I have turned my bad mood in to a mediocre one but have spent the morning working on that and doing stuff that will REALLY show H, even if he doesn't comment, on how I am turning things around and GAL - even if it is only to look after my home a little more than I have of late. I have moved furniture, changed around the soft furnishings, cleaned everything that is standing still (though it was already clean - even the cats have run for cover)!! I have altered around two of our bedrooms and the house largely does not represent how it looked a few days ago! I wonder if he will notice?
I have put away my 'personal' bits'n'bobs - he complained a few weeks ago that our home was all about me and displayed none of him and so I have hunted around for the small bits that are left here of his. I have carefully but deliberately, placed a Science book on to the coffee table and one or two other things around the house - I'm sure that he will notice those! I haven't overdone it so that he considers it phony but just a few changes to say that I accept that this is his home too. I have moved his desk back to where it was, prior to his moving out and I have cleared off my own desk ... it was a bit of a tip - untidy desk, untidy mind??!!
Tomorrow I shall tackle all the leaves that have blown on to the patio and are making a nice skirt around the cats jungle gym! A job that we have both promised to do for ages.
I am surprisingly finding solace in working on the home and making it more 'us' friendly than he seems to think that it was previously. My financial plight does not allow me to go out and buy the things that I would like to in order to enhance my efforts at this time but he will appreciate that fact and hopefully just comment on what I have managed to do. Even if he does not, I just hope that it will make him start to think.
Oh hear me whittering away - sorry but it just helps to vent all this stuff when I am a home alone abandoned wife. Thank you for being there (((hugs)))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Looking forward to Counselling Session #2 tomorrow! Just wish that I could get H to come with me ...
He has asked me to go with him in the past - but I was a total non-believer. Now I am really in to it (yes, just after the one session)! Anyone got any ideas of how I could persuade him ...?? H is coming down to see me this coming week and I would love to have something positive up my sleeve. I'm sure that he will initiate R talk and that would be my moment ... any thoughts gratefully received.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Oooh, just thought of another one for you and this is a BIG one -sorry to be so demanding today!
How can I possibly procure WAH in to spending Friday 11 Sept with me - rather than potentially the start of a weekend with OW? I understand that it's a long shot ....
It will be our 16th WA and, as he let me down badly on my July birthday, is there something that MAY help him to make up for that??!! I know that I can't make him do what he doesn't want to but sometimes you can lead the horse to water - he just may not take the drink. I also know that I am undoubtedly looking outside the DB'ing confines on this one ...
*Hopeful*
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
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Cas - I might also say that if you have any special circumstances, Rel Aus. are happy to hear you out. They haven't charged me a cent for anything and I have spoken to them heaps on the phone. I also managed to get a Rebuilding Course (although it hasn't taken place yet) down from $180 to just $40 when they heard my circumstances.
Best advice, if you go down this road, is to find where your local branch is and go direct, rather than through the state office. I did that initially and they denied that counselling was even available - said that I should go via my GP! Go direct. Good luck, if that's what you are doing.
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 08/23/0909:03 AM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
For sure - it's all about knowing what's out there and, to my benefit, I have been getting some great advice from folk that I worked with recently whilst doing an agency stint.
What I have found, which appeared to disarm H, was that knowledge is power - and he didn't like it. I think that he felt I was bluffing on going to seek legal advice but when I brought out the packages of information, he almost choked.
It really made a difference and instead of him now speaking to me like I am dirt beneath him, he seems to have found a new respect in that I did take the reigns and I am prepared to forge my way forward, if necessary. His attitude changed, even though his threats did not.
Evidently, I don't want things to go as far as me having to counteract upon his legal action. I have to admit that he has not threatened D for a long time now but he continues to force me in terms of $ for mortgage and bills, even though he knows I am struggling to find work. He did not go through with his threat of valuing the house this weekend, but I suspect that is only because he was busy with 'entertaining' this weekend. When he comes to see me next week, I am fully prepared for that to be top of his agenda once again.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nell, for many months divorce and finances were my H's specialty. However, when it came to the crunch nothing happened. This somehow always became my fault in his eyes and I was blamed for stalling. With the advice of a DB coach I kept saying, "This is not my preferred option but I will not stand in your way if this is the way forward for you." Nothing then happened and still hasn't.
I am glad you have been able to keep busy, it is very important that you do that even though it can be hard, I know been there done that.
You really just have to keep going with doing things for you that make you happy. I am proof that this does work, just from this weekend.
Not sure about how you would get him to spend a particular date with you, I think the more wise experienced ones will be able to advise on that one.
It is all about respect, I learn't from this that my H had no respect for me but I think he has now found respect for me, given what I have been doing without him and he has definitely noticed that.
Keep at it Eskimo, better go and do some work now, will be back after our morning meeting.
