Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Cabbr,

Why is it so "huge" that you get to remain in your own house?

Unless there is documented abuse, it's almost ALWAYS difficult to make one spouse leave the marital home. Unless I'm missing something, it's almost as if your L is telling the Indians they get to keep their land.

Puppy

[CABBR]

Puppy,

Initially, my L was saying the same thing, that unless there is abuse and ugliness in the home, the court generally doesn't require one to leave.

However, the other day my L seemed to base this compromise on fear of the unknown - the judge was new and could have orderd me to leave. I think my L simply felt it was not worth the risk.

The judge was also female and my point was that she might be affronted by my W's behavior. My L (who is a woman) completely dismissed this idea saying that judges don't get riled up by much anymore. My L believed that what my W had done wouldn't make the least bit of difference to a judge - male or female. So I either trust my L's judgment or start looking for a new one.

It really goes against the grain to have to fork over more cash right now, but the issue is held in reserve, and I have to believe anyone looking at this objectively would see the inequity.

Cabbr

[CABBR]

Last night after reading to my s9 he wanted to see W, so I called down to W to come upstairs. I went down and in the dining room, where W sets up her office, there is, in plain site, a draft of a paper she is submitting for her mediation course work on our D! It's like a negotiation case study. It details her position and mine. I scan it and walk into the kitchen.

About 30 seconds later W comes bolting down the stairs - obviously remembering that she left this document sitting there.

I didn't mention anything about it, but I'm thinking "you've got to be kidding me."

Cabbr

[iwantittowork]

a draft of a paper she is submitting for her mediation course work on our D! It's like a negotiation case study. It details her position and mine. I scan it and walk into the kitchen.

Cabbr, I am not sure what this means? Is it a paper for a class? Course work?

First, though, disregard it, you can't control what she is doing, only how your reacting. I understand you didn't say anything to her about it, but put it aside in your mind.

It details her position and mine. I scan it and walk into the kitchen.

Obviously it details her position and what she THINKS is your position, but are you going to mediation? I had thought you were at the lawyer to lawyer stage currently?

Sorry, I am just not following what it is, but my comment aside is what I would say remains. I know hard to do, I have a hard time with that myself...

[CABBR]

Hey IWITW,

Yes, it's a paper for the class W is taking. She's chronicling the negotiation aspect of the D. It's just weird - I don't know. Doesn't that strike you as being just a little out there?

And yes, we are at the point now where there is little benefit in mediation. She is in full blown entitlement mode. Although, I have to take a harder line in these lawyer-to-lawyer negotiations. I just got notice for a hearing on child support at the end of the month, so things are moving right along. I think this whole thing will be wrapped in a big bow for Christmas.

Cabbr

[iwantittowork]

Yes, it's a paper for the class W is taking. She's chronicling the negotiation aspect of the D. It's just weird - I don't know. Doesn't that strike you as being just a little out there?

Yes it sounds weird, but I swear I could picture my W doing the same thing right now, no doubt about it. I have stopped wondering why my W does what she does, I'd suggest you try the same as best as possible. You'll never know what she is thinking and why she does what she does, currently, so the only thing it does is add unneeded stress on you, created by you.. If that makes sense..

Sorry to hear your where you are, I am going to be rapidly approaching where you are soon also. It is what it is. Coach would say you can handle it, I hope I can as well..

[CABBR]

Thanks IWITW, I just checked out your thread a little - eegads - we've got a lot in common.

I think these days Cabbr ... is done. I try to avoid looking at my wife, but when I do, it's sort of in the vein of a detached (mostly) by-stander watching a particularly nasty car wreck.

I will be able to handle it better now, but my kids are still in the dark in terms of what's really happening and I have to be strong for them. I also have to focus on what I want.

Cabbr

[CABBR]

For some reason, my W bought me a new shower curtain yesterday and today she is packing the kids stuff because I'm taking them on a trip this weekend. I felt like saying, no thanks I can take care of it, but I just let her do her thing. I am pretty dark at this point and will remain so.

Cabbr

[iwantittowork]

eegads - we've got a lot in common.

That's what I noticed in your thread as well, and why I had been posting in it.

You'll find common themes in almost every thread, even though every person and sitch is different.

I also have to focus on what I want.

Keep that in the fore front of your mind. I find myself slipping at times, thinking of the 'family' including my W. The current 'family' is you and your kids, as the W wants out.

I find it hard to believe, but it has to be, that our W's don't think of us as 'family' anymore where they are at..

[CABBR]

IWITW,

Yes, when I was considering a job offer in an adjoining state, and I was conflicted about marginalizing my relationship with the kids - she was said, "Why, I'll be there for them."

Although I'm not sure why it matters at this point, I have to do a better job of being cheerful around my W. I'm having a hard time with the "loving" part of detachment. Most of the time I'm just kind of flat when speaking to her. I'm not rude, but not too warm either - mostly because I'm pissed off about the pain inflicted on our children. just venting.

Anyway, I had a good weekend away with my boys. Minimal contact with W. Just a few phone calls to have kids say good morning and good night to her. They still ask why she can't come with us and why she has to work at night, etc. Even my little guy asks. At least she was home this time when we got back on Sunday, so they could spend time with her.

Cabbr