My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

I'd like to request prayers. Got a text early this evening that my friend (the prof in Texas) had some severe cardiac rhythm problems today and had to get a pacemaker. I assume he's okay because he was able to text, and I'm sure he's drugged and sleeping at this point. But I have no one to call to find out how he's doing. He's been under tremendous stress lately. Doesn't sound like this was a heart attack, but an isolated rhythm problem--but one which easily could have killed him. I'm still kind of stunned, don't know what else to say except that I'm grateful this didn't happen while he was out of town most of the week, or on a plane or while driving.

[hoosiermama]

I talked with my friend last night--he called just after I posted. He's been having some irregular heartbeats--which I knew--and had worn a holter monitor several months ago which didn't pick up anything concerning. But because he began to feel light-headed and nauseated from time to time when he felt his heart acting up, he went back to the doctor and wore a holter again (months after I had expressed concern--but still!) And the monitor picked up not the fairly benign rhythm he had assumed, but a complete heart block which, at times, caused him to have 15-second episodes of asystole--no heartbeat. The bizarre thing is that it took almost a week for the doctor to get back to him about that! But things happened quickly, and he got a call in his office yesterday, a cardiologist met him in the ER, got a thorough--and very quick--succession of tests (all clear) and then the pacemaker.

Here's the thing. This should have killed him. Several times over. Just a wiring problem with his heart--no heart attack, everything else is good, just bad genes. But as an old ER nurse, I concur with what his doctor told him: if he wasn't in such good physical shape, he'd be dead. He feels like he's been a miracle, that God has once again taken care of him. And I concur with that too!!

[BeingMe]

Wow! He is one lucky dude! Really blessed!

[hoosiermama]

Indeed. Haven't heard much, except that he got released yesterday morning. I believe he was planning to go to a football game yesterday evening--it's just amazing to me that you can resume your regular life so quickly after all of this!! We live in amazing times.

In other news...D13 got left out of an event at school we were both looking forward to. 8th graders were to have an opportunity to play at a high school football game with the high school band last night. Got some sketchy information about it a week or so ago, with the message that further info was to follow (what to wear, where to meet, music to learn). Never heard any further tho. Checked the school website--nothing, called other parents but didn't hear back from anyone. So we assumed it must have been cancelled for some reason. Until she texted one of her friends, who told her "too bad you missed it--it was so much fun!" So I'm not sure why she would have been the only one who didn't get the information she needed to be there. One would think that parents would have been informed too, but even so--why didn't any of her friends (and they are few) give her information? Why didn't the parents return my calls? The music teacher is notorious for dichotomy--loving you and advocating for you, or hating you and ignoring you--and in spite of 5 years in the school choir and 4 in band, D13 is on the "invisible" list. Sadly, she's had the same music teacher there for 10 years, and almost all of her extracurricular activities center around music because that's where her gifts lie. This is also the staff person I worked with for almost 7 years, who I supported through breast cancer treatment, who lied about me as I left the position. I feared this would happen to D this year, and almost didn't send her back for her final year at this school. Unfortunately, it appears I was correct. She has no speaking parts in an upcoming program (the only 8th grader to be so snubbed), she missed out on this event altho she saw her name on the list to participate, and I anticipate she may very well receive no awards or scholarships or opportunities to participate in other events. In spite of 10 years at this school (including preschool and kdg), countless hours of service by her as well as by me. I feel sick about this. And not real sure how to respond to it, altho I promise I will NOT let it pass.

[BeingMe]

I agree that you should NOT let this pass. We parents (especially moms) should be our children's advocates when it's a situation where adults have let them down.

Go MOM!!!!

[hoosiermama]

So...any practical suggestions about how to deal with this that doesn't include completely going Mama Bear on them?

[BeingMe]

Well, there was a time when my D16 was being bullied. My H marched into the principals office demanding to know what was being done about it. If this is a bully free school, then perhaps you can ask why is it okay for the teacher to passively bully your D by ignoring her and denying her access to information about things that are important for her to know.

You can ask the teacher who you helped through breast cancer how she would've felt if everyone had ignored her when she was going through a bad time (which D is doing)? You, at least, expect the same empathy that was afforded her, especially since D is a child.

I am truly disgusted with your school and have never heard of anyone being so treated, and in a religious school at that. I would rather take my chances with the public schools.

I hope you find a way to resolve this before the next time D needs to know something and is again ignored.

Could XH be influencing things here by any remote possibility? Is he wanting D to go to a school closer to him? It just seems so strange to me.

[hoosiermama]

Nope, not a bully-free school; actually, this was something I tried to implement while I was there but was blocked in doing so. See, to establish an anti-bullying program is to admit there IS bullying present, which is apparently not the kind of message we want to send, dontcha see? Yes, this is the kind of logic employed at this fine Christian school.

It has gotten very clique-ish, even among adults in the parish--you're either in or you're out. Express an unpopular opinion or challenge the status quo, and you're labelled a trouble-maker and excluded. It's become part of the culture there--and I've watched people scramble to kiss up and keep their places. This is why I no longer feel comfortable there--well, that and all that happened to me. It's why I struggled with the decision of where to send D to school this year, her 8th grade year (parochial schools here don't have middle schools--they go from 8th grade into high school). Trying to decide if it was worse to have this introverted, recently traumatized young lady try to make it in a brand-new environment or to hang in for one last year where she was familiar with everyone (and there are many, many good people there, and this has been her whole world as long as she remembers). It is about as far from the view I want her to have of Church as possible, but it certainly didn't start out that way.

I have a sense I am still so paralyzed by feeling rejected and betrayed by the community I once considered home, that I am allowing both D and I to be bullied. Time to wake up from the shock and awe and take some action.

[BeingMe]

Leave no prisoners. So what, if you're stamped a troublemaker! That's someone with power, not so?!

[hoosiermama]

Leave no prisoners. So what, if you're stamped a troublemaker! That's someone with power, not so?!

oh, I'm already labelled a troublemaker--and worse. Because I dared to do a ministry there that took just a tiny bit of the limelight away from the business manager, who must be all things to all people--and be seen as such. That I'm not worried about, and I couldn't make it any worse than it is. The thing is, I have no power in this--certain people would be just as happy to be rid of both of us so they wouldn't have to be reminded of how badly they treated us. So threatening to pull her out of school means nothing--may, in fact, be what they want. And there's really no "going over their heads" because it's really only the folks in power who are like this. Can't appeal to their shame or their view of themselves as Christians, because that obviously is only for show. I was just hoping the good would outweigh the bad for her this year--and there's still a lot of good. Just that the bad is so blatant and involves all the things she really enjoys doing. Giving this lots of prayer.