My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[MrBond]

Well if you and her already discussed about not having the kids around with the OM, then I would say the kids stay with you. Seems pretty clear cut to me.

[RedSoxFan]

How about this?

W,

I understand your feelings about supporting your friend. If you feel that it is the right thing for you to do I will support you in that decision. We've already agreed about the kids' exposure. I'd love to have them stay with me

Me

[RedSoxFan]

well I guess I have to make a call here The White Knight doesn't want his love to go and doesn't buy the "going for my friend" story. Twenty years of marriage and I've never heard of these people before now and I feel like calling her on it...but I won't

[RedSoxFan]

This is what I'm thinking now. Time is running out and I have no sounding board. This is so hard.

I can't tell you what decisions to make. For sure being there for your friend and being there with OM are two different things. You know where I stand. We've already agreed about the kids' exposure. I'd love to have them stay with me

[RedSoxFan]

or this:

It's not my place to tell you what to do. For sure being there for your friend and being there with OM are two different things. You know where I stand. We've already agreed about the kids' exposure. I'd love to have them stay with me

[RedSoxFan]

or this:

It's not my place to tell you what to do. You know where I stand. We've already agreed about the kids' exposure. I'd love to have them stay with me

This is cold and not the white knight though.

[RedSoxFan]

OK this is what I ended up sending:

"W,

I understand your feelings about wanting to go and support your friend. If you feel that strongly about attending because it is the right thing for you to do I will support you in that decision. We've already agreed about the kids' exposure. I'd love to have them stay with me

Me"

I then received a call at 10PM while I was at a restaurant. Called W back and she was very angry. She said we had a misunderstanding about what she agreed to with respect to kids being exposed to OM. She said she agreed to stock overnights and limit but not completely eliminate. It caught me off guard. I just said that I disagreed and it went back and forth until she made a comment about my being delusional and I ended the conversation.

I received a followup email that I read late last night. It made me really, really sad. I'll post it in a followup.

[RedSoxFan]

Here's the follow-up email. This did not go at all the way I had hoped I haven't heard from her yet today. The I assume she has decided not to go or to go and take the kids. What should I do? This feels sad and hopeless.

"I apologize for disrupting your dinner. You could have called me back. At this point I"m not sure what my plan will be for tomorrow. It is unlikely that I will go canoeing.

I appreciate the kindness and generosity you have extended to me. I'm sure it has been difficult. All of this has been difficult. I keep going over things in my head and it comes back to the same answer. I care a great deal about you but we can't be together. I need to live my life and find happiness on my own. As long as we're still married that ability is negatively impacted. I don't want to feel like I owe anyone anything. I want to live my life.. The marriage we had is over. It had good and bad times and sadly ended. The reality is that it did end. I can't go back nor do I want to go back to that marriage. I want to end the marriage and some how become friends. I want the decisions for my life to be my own. We do not see life the same or see people the same. I hope we can be friends - honest friends and good parents. I will get the paperwork from the attorney and give it to you to review. I'm sure we will have details to hash out. What she put together is a rough sketch because I didn't have all information.. I will do my best to coparent with you but I can't allow you to run my life or impact my decisions. I'm a good person and a good mom. I have made mistakes but my kids have never had to question if I was there for them. Ever. My request for you not to expose the kids to another woman was less than 2 months after you left and at a time you had basically disappeared from their lives. I have documenation to prove the time frame. You left them and you left their mother. It is very much different and the timing considerably different.. Regardless this is where we are. The kids have met OM. If I continue to date OM then I will not lie to the kids and they will have some exposure to him. I agreed to stop the sleep overs and the constant exposure but I in no way agreed to stop exposure completely. That is impossible without lies and i'm not going there."

[RedSoxFan]

I really need some advice on this. I don't know what to do next.

[RedSoxFan]

I just spoke to W on phone. She was very nice and pleasant. We chatted for about 30 minutes about this and that. At the end she told me she's not going anywhere today, she's just hanging wit the kids.I didn't ask how or why she arrived at that decision. I don't know what to make of the whole thing. I do know that I carried on quite a conversation with myself throughout this. Looks like about a million posts above from just me...somehow I'm thinking that might not be good ;-)