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#1846210 - 09/28/09 12:59 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Energizer Bunny]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: Energizer Bunny
Have you seen Tristan's thread? His W came back and said something to the effect of "I thought once I got our I thought I would blossom like a butterfly," but just ended up mising her family instead.


I will admit my sitch is turning out to be a "best case scenario". I am following both of you and wishing you the best. I think the best advice I received from Robx, Coach, and others was to keep communication to a minimal (about kids only) and to keep it "matter of fact" (business like). Puppy pointed out that she probably missed our friendship as much as anything else. Good luck.

Originally Posted By: Energizer Bunny

Too bad it's going to bankrupt me in the process.



I've thought about this myself. But I just need to keep reminding myself what I was willing to pay to keep my family together at the beginning of this whole thing.


Edited by tristan (09/28/09 01:00 PM)
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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#1846229 - 09/28/09 01:31 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Yeah the money will be an issue. I have my end set up where I will be fine either way. It would easy to think of it as money thrown away but if it brings it all back together the cost isn't an issue.

Her Mom emailed me this morning telling me Happy B-day and that my W was by there yesterday and said things and acted like she hasn't for a very long time. She said to keep praying and is holding her breath. I don't know what to take from all of that and don't want to get the hopes up...just keep doing what I am doing.

Either way I am hoping for the best for you and EB.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1846259 - 09/28/09 02:02 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
[quote=tristan I think the best advice I received from Robx, Coach, and others was to keep communication to a minimal (about kids only) and to keep it "matter of fact" (business like). [/quote]

I've been through barely talking, regular communication then back again. I think it will be a lot easier to limit communication when we aren't living in the same house. Living together seems to make it harder to communicate minimally. Afterall, we still eat at the same table and watch the same TV. For a few months she had pretty much locked herself in "her" room.

Once she's out I am sure it will be dramatically different.
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

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#1846369 - 09/28/09 05:13 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Energizer Bunny]
WalkingMan Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 223
Hey, wanttobebetter. My sitch is very much like yourse, so I can definately relate to your sitch.

I have to agree with what others are saying here; that the wife moving out can be a blessing. In a way, it gives the W time to miss you and see that maybe the grass is not greener. BUT it takes a LONG time. I pretty sure that if given enough time, my marriage would have worked out, but in my state it only takes two months from when the D is files to when it's final.

There's a lot of things a WAW and LBS may not realize until she
moves out.
_________________________
Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08

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#1846396 - 09/28/09 05:55 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: WalkingMan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Yep, gotta let her go. Don't want to but there is no way I can control anything that happens anymore except myself.

She is adamant about moving out when only yesterday I thought I felt the winds of change blowing. I'm telling you...when she is home for a few days like over the weekend, things get better. Yesterday she talked to her Mom and her Mom told me this morning she really thought my W was coming around. But then as soon as she gets back to work I can always expect some kind of power move from her on Monday. A few weeks ago is was get the attorney hired...today it was can you help me with the kids this week because I need to pack my stuff....

Had a little backslide today....I was pissed about this week and maybe I had my hopes up a little over the weekend. I said she should stand and fight with me for our marriage and to quit running away from emotions (she has done this all of her life). She told me it was going to happen regardless. Then she told me not to do this to her right now.

She is a beehive of emotions so I'm just going to stay away from it. I guess she is moving this week after all.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1846415 - 09/28/09 06:26 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
It's hard not to get your hopes up. I can't lame you for backsliding every once in a while. Just to bbetter in the future. You're human.

Be the guy that she'll miss when she's not with you every day. I think it was givingmyall that said be the guy that only a fool would leave.

Either she will see it or someone else will. In the end you'll be a better guy for it.
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

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#1846439 - 09/28/09 07:19 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Energizer Bunny]
WalkingMan Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 223
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter

She is a beehive of emotions so I'm just going to stay away from it. I guess she is moving this week after all.


I like to say, "bull in a china shop."

Drop the rope. Let her go. She knows how you feel. Make sure you stick with 180's and GAL's and get some space to breathe. Take the power back!
_________________________
Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08

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#1846471 - 09/28/09 08:45 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: WalkingMan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
We just had a talk. She said she is scared to death....is worried but said she has to do this for herself. She said "I am a damn good man" and knows she is foolish for leaving. She knows there is a chance nothing will work out for her. But she said she still has to move and has to do this.

I am actually ok with it. I can't have her around like this....but she is a mess. She said she is actually going to talk to a C.

What the hell do I do now? I listened and told her I understood....she is just a conflict away from...I don't know what.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1846484 - 09/28/09 09:02 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
Word for word...that's my wife!

Give her time. Love her enough to let her go. It still doesn't mean forever. Sounds like a little MLC stuff to me.
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

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#1846505 - 09/28/09 09:33 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Energizer Bunny]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
MLC is right. She is so messed up with conflict within herself. She can't find herself she said and is willing to risk it all. She had a lease on one apt then changed it yesterday to another. She can't even figure out where to live!!!!

I decorated the house yesterday with the kids. She made mention of it today saying there were years where she couldn't get me into the mood to do it now I do it on my own. I realize that my GAL's are working, but it makes me realize I should have been doing that all along.

The only thing that sucks on this new place is she will have to sign a year lease. It is closer and would be more convenient but there is no chance I can be separated for that long and have much hope of working things out.

Honestly, I know this is tougher on her than it is me...
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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