good relationship with MsR2C's family based on no R talk with them. My father tried R talking with her. That made things worse. My goal is civil R with her. I believe it is important to keep them out of your R.
I focus on making positive changes in me and that alone is hard. Any reason I think I can change MsR2C? I can just control my thoughts, words and actions. I ask myself this question "Is what I am about to do going to make things better or worse?"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am actually thinking of going a different direction now. Things went ok last night but just being nice and having a decent time really didn't do anything and don't think that it will. So I am thinking of sending her a text.
"Thx 4 talking last nite after not seeing you for for 2 months & then talking to you last nite I realized I don't want to be married to u or even friends"
This is all complete BS and she is a whack job. I am sorry to see my M go down the crapper but she is just not worth it anymore. I have put up with way too much crap and gotten little back. Some people are just purely selfish and that would be my W.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
I am sorry to see my M go down the crapper but she is just not worth it anymore. I have put up with way too much crap and gotten little back.
Correct....
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But then what is the use if she doesn't want to be in a M then it will never work.
Correct again...
Ok. Now that we have that settled....
I would recommend this..
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Tomorrow night is time for some shopping and a few cold ones with some buddies or maybe some social interaction to up the PMA.
She wants the other man. (at least for now) If it were me, I would go out and start having the time of my life. Wouldn't be long I would be meeting some fine fine ladies that would love a funny, confident, guy like me. I would have some fun with them and see what happens and what developes..
Regarding the divorce?
Get tough and get a good lawyer and take charge. Negotiate YOUR best deal now while she is acting flexible. The best time to get your best deal is when they want out and have their mind on someone else. They will give you much more because they feel like they just want it over with... GET YOUR BEST DEAL NOW...
It will actually be an advantage for you in the long run. IF she comes back, part of the reason is that reality hit that she left with nothing. It won't effect whether she comes back or not if you get tough with the negotiations. Not a bit. It will actually get you some respect.
If she starts trying to talk to you about the divorce, tell her it is in your lawyer's hands and out of yours. Let the lawyer get you the best deal possible. Think of YOU.
Let her go. You seem to know this. I encourage you. The sooner you let go, the sooner they come back. It will hit her later what she has done. Many couples reconcile AFTER the divorce or just befor the divorce. You are going through the emotional divorce now, she isn't. That very well may hit her AFTER the divore. She will have to go through it at some point,but at her pace and not your pace.
Thanks for the feedback gucci. As long as I am not totally screwing it up I can roll with it. And I do like the female attention. Have 3 waiting out the divorce and they aren't cheering for d bust.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Gucci, that is awesome advice. Unfortunately, I didn't have it after my W left to pursue OM, but looking back, all the RIGHT things I did were right out of your book. All the WRONG things I did were contrary. GoBison, listen to what he's saying. In 6-12 months, you'll be so glad you did, regardless of what happens.
Right now, my W's relationship with OM is apparently dying, and she is pursuing me more. After reading what's going on in AFWAW's and others' threads using Gucci's advice, I know I need to seriously pull away from her. I changed posture and went on the offensive regarding our legal separation. She was surprised, and she made an excuse to delay it.
Not much going on in my Sitch. Had a few beers over the weekend with some friends. Met some new people nothing too exciting.
Other than that cancelled W's credit card de-friended her from FB. Got new phone plan and moving more towards being D'd. Few text messages from W on some stuff over credit card and phone. Wanting to know why I cancelled her CC so soon and how she was to return junk. Another text on asking if I went to an individual account instead of a joint account when I got new phone number and stuff. Well duh.
Other than that no contact from W over the weekend. Should be receiving D papers this week or next. I will have to go out and find a L sometime soon. Still holding off on it as it makes it seem like the end is closer.
The big question right now is if I wasted too many years on her or if there is a chance that we can actually work things out. Right now it's out of my control as far as working things out.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
