Thank you (((*sisters*))) - I just wish that you were waiting around the corner and were there to pick me up later because a big part of me sees this backfiring badly!
I am excited for H's arrival but, as I was unpacking the dishwasher, I also reminded myself that I should have no expectations - afterall, he's purely coming to help start the car! Anything else will be a bonus but I do consider that this is the first time that I have put a bit of effort in on my appearance front - not too much but just subtle ...
I also think that, despite his protestations earlier, he must still care to to even be coming to help out .... some WAH's would just say "your on your own" I guess?
OK - breathing, breathing, calm, calm. (Boots are killing me but I can take the pain)!
In Helen Reddy's words "I am strong, I am invincible, I am WOMAN"!!!!!!!!!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Your goal is small. To create a doubt or two, to leave a questionmark over his head, to make this a positive interaction... Nothing else. Dont expect too much but trust me, all you need is a little... xxx K
Oh Kalni - now you have me thinking ... what could I possibly say/do to give that doubt to him when he seems not to want to know anything about me right now?? Any thoughts ... ??
Or is what you are saying that what I have already done, in terms of my appearance this evening, the small goal which just makes him wonder why ... ?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nothing you can say at the moment. Your 'do' is to be calm, collected and try and make this as positive as possible. Small, tiny baby steps... and appearance is a great step.
Oh fellow DB'ers ... apologies in advance - this is going to be a biggie but such a goodie!!
I'm so upbeat and over the moon!! The visit didn't last that long - I got my usual two and a half hours (weird that it's always two and a half hours) but it was quality DB stuff!!!
For the first time, H arrived early - forty minutes early! He got right in to sorting the car - which took him just a few minutes. I felt like a fraudster as he didn't find anything wrong but he knew that it was not a lame excuse as it didn't start for him either, intially. We went for a test drive and I asked that we call by a house that my new friends daughter is building - not far from ours. H drove passed and then reversed back, looked the house over and asked why I wanted to see it. I explained that I had been invited there for Christmas, but didn't tell him who's house it was! He didn't seem to like that and so drove on.
When we got home he said that he needed some things, which I let him take. He wanted 3 garden chairs - odd number. He explained one to sit on, one to put his feet on and one for a 'table' - I almost said "one for you , one for bimbo and one for her D" but I resisted, being the good DB'er that I have become today!!
We talked about stuff in general and he said that he had two days planned down south .. I didn't even ask. I just said that I hoped the weather would be nice for him. I was so upbeat, smily and attentive to his conversation. It seemed to warm him and I asked if I could fix him some dinner. He said that had already eaten but his appetite is still not right - stress and stuff. I called him on that and asked why he still felt that way after 3 months. He said that things weren't right but that I would not want to discuss it so I left it there.
Couldn't decipher whether or not H was with OW at weekend - he told me where he had been but didn't say if he was on his own or not. I joked with him that I was still waiting on my invite to his unit for coffee and he said that yes, I would be waiting a long time for that one! I asked him if he was happy (it felt appropriate) and he said that yes he kind of was but that he had definitely made the right choice in leaving ... I said that I was happy for him and smiled my best but least sarcastic smile
He needed something else from the garage and so took the opportunity to show me how to work the new mower! We talked a bit about financials and then it was time to go. He went to the bathroom and, as I was unable to go out and post his Fathers Day card today (yes, I decided that I woul send it!) I slipped it in to a box that he was taking - along with a packet of Beef Hula Hoops that he loves so much! I put the porch lights on and I prepared for a good parting. He came back and said "would you like to try the car again before I go" and something told me that it was a delay tactic on his behalf ... though I don't know.
He seemed to want to go but not ... anyhow, we chatted a bit by the door and he said that I should go in. I said that I was fine and I would like to see him off so he just loafed about and then said that he would see me next time. I stayed out by the door and waved as he drove away. I smiled the whole time - though if he could see me in the dark, I'm not sure!
Before he left, he asked me if I could forward an email that I had sent and that he wanted to reply to but has lost it after only reading half of it. I said that I would send it and I also wanted him to send me a copy of "The Script" as I want to take it to my counselling session on Monday. Now, baby steps or not (as I consider this evening to have been), I am doing a big 180 here. Ordinarily, I would have come to my computer and sent that email to him immediately. Now I am thinking, he gets the email but only when I get mine!
On emails - he also said before he left - "we have email" and I asked what that meant. He said that it was our way to talk if we wanted to and so I couldn't resist but tell him that he rarely responds - with a lift and a laugh in my voice! He said that he only ignores stuff that doesn't warrant a response - he's not like me and writes reams!! I chuckled and said "OK then I will email when I have a question or something interesting to say"!
I don't think that the boots went un-noticed - he didn't comment but there was certainly 'a look'. I also made a thing of pulling them off when we got in the house .. I had done my prancing!
He did some jobs in regard the pool and spa and then asked if I would like the washing line to be put back up - he had taken it down for some reason a while back. I thanked him for doing all the jobs and told him that I appreciated him having done the things that I had not gotten around to.
So, that was about it. I felt no need to pursue or badger him in to answers tonight and I felt hapy to let him go on his elastic band. I felt the support and encouragement from every one here and I knew that you were all flies on the wall and that made me smile too!! All my coaching - and reading bits of DB again before he arrived, kept me calm and ensured that I had a brilliant visit with H. There was no offer of a hug tonight and I didn't make comment .. I wonder if he was thinking about it though - he seemed to be for a split second.
So, now I just have to wait until next time but again, I did well and didn't ask when the next time would be! I know that this is a good win and I'm sure that I shall come crashing soon enough but for now, I am going to have a good sleep tonight and know that I have done the best job that I can of upholding the DB techniques in order to get at least one baby step chalk mark up on my calendar!
Thank you all for your support as always but particularly those who helped me through today - you know who you are and I am forever in your debt
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
