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#1824313 - 08/23/09 12:30 AM Re: Practical advice needed [Re: 25yearsmlc]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Thanks 25!!!! Well, I had forewarned H that he must have permission to take them out of the country but I don't know that it registered. I have ALL of their documents with me so I doubt he could even get them passports without my assistance. Honestly, I have NO reason to think this will get out of hand but I will be mindful as usual.

Retrouvaille. Funny you mentioned it. I do think about it and feel sad when I see it in other people's sitches. I even called once. A while back I had mentioned it vaguely to H just to say in all honesty that it would be for both of us to know that we did everything we could. He sort of took it in. When brought up again, he said he just couldn't go away with me for a weekend, would be too weird.

Not sure now, I still think that prior to filing it might be wroth suggesting. At this point they might have a harder time with me than him...I just don't know how I could ever trust and feel safe with him again but I would go if he would. It would be just as hard for me, so we'd be in it together. Would be frightening to make myself vulnerable to him again. I mean, with the IMago, I poured my heart out and it felt horrible after to ML and feel so much understanding between us and have him subsequently say that doing those exercises just aren't who he is...it feels to weird, fake...etc. which I actually relate to but sh*t if it works (which it did) I'll suck it up and do it. There have been numerous things that have helped. I think his ego and sense of fulfilling his destiny makes him resent any prospect that stands a likelihood of bringing us together. Sick and sad...he has really dug himself in.

Anyway, it is remarkable to me that you brought it up because I have tried to ward off any thoughts of it in the midst of my detachment. It is hard to walk that tight-rope.

I would LOVE to come see your stand-up!

I'll find you on FB.

Glad your daughter is okay! Scary, right??? Makes you really remember what is important.
_________________________


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#1824512 - 08/23/09 05:29 PM Re: Practical advice needed [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Saw a bunch of old friends last night (hadn't seen in 20 years)...wow, was that weird. Kind of put my life in perspective and unfortunately made me a bit nostalgic for when I was "married with two kids"...I don't know if that makes sense but I woke up feeling a bit aimless and lonely...all those years gone by and here I am, starting all over.

I'm not even close to down or depressed...gonna have a great day. Was just a surreal experience and I miss the feeling of relative stability and gratification that came from being an intact family...

Anyhoo, that Retrovaille talk got to me a bit too.

What I love is that I can have these feelings and still deal with the reality of my sitch. Major progress.
_________________________


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#1824518 - 08/23/09 05:50 PM Re: Practical advice needed [Re: aliveandkicking]
Kalni Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/08
Posts: 10261
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I'll find you on FB.


Yep, she only needs to respond...
K
_________________________
Me&H:42
S11&D10
Bomb 5/2007-Sep 11/2007
Reconc.November 2009

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#1824702 - 08/24/09 02:11 AM Aye caramba... [Re: Kalni]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
I'm out at a play... Gonna need some Gucci help soon. Something's in the water cuz H is starting to pay attention...

More later...
_________________________


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#1824704 - 08/24/09 02:12 AM Re: Aye caramba... [Re: aliveandkicking]
davidswife Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 819
Loc: Midwest
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Something's in the water cuz H is starting to pay attention...


SCRIPT!!
_________________________
Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15

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#1824792 - 08/24/09 06:15 AM Re: Practical advice needed [Re: Kalni]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10872
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Kalni
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I'll find you on FB.


Yep, she only needs to respond...
K


maybe I'm clueless but I think A/K needs to find me, right? cuz I tried to find her and got some other interesting peeps with that name...but not YOU a/k..

THanks Kaini, as usual!
j-
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#1824795 - 08/24/09 07:09 AM Re: Practical advice needed [Re: 25yearsmlc]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Aaargh, I contacted Kalni on there and asked her to connect me with you. Hey, I'm one of her friends, that should make it easy...
_________________________


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#1824796 - 08/24/09 07:23 AM Re: Aye caramba... [Re: davidswife]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: davidswife
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Something's in the water cuz H is starting to pay attention...


SCRIPT!!


Ya. And...I am not going to handle it the way I have before but this is tough because he tries to bait me any way he can.

Of course now I'm too tired to even recap but I had a great night and handled him just fine...again, I can "handle it." As soon as I get nervous or fearful or feel the hook sinking in, I remind myself that I can "handle it." And I do.

Basically, he is squirming around because I'm going out, he doesn't know where or with whom and I don't engage with him (just friendy when we exchange the kids)...second reference tonight to us maybe going out. Ya, right. And, ultimately, we "need to talk serious stuff." To which I answered basically, "Not right now while you know I'm out and not via text. smile Later. Email."

He answered. "huh?"

I said, "let's talk later." He gave me a juvenile response that referenced being "safe" (as in safe sex)...which I ignored and then he apologized and said he's just "on the edge" which I presume is supposed to compel me to explore what is wrong with him...I did not respond.

Now, I am handling everything so well.

My only real issue is that there's that bitty part of me that would prefer we work it out despite the fact that I can't see how we could ever be together again and I have lost both attraction and desire for him.

I really need to hold my ground as he turns the heat up and tests my resolve.
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#1824812 - 08/24/09 10:15 AM Re: Aye caramba... [Re: aliveandkicking]
gucci loafer Offline
Member

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 1408
Yes you are handling it correctly now.

Just one ingredient missing now, but you told me you won't entertain it. I didn't invent what works on a man, but do KNOW for SURE what does. As simple as it sounds and as much as you disagree, some men just need a challenge. I would recommend that you give him just that.

It really is that simple.

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#1824928 - 08/24/09 02:14 PM Re: Aye caramba... [Re: gucci loafer]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
As simple as it sounds ... some men just need a challenge.


AMEN!

A/K. just do it.

you do not need to get yourself a male escort. Just get acquainted. Interact. You will be suprised at how quick "they" pick up on the fact that you are not waiting around thinking and pining about them.

You asked for Gucci's advice specifically, so I will not butt in. But I want to add one point: spend some time reading threads from men who have WAW and study what they say their wifes say to them. What is called "Script" on this site. Add it to your vocabulary. Your husband will be the one walking around questioning what is in the water.
SMcQ

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