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#1838120 - 09/15/09 06:02 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
Excuse me for asking, but I dont get the whole judging thing. Is judging the same as having an opinion about what another is doing? Or is judging in Kevin's case only something god can do?

I think he is ok praying and wanting his wife to find a moral path in life, but he needs to find a balance so as to not obsess about it.

Kevin - I never thought in my life that I would ever need to see a counselor, but I ended up seeing one who helped me quite a bit.
_________________________
Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1838123 - 09/15/09 06:05 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
JonF Offline
Member

Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 896
Just a quick theological point - the Bible says "judge not, so you won't be judged", but the literal translation of judging in that instance is determining someone's entrance into heaven or hell.

The Bible says stealing is a sin. If someone steals, they sin. If they commit adultery, the Bible (not me or you) say it's a sin. How is it judging to point that? Just sayin...

Now, for YOU, Kevin, stop worrying about the life she is living. You can't live it for her, you can't change her, you aren't responsible for her. My suggestion is this - the time you would normally spend thinking about the life she is living - turn that time into prayer for her, and see which is more effective. Worry or prayer?
_________________________
Me-35 W-32 M-4yrs
A - 6/26/2013
D filed 8/19/2013, dismissed 12/13/2013
D refiled 2/24/2014, dismissed
Second A 5/2014, I filed, finally done

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#1838126 - 09/15/09 06:08 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
C-Bart Offline
Member

Registered: 07/30/09
Posts: 882
Loc: Missouri
Does anyone else see what happened here? What started out as several people directing Kevin to focus on himself turned back to his W. I don't think this was an accident.

As long as WE focus on what is wrong with our spouse we can avoid looking at our own weaknesses. Sense we are on the topic of religion let's take a peak at Mathew 7:3-5.
_________________________
_________________________
Me-41
W-39
M-15 yrs T-17 yrs
D-12
S-9
S-8
B 5/08
S 1/09

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#1838132 - 09/15/09 06:18 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: C-Bart]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
C-Bart,

I am not putting myself above her. I have admitted TONS of times that I also have committed many sins and do to this day. While I try not to as best as possible, I still fall at times. The problem here is people are assuming that I am casting a stone at her and I am not. I am merely praying that she leave this life of adultery. I am not deciding her fate for her. I am not telling her where her destiny lies. I am not saying she is going to hell or heaven because of anything she has done. I am only praying that she quit living in that particular sin is all I am doing.

Somehow that got turned around on me into me judging her. I am not her judge nor will I ever be. Nor could I ever be as my own life has plenty of misteps in it. The difference is I am trying to not commit those sins in the future to the best of my ability knowing that I will fall now and then anyways. But I am not pursuing them. I am praying that she quit pursuing this sin. Huge difference between that and judging her for it.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1838141 - 09/15/09 06:33 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
C-Bart Offline
Member

Registered: 07/30/09
Posts: 882
Loc: Missouri
K,
That's not what I'm saying. Judging or not judging is an interesting side bar conversation but it is distracting from the real issue(s). My point is WE, emphasis intended, focus on the faults of other people without focusing in on ourselves. Not sure why that is but in a R that is deadly. Not only does it create resentment but it puts focus on something we have no control over. You only have so much time and energy and if its focused on something you can not control it is wasted.
_________________________
_________________________
Me-41
W-39
M-15 yrs T-17 yrs
D-12
S-9
S-8
B 5/08
S 1/09

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#1838143 - 09/15/09 06:35 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
PMA_Baby! Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/07
Posts: 1164
K - The bottomline is you need to LET GO!!!

Stop worrying about what she is doing. It is not healthy.

God has a plan for all of us and this might be his plan for her.

Let Go! and FOCUS on YOU NOT HER.

Period! That is ALL anyone is saying. FOCUS on YOU!!!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
;

courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will

That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

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#1838152 - 09/15/09 06:43 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: PMA_Baby!]
PMA_Baby! Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/07
Posts: 1164
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

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#1838153 - 09/15/09 06:47 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: PMA_Baby!]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
PMA,

I am familiar with that verse and that is something I try to do each day. I don't always succeed, but I try.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1838157 - 09/15/09 06:53 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
PMA_Baby! Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/07
Posts: 1164
Now dont make me quote Yoda about trying... wink

I hear ya... No one said it was going to be easy.

God only gives you what you can handle... I just wish he didnt have so much damn confidence in me... grin


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#1838161 - 09/15/09 06:56 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: PMA_Baby!]
C-Bart Offline
Member

Registered: 07/30/09
Posts: 882
Loc: Missouri
Originally Posted By: PMA_Baby!
Now dont make me quote Yoda about trying... wink

God only gives you what you can handle... I just wish he didnt have so much damn confidence in me... grin



lol. Now that there is funny!
_________________________
_________________________
Me-41
W-39
M-15 yrs T-17 yrs
D-12
S-9
S-8
B 5/08
S 1/09

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