Get help from a Divorce Busting® Telephone Coach TODAY! We specialize in helping you get your marriage back on track, even when your spouse has one foot out the door. Don't be discouraged. We can help.
303-444-7004
or 800-664-2435
Page 42 of 239 < 1 2 ... 40 41 42 43 44 ... 238 239 >
Topic Options
#1817288 - 08/11/09 05:15 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: davidswife]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
What about the school counselor? School starts in a week and a half. Or do they need someone above that level?

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

Top
#1817298 - 08/11/09 05:27 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
D7 and D11 will be going to separate schools this year for the first time since they started. I wonder how that will go. D7 is very dependent on D11.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

Top
#1817306 - 08/11/09 05:35 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9878
She'll need your support more than ever. She's not going to have that support any more from a comforting figure. Be the father she needs and deserves.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#1817310 - 08/11/09 05:40 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: MrBond]
davidswife Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 819
Loc: Midwest
Kevin,

I work in the schools and some of the counselors are very good. But why are you putting this off for two more weeks? It's already been months since you were told to handle this.

Be sure to discuss your concerns regarding your D7 -- about her sister being in a different school. Their teachers should also know that you and W are separated -- they can keep an eye on the girls and let you know if they notice any behaviors that cause them concern.

So your 11 year old D is starting middle school? Please keep your eye on her - that can be an extrememly stressful transition.

Will you and W be taking them to open house, or meet the teacher together? If you can talk her into this, it's for the best.

Stacy
_________________________
Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15

Top
#1817364 - 08/11/09 07:23 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: davidswife]
The Wifey Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 2306
Loc: Upstate NY
Hey Kevin.

The school c is not enough Kevin. I know its tough. There are more than one children's c out there. Get out the phone book and start calling. Do not just rely on one person to "get back to you." Honestly, even if they are really busy, I'm not sure that I would take my child to someone that took that long to call me back.

I know you are hurting Kev, but you are on upswing - remember? You only have one way to go & that is up.
_________________________
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.


Top
#1817445 - 08/11/09 09:48 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9938
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: K4D
What about the school counselor? School starts in a week and a half. Or do they need someone above that level?

Kevin


Hard to believe you asked this. I just said "let the experts, the c's tell you who and what the girls need", and just get it done for them. Especially if your wife IS filing, you need to do this and not just for appearance' sake.

And for the record the school c's are NOT trained to treat your children. Their assessment tools are just that. We, including you, already know that your d's have sent you many signals/red flares of their pain yet still, you have not done anything but make a phone call, or so you claim. No follow up despite the many many promises...

Again, you are trying to take the easy route for YOU. Cheapest, or fastest, the route requiring the least action from you. And then you'll post about how you are "working on it...called and they haven't returned the call...the guy was out....too young....you forgot, were too tired, thought you'd do it later, they seemed better, blah blah blah."

It has been months since you were or should have been aware of how much pain they are in and how much they need professional help, and all you did was make a phone call...Imagine someone telling you your d's have a strange fever and waiting this long to do anything.....and here we are at the end of the summer, the BEST TIME for them to have gotten help for the upcoming changes that are yet to come, (are they going to new schools? YES. Oh and now for the first time they won't be together....sure Kevin, no rush, take your time, see how you feel about it all....) and you ask us about waiting for the school to....DO IT? Say it? FORCE IT??

I won't ever stop posting to you b/c you relapse. How could I? There but for the Grace of God, go I.

But this purposeful neglect of your children, which you CAN control, and the way you still ignore great advice from so many (not all my advice is great or always right, but a lot of what people take the time to post to you is,) and the amnesia you pretend to have, or when you don't even acknowledge getting a post or thinking about what they say, and do the exact thing so many warn you not to do, THAT frustrates me no end. (As does the pathological obsession you have with your wife)

I have not "lurked" here, but I have actively supported and posted to you several times a week, since you registered here many months ago. That's a lot. I began with the gentlest supportive methods available and the most encouragement I could. But that didn't work for long as far as I can tell. The 2 x 4's are not enjoyable to write or read and they don't get far with you either.

Tomato, I don't know what you are trying to say or imply, but I've done my best.

K4, if you won't do anything else, and maybe you won't, at least do right by your daughters. Take them to a c, and then follow that c's advice.

j-

_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#1817453 - 08/11/09 09:57 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9878
Great advice as usual 25yearsmlc.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#1817483 - 08/11/09 10:57 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: MrBond]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
25 and everyone else,

I will have a bit more free time tomorrow. I will get it done tomorrow. Should I tell W I am doing it or just do it? I would think she would want to be part of that decision.

I spent a few minutes with her again tonight. Another not so great night. I didn't put the legos together tonight.

Me and D7 had dinner with W tonight at subway. While we were eating dinner, I said football season is starting. W said ya and she is already part of 2 football fanstasy leagues. I just rolled my eyes. That is something we did together. Then W said we need to discuss school supplies and school clothes and how we want to work that out. I said ya, that will be so much fun working all of that out. W then told me about the trips she and the girls will be taking with her new vehicle she is getting.

Then we went to W's house to get some stuff. D7 grabbed W's breast and I went to pull away D7's hand. Well, W thought I was going for her breast and got mad at me. I explained that I was going for D7's hand to remove it after W had told her not to grab it.

Then came OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOT. I said so what anyways, you are my W. I said I love you to her as I started walking out. She said get out. I sent back a text saying sorry, this is just frusturating sometimes.

Me and D7 came back and went swimming tonight. Tomorrow D7 is with W again so I will be going to AA again tomorrow night. I did not want to leave D7 in a room there by herself tonight. Once D11 is back, I will be more comfortable leaving them in there together with something to do. This is a pretty decent sized group of AA people.

I also went and talked to my priest tonight. I told him all about Saturday night. He thought it was good that I am going to AA. He also thinks it is good that I am staying on my studying catholic books and that with me and the girls converting that with time it could help W also. He told me W is looking for stability. He said with time she will see that in me if I stay on track. He said she may also be looking for some other additional things on top of stability. He said to pray that God bestows graces on her. He said she still has to be willing to accept them. He also said that I could ask my guardian angel to tell her guardian angel to talk to her. We chatted a little bit about angels. That is actually the next section we are getting into next week.

He said that Padre Pio spoke to angels all the time. I will have to read up on him. I know my dad has mentioned him before.

D7 asked where I was tonight. I said a C appointment. She asked when her and D11 were going to be able to go to C again. I said do you want to. She said yes. I said ok. I will make it happen.

I will just go to AA and put them in C. I can't also go to C, and AA, and my priest and have them in C. Its to much at one time and the cost is going to be a bit much for C for them and me with everything going to the deductible for a while.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

Top
#1817487 - 08/11/09 11:08 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
On the way to the pool D7 asks me why I am sad. I didn't say anything. Then she says she knows why. I just looked at her. She said it is because you miss mommy and you don't want a D. Then she said that mommy told her that we just disagree on everything. I said we don't disagree on everything, just some things. I told her I love her and we got into the pool. We had a good time in there. She played with other kids and then I pulled her around the pool some while she was sitting on a tube.

We had a good time together. These kids read things very well. For that reason alone I have to make sure I show no signs of my feelings around them even if I am quiet.

One lady I know pointed out that I radiate weakness and that it is obvious that I have no confidence when I walk in the room. I didn't realize I radiated that so much. She said I have to change that. She said right now I have nothing to offer until I start building confidence in myself.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Pathological?

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

Top
#1817491 - 08/11/09 11:14 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
davidswife Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 819
Loc: Midwest
Kevin,

What is going on?????

You need to talk to W about school clothes and supplies. And what's w/rolling your eyes about stupid fantasy football? You are so needy, clingy, grasping -- like an infant.

And you think your W can't set a boundary w/D7 who grabs her breast? That's between her and your D -- but WTH?? Is this regular behavior -- I work w/special needs children -- that is NOT normal or appropriate. But your W needs to handle that.

That whole "You're my W, so what". That is disgusting. I don't care if you two are all puppy dogs and rainbows, it's HER breast, HER body -- she gets to decide who touches her, where and when. Kevin, your mind set is so insulting.

STOP telling her you love her -- STOP.

Oh Kevin -- I have to go help take care of my dying BIL, so I'll be gone for awhile.

Try to get it together.

Stop eating out so much -- maybe then you could afford C for you and the girls.

Stacy
_________________________
Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15

Top
Page 42 of 239 < 1 2 ... 40 41 42 43 44 ... 238 239 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004