X called me yesterday afternoon and asked questions related to kids and school starting. I had taken them to school that AM as I kept them for her because of her fall and she would have to pick them up. She was driving at the time.
There was a piece of furniture at her house she offered to me and she said that afternoon would be a good time for me to pick it up. OM would be there and he could help me load it onto my truck. When I arived shortly thereafter I was surprised to find her answering the door and mentioned I didn't expect her to be there. She invited me in and called for OM. After he came out the two of them retreated in the house for a moment. I could hear them talking low down the hallway. Then the three of us went outside to load the piece.
After loading it on my truck I took off my sportcoat as I was still in my work clothes and it was warm. X apologized for "making" me sweat. OMH and I say very little to each other, only what is absolutely necessary.
X called again this afternoon. I told her I was thinking of her just before she called. "What were you thinking?" she asked. "How your back is doing and if you are ok." I answered. I lied as I was also thinking of the very sexy shoes she was wearing the day before when I went by her house for the furniture.
Something weird (or dysfunctional) is going on. X is very quick to call me if she misses my call and calls unnecessarily fairly often. I have noticed she calls when she isn't around OMH (example: when she is driving alone in her car). When OMH is around she hardly says squat to me, but chit-chats on and on when he isn't. A couple of weeks ago she gave a sheepish wave when she and OMH picked up the kids early. I knew something seemed different about the wave and now realize it was behind his back while he was facing me. I can't help but think he was not happy I was at "their" house yesterday and that's what the whispering was about in the hallway. I wonder if he knew she was on the phone with me after she hurt her back Sunday. I have since learned he left her ALONE in his boat and was in the boat that was towing his while she was on the phone with me. He berrated her for a being such a "baby". She later apologized to him for HER behavior.
X still has an emotional attachment to me and OMH knows it. They fought about this while dating before they were married. One time X was angry with me because they were fighting about me. He is insecure. He is arrogant. He must be the center of attention.
For the first time I wonder if there is some sort of emotional abuse taking place.
I told the kids that in our new apartment (into which I am still settling) we will eat at the dining room table as a family rather than in front of the TV. When this comment was met with surprise I asked if that is not where they eat at X's house. "No, we eat in our bedrooms," they replied. "X gives you your food and sends you to your rooms?" I asked. "Yes" they replied together without disagreement.
I cannot help but wonder if that is not because of OMH as I recall X's comment that he is, "just going to have to adjust to having kids around."
Last edited by sleeper; 08/26/0902:11 AM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Maybe you should let your X know that the kids told you they have to eat in their rooms at her house. Not come across as angry about it, just concerned. It's her choice if she wants to be in an emotionally abusive R, but she can't allow the abuse to extend to the children-- they have been through too already, especially your little girl.
What do you think is the attraction of creepy OM for your X? You mentioned before that she was abused as a child-- might that have something to do with it?
OMH doesn't come across as "creepy". The attraction (and R) he and X have is kinda odd, maybe codependent. He was on the rebound from a D when they met, her mlc had just begun and she was in full replay mode. It's always been as if he had some spell over her. After they settled into a R they fought a great deal and were on and off several times. I was surprised they became engaged and also a bit surprised they didn't call it off before marrying.
It makes me sick for the kids. DD once remarked, "I hope X and OM don't get divorced like you and mom did. I don't want to go through this again."
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I am really sorry about the kids having dinner in their rooms. That is awful. I try to have meals at table, too.
You have an interesting perspective w/emotional abuse.
Clearly she is attached to you...but she is married.
I think that if you get involved with someone while they are still married, you have to kind of expect that they are not going to be "over" the M. So an interesting situation: OM/H is jealous of YOU.
They will self-destruct, but it could take a very long time.
So what have you done for Sleeper lately?
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Clearly she is attached to you...but she is married.
Yeah, seems that way. DD called last night, then X called back just a few minutes after we hung up the phone. We chit-chatted for about 45 minutes. I was surprised how long we talked. I'm thinking OMH wasn't home.
Quote:
They will self-destruct, but it could take a very long time.
Ain't that the truth. I'm thinking 3-5 years.
Quote:
So what have you done for sleeper lately?
I bought a new (used) vehicle late last spring and moved to a new apt this summer.
My short term goal is to get my antidepressant perscription filled.
Last edited by sleeper; 08/27/0911:02 AM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Hey Sleeper, first of all, get the prescription filled today. That's an easy one.
I dont think buying a car and moving to a new apartment qualify for things you are doing for you. I guess technically they do. But what do you do for fun? What do you do just for you?
When their A started she must have told OM lots of horrible stuff about you, but now that he knows you somewhat, and can see that you're not a monster but a really nice guy, your friendly interractions with X must be incredibly threatening to him. You don't want to be too available to X (industrial-strength cake-eater that she is), but I would still help her out occasionally just to make OM squirm (but that's just evil me).
Now to beat Foward's drum: what fun plans do you have for yourself this weekend?
