Well Cas, actions speak louder than words and you are still speaking volumes in your silence! Good onya. When, and if, you are ready, then you can pull together your response.
Meanwhile, you are doing just great!! Keep going now ... you are leading me by a few days so please keep the bar up so that I have to keep raising my game too!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nell, it is a little different at the beginning (you are in stage one- reducing negative feelings) to when you are in our sitches further on in. Our h's were so unresponsive for so long and we have worked so hard in building these friendships (stage 2) that it is hard to find the balance as we don't want to go backwards. The thing that I am finding is that it is hard to push through to the next stage where our h's are making active effort with us.
I think you have probably left enough time elapse now Cas. You could try something like
'Lets look at it when you are next over'. And bat it back to him. Let him ask you for the bookshelf and then you can say yes or no.
As I am not as far along as you in your situation but I like JCJ's last comment on now would be a good time to reply. As someone said to me once, you want to appear in control but not difficult.
Well said Julia about stage 1 and stage 2. My primary objective was not to initiate contact because I thought he relied on me initiating. I was not out to ignore him or to create extra tension. Have to remember I still need his assistance with the kids so that I can have a life!
I can let it go and when he asks just tell him I was busy and forgot. Then i can ask directly what he wants.
Think I'll let it ride another day and see what happens.
Sounds good Cas. My other feeling is that I wouldn't necessarily excuse yourself by saying you forgot either. You don't have to give explanations. Don't forget that the WAS uses the tactic of replying late to texts all the time and it has the effect of driving us mad (or me anyway ). Just something to consider.
But, good that he initiated contact. Be prepared that this subject may drop and another excuse comes up to talk to you.
Sorry I really meant it slipped my mind to reply because I was too busy but I get what you're saying, Julia.
the thing with H is that he usually replies to texts in minutes. Emails usually the same day. It's only when we've just had an argument and he is playing the 'I want no more contact' that he'll let them go unanswered.
I'll be ready for another contact but I'm really expecting him to come back and ask did I get his message?
Hi Cas I’ve been thinking about this. Not to reply at all looks a bit childish (and may be perceived as game playing), but then to give in would allow him to see you as a pushover. Ignore what the kids have told you, if he wants something specific he should ask you directly. What about reply, state that you thought he’d bought everything when he moved out, but ask if he wants anything in particular. Are you sure it’s for him and not for OW or her child? It does seem to be an odd thing to ask for. Sounds from what the kids said it’s nothing of value so probably not worth getting in a lather about.
My view is that if it’s not important there’s no need to sweat over it. Is he going to want to spend more time with you if you make a big deal and fuss about every little thing? 
). Just something to consider.