So many of us have dealt with the same thing, so sorry Frank. When the quality of life deteriorates it is time...
For you and your family-
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I'm sorry about your sweet doggie. I lost 2 last year, and am looking at losing another 2 in the very near future (one has terminal cancer and the other is 16). I know how hard it is, but you gave her a wonderful life. Would that all dog parents were like you...
I'm sorry about your sweet doggie. I lost 2 last year, and am looking at losing another 2 in the very near future (one has terminal cancer and the other is 16). I know how hard it is, but you gave her a wonderful life. Would that all dog parents were like you...
so yesterday I moved my home office from the 'box' I built in the garage to the spare bedroom upstairs. It was hard to do, as it was CHANGE.
I built the 'box' a few years so STBXW could have the spare room do do massages in. It feels good to have a window and fresh air.
Been doing what needs to be done to keep my head straight and GAL. I realize now how much of my life has been a struggle of trying to control everything around me instead of just letting go. And of course, trying to get through the hurt with 'medication' didn't help.
I've made some new friends and getting out more, slowly. Losing the anger.
Last week when we put out dog down, STBX looked at me with a lot of sadness. There was something more than just the loss of our dog.
The next day she came by to pick up D13 after school as she had to go to an awards ceremony for middle school, which STBXW and I also went to to see D13 receive an award.
She asked me if I had a memory card for her camera as she didn't know what had happened to it. I gave her one and told her that she needed to 'format it' before she could use it. She gave me the 'deer in the headlights' look and I told her how to do it. She looked at D13 who said "I'll do it for you mom".
Now, in the past I probably would have said something like "Come on, it's not that hard. Geeze". Instead I just smiled and said nothing. Part of the past was that I didn't respect her because she's not 'like me'. I think that is a big lesson I had to learn. We both have big lessons to learn in life.
We arrived at the school at different times and I didn't see where she was sitting when I came in and sat somewhere else.
After it was over, I went to one of the exit doors and she happened to arrive at the same door when I was there. I saw her and gave a polite smile. She smiled back with her 'you noticed me' smile and winked at me. Kind of flirty. No idea what she was thinking, just a 'reaction' I guess.
We met up with D13 and after a few minutes I gave D13 a hug and said goodbye and STBX asked me if I wanted to walk them to the car. So I did and walked with D13. Got to their car, gave D13 a hug and said goodbye.
It doesn't mean anything other than we're getting along, and I'm healing.
Well, 17 months since the bomb. I was already an emotional wreck before the bomb, and her actions, 2 affairs and other crazy stuff fueled my low self esteem and I withdrew further into the bottle.
That's the truth.
After she decided to move back into the house but was still going to stay 'friends' with OM back in March it lasted a week till I blew up and lost it with her. Since then I've been slowly trying to heal myself. Going to AA to shake the cycle of pain and suffering and starting to feel better.
STBX and I rarely talk. For a while we were angry at each other so she or I would be very defensive. Every couple months she reminds me about 'our divorce' and asks me to do something so the documentation lady can write it up. I usually ignore her or tell her it's her divorce and she should write what she thinks she can agree to and present it to me.
Her last 'thing' was that she want's me to take all the debt that is in my name, she'll take what's in her name and I get to pay all the back taxes. And I pay her and the girls health insurance and pay her $200/month child support for D13. As she said "It was your job to pay the taxes. I took care of your kids and listened to you talk about how this next business project was going to work".
I asked her why she didn't get a job until after she left me and she said "You didn't ask me to".
I decided none of this is worth fighting over and agreed.
Of course, nothing has been put in writing.
Things seem to have changed somewhat since this discussion a couple weeks ago. She's more friendly around me instead of 'put off'. I also decided to stop being angry. What's the point anyway?
Last weekend she came by to pick up D13 who had been staying with me most of the week. She was going to have her stay with her for the weekend. She asked if she could take our Beagle Dog overnight and I said that would be great.
The next day she came by to drop him off in the morning. D13 was with her but instead of having D13 bring him in, she came to the door herself. She was happy and went on to tell me that they took him to the pet store and he picked out a toy. A long cylindrical fuzzy green thing.
She said they called it the 'Fuzzy Pen1s'.
Ok, so I replied that it was a bad idea to teach him to chew on things like that because he might get confused if he jumps into my bed at night. She laughed and made a counter joke and we went back and forth. She had to go, I said goodbye and she left. Weird.
Next day was her birthday. I gave D18 a card to give her that said "I hope you celebrate this day. You've touched many lives and raised great children. With love, Frank"
D18 did give it to her, but told me that she didn't open it while she was there. The next day I got a text from her saying 'Thank you for the bday card and the kind words. I really appreciate it'
A couple days later she called for something and brought up the 'fuzzy xxx' and we had a laugh. Strange that she makes these sexual references.
Friday she came by in the evening to pick up D13. She came into the house instead of calling D13 on the phone. D13 grabbed her stuff and wlaked by me and out the door. I said to STBX "Gee, no goodbye, no hug! Just out the door"
STBX said "Aww, do you need a hug?". I paused and said "Yeah that would be nice" and hugged her. How weird.
STBX called me yesterday and left a voice mail to tell me that she got mail from the health care company that the insurance was going to be canceled because I hadn't paid it. Her tone of voice seemed like she was annoyed at me.
I called back and left a polite voice mail telling her that they are mailing the bills to her, so I can't pay them if I don't see them. I also mentioned that she seemed upset but I could understand how this would upset her.
She called back and apologized repeatedly for sounding upset with me. (?????) She said she'd make sure I got the bills and please don't be mad at her. (????) I said that I wasn't and that we'll work this out. Told her to have a good day.
This week she is taking D13 to Seattle to visit STBX's mom. D13 told me that OM is going with them and that they are staying at a campground part way to save money. D13 says she refuses to sleep in the tent and will sleep in the car.
STBX has not mentioned OM is going. If I ask about the trip she avoids details. On the advice of others, I have asked her for the names of places where she is staying the night. I am also going to ask her OM's full name since I do not know him and she is making D13 (who doesn't like him at all) spend 5 days with him.
As far as OM, D18 has said that he is harmless, kind of a woose. A mutual friend who has met him said he was "Like a bird with a broken wing. In fact if someone didn't tell him he had to breath to be alive he might stop". Someone STBX can control I guess.
It hurts a little that I am being 'replaced' so easily. I think the recent 'nice attitude' from STBX is a reaction to me being less angry. And I've dropped the rope and am trying to move on with my life.
Anyway, financially I'm ruined but that's my own fault. I've also realized that neither STBX and I understood how to make a marriage work and we weren't partners. I was 'dad' and she was 'daughter'. I took care of everything and when I couldn't, she got scared and left for attention from OM.
I believe I'll grow from this and my counselor has been very encouraging. I still love STBX, we're just not able to live together.
