Ah, SP--if only we could believe that! We need to feel beautiful. And in our (superficial, image-obsessed) culture, there's nothing more invisible and therefore irrelevant, than an aging, plump-ing woman. We're told we "let ourselves go"--which is a supreme insult. In fact, several folks told me after xH walked out that I need to focus on losing a few lbs because I've "let myself go." It is a ubiquitous message we receive, and the unconditional-ness of your message is a rarity. But it is appreciated!
Originally Posted By: ?
But I'm afraid -- and I use that adjective deliberately, "afraid" -- that @mindfull (you listening, friend?) thinks that by slimming down she's going to catch her H's eye.
okay, I haven't read everything, as I am WAY behind, but just being on this topic, I felt the need to add my cents.
I am not a guy, but the deal is, guys want a woman that looks good on the outside as well as the inside. It doesn't mean, (as sp already has said) that they need to look like Angelina jolie, it pretty much means that they take care of themselves, they are confident in themselves and they love themselves. It doesn't mean they are a size 3. However, if a woman is obese, I have to be honest and say that it is imperative that they lose weight, not for their husband, but for themselves. (mindblank, not saying your obese! just talkin in general) when we are overweight, that goes for men too, we are not taking care of ourselves in the best way that we can. this usually causes self complexes as well, can cause depression, whatever, or those caused the weight gain, but the cycle continues.
BUT, if a woman IS overweight, it doesn't mean she can't be confident, or not love herself. you must choose to do these things so that you can take pride in what God has given you and take care of your body in a precious way. It all fits together.
On the "you let yourself go" I don't agree with their wording, or the way they bring it up, but on average, it's true. Many of us mothers/wives end up putting ourselves at the bottom of the list. We put everyone and everything at the top and we DO let ourselves go because everyone and everything is more important than taking care of ourselves. so we think.
The biggest thing our men want to see is us be happy with ourselves and look like we are taking care of our bodies. If we are complaining about how our legs look big, but then we never do anything about it, and keep eating the same, they are going to be frustrated. Especially if they married us when we DID take care of ourselves and looked good for them. It's important for our men that we look good for them. It makes them feel important and loved when we look our best.
anyways, that was my 2 cents.
MB, did you try to initiate while I've been away? or is it just about the bathroom being locked? which has happened with me too, even since being together, so I don't think of it as a big deal, but sounds like you didn't either in some later posts.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
oh, and MB losing weight to get her man, can be in an indirect way, be okay. If she is doing it to take care of herself and be in her best shape and boost her confidence, all that good stuff. Those latter reasons, that come from losing weight-for women- can be part of the reasons that the lbs comes back. it's that confidence and the overall change in attitude, not so much the pounds that brings them back.
if she lost the pounds but still complained about her weight, still hated her body, still lacked self esteem, then her man would not come back. it's all the "side-affects" (for lack of a better word) from losing weight that does it.
I did lose a lot of weight from being depressed those first 2 weeks. although it was a horrible way to lose weight, I am glad because it got me feeling better about how I looked and I did start taking better care of myself, exercising and all that. now since then, due to those aweful holidays, I have gradually packed them back on, but I still love myself and I'm still confident because I have learned those traits thru my sitch. However, I do feel more insecure and so I am back on the road to losing those pounds again, because I know I will be better in bed, better with lots of stuff because I won't be as insecure of myself. yes, tmi, but it's true.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
They may look innocent, plain, ho hum... PURE HEAVEN ON!!!
9 miles logged w/ankle weights, 2 exercise classes (almost died last night... The Ultimate Conditioning class should come with a warning!!!)
You TOTALLY get it w/the weight.
Micro-Derm tomorrow. I don't think I've had it done. Sun damage, ya know?
Next week... partial highlight and a trim, AND, get this.... Drum roll please!!!!! Laser skin tightening (neck and décolletage!! If only they could laser my as$!!! LOL
Sorry about Joey. Is he comfortable, at least??? The family must be sad beyond words.
Glad the littles are FAB, and the arch-nemesis is comin' around. She's just freakin' jealous! I just had to have a word with our INTERIM Principal this week. I ended it with, "When does Mr. B come back?" She says, "2 weeks." I say, "HALLELUIAH!!!!!"
Steer clear of the stalker.
Love ya!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
MB, did you try to initiate while I've been away? or is it just about the bathroom being locked? which has happened with me too, even since being together, so I don't think of it as a big deal, but sounds like you didn't either in some later posts.
ST - I didn't try to initiate something, really... just faked him out in the am last week, as he was walking around the bedroom in a towel. Playful yank! Shocked the heck out of him! LOL He didn't run, though! So, all is good....
I like your last post. I "get it" with the body image. Even these 5-7 lbs gone make me feel better. Today, (field trip w/4th grade), I wore yoga pants and a neon green tank, and felt great! I haven't been able to wear this stuff, as those extra few lbs. made me a bit dumpy.
I just bet I'll be better in bed, too! Hopefully, I'll find out someday soon!
Just got your email. Kind of forgot about the Monavie!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
On the issue of weight after being sick earlier in the year and then being allowed back into the gym, I literally became a bit of gym junkie. I lost the weight I had put on over the past 24 years and it makes such a difference to how you see yourself it does change you as a person, you walk with more confidence and project confidence that people are drawn to.
I walk 3 miles w/ankle weights 4-5 times per week in the am with some mom's from the boys school. And, then, I'm doing any class offered at the gym next to my boys soccer training fields in the evenings 2-4 times/week. So far, I've done:
YOGA - My God! They turned the heat up to 82 degrees F! ON PURPOSE!! And, although I was incredibly sore afterwards, and I feel like I got an awesome workout, the peace and quiet and focus was not for me! I was supposed to be focusing on inhaling, and I'm sneaking a look at my keys/phone in the corner, "Hmmmm was that a txt coming in?" Then, when I'm supposed to be staring at the ceiling contemplating some stretch, clearing my head, I'm like... "What else do I need to get at Target on the way home?" NOT for me! I need loud music, yelling, and lots of cardio!
STABILITY BALL CLASS - LOVED IT! Nice mix of cardio and core training. Hurt like hell the next am, through the core. Handsome men in class, too! LOL However, I don't like mixing sexes in these classes. It's just weird.
ULTIMATE CONDITIONING CLASS - LOVED IT! Ditto!
SPIN CLASS - LOVED IT!!!!! I seriously almost threw up, but then Lenny Kravitz came on, and, frankly, I think he's hot, so I kept peddling and singing along (in my head!).
I'm doing kickboxing net. I used to do Tae Bo, and I grew up in Tae Kwon Do. And, I'd really like to use some of those moves on my H right now, so I'm sure I'll excel!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Because I have a heart condition, I workout with a personal trainer twice a week (that has been the best investment, expensive but works like nothing else),
spin class once a week,
body strong class (intense interval training) and
Tabata (a circuit style class).
I also walk the dog each day and now I am in the townhouse, I have stairs to run up and down.
I tried yoga but I am like you, I need intense music and fast paced classes to keep me interested. I know yoga is good and I have tried it several times but just find it isn't for me.
I want to start training for a bike marathon next year, that's my next goal. The trainers at the gym call me a "machine" because I can go from the training session with the trainer straight into an hour long spin class.
The difference the trainer has made in me in a few short months is incredible.
BTW when I was doing a spin class not long after the bomb was dropped the trainer was telling us to imagine ourselves somewhere else other than the room drinking coffee by the beach or something, I imagined I was running over H repeatedly. After the class that night, my friends commented that I had the most intense look on my face at that time. It helped with the anger. Mind you he was at the gym at the same time so it made it really easy to imagine what I was doing.
and I'm sneaking a look at my keys/phone in the corner, "Hmmmm was that a txt coming in?" Then, when I'm supposed to be staring at the ceiling contemplating some stretch, clearing my head, I'm like... "What else do I need to get at Target on the way home?" NOT for me! I need loud music, yelling, and lots of cardio!
that is hilarious! totally what I would be doing too! I think that means we need to start slowing our brains down. lol
did you really yank on his towel??? I love it!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Good morning, another late night at the hospital. S14's soccer game today at 4:30 in Williams Bay - then back up to the hospital. Lots of drama there - but yes, Joey is comfortable.
It sounds like you're still rocking and rolling - yoga pants and a tank! Good for you!
I've not exercised this week, my back has been bothering me - dealing with one of my students has strained it. It's feeling better, and I hope to be back on track by Monday. It's not good for me to get out of my routine for too long!
Washing machine is broken . Hopefully, fixed today.
Any fun (besides endless soccer games) for your weekend?
. Hopefully, fixed today.