Wow. Away with the kids having a really nice time. Today's my bday and I woke up kind of down...I guess it makes sense but I like to think I'm over it.
H called to say happy birthday, and texted and emailed and posted on my fb page.
Anyway, gonna go exploring with the kids and enjoy my day!
Yay!!!!!
Happy B-Day A&K....have an awesome day
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Happy Birthday. You have grown quite a bit lately.
Cheers
ps this is the site for the band that we saw on my b-day
polkayoureyeout.com
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well, I would like to say that this all gets easier, and it does, but in some ways it is harder...perhaps it is the disappointment that H is who is and is soooo in it with rock star and just so distracted from any real comprehension of what he is missing.
As I prepare to embark on our new life, school starts, huge decisions to make, H seems blissfully immersed in chasing around rock-star (and for mere pitons compared to what he used to make). He doesn't care. His travel is covered, he stays in nice places, fancy dinners with uber-important people...and why I am I talking about him?????
Because while away on my trip, I had many pangs of sadness, awareness that this little threesome (me and my kids) are my family and of course I had a blast and so did they but I wanted someone to share the moments with, for better or worse, I just did. And the kids missed their dad.
Looking at it realistically, I have done so much of this on my own for quite a while so the feeling was familiar. However, there was a time and were times we were so together and really loved when we went on vacations...I miss that.
So, perhaps I can look at H as if he is sick, he is now fully immersed in the fake and pseudo-fabulous world of rock-stars and special people.
I don't completely understand why he contacts me so much or in the way he does, maybe just keep the connection...I don't know. But, damn I'm still disappointed in him. The public display of his experience on FB is humorous and humiliating (him dressing up in rock star clothes and women posting suggestive remarks)...
On a better note, my kids are so awesome and we had a wonderful time.
Well, I would like to say that this all gets easier, and it does, but in some ways it is harder...perhaps it is the disappointment that H is who is and is soooo in it with rock star and just so distracted from any real comprehension of what he is missing.
As I prepare to embark on our new life, school starts, huge decisions to make, H seems blissfully immersed in chasing around rock-star (and for mere pitons compared to what he used to make). He doesn't care. His travel is covered, he stays in nice places, fancy dinners with uber-important people...and why I am I talking about him?????
Because while away on my trip, I had many pangs of sadness, awareness that this little threesome (me and my kids) are my family and of course I had a blast and so did they but I wanted someone to share the moments with, for better or worse, I just did. And the kids missed their dad.
Looking at it realistically, I have done so much of this on my own for quite a while so the feeling was familiar. However, there was a time and were times we were so together and really loved when we went on vacations...I miss that.
So, perhaps I can look at H as if he is sick, he is now fully immersed in the fake and pseudo-fabulous world of rock-stars and special people.
I don't completely understand why he contacts me so much or in the way he does, maybe just keep the connection...I don't know. But, damn I'm still disappointed in him. The public display of his experience on FB is humorous and humiliating (him dressing up in rock star clothes and women posting suggestive remarks)...
On a better note, my kids are so awesome and we had a wonderful time.
We are all complete as individuals yet something inside of us wants us to share our daily experiences with someone else even if that person sometimes is a major source of anxiety, problems, etc.
I think you can look at it that your husband is immersed in a fantasy world right now, sometimes adults want to be kids again, we want to reclaim our youth by living vicariously through others, I don't know if it can be properly explained, I know I look at my kids and wish I was a kid again: being young now a days looks so fun but there are things I wouldn't trade: my new found individuality, the control I exercise in my own life, the positive direction it's going in - there is alot of value in these things.
Him maintaining contact maybe is a way for him to tag you, just to keep you where you are, his safe second backup option just in case the rock star life doesn't work out and if that's the case, you know you have control over that as well. Go dark, no contact, stop replying to msg's, emails, texts, etc.
Either way I hope you had a great birthday, if he missed it, it was his loss, trust me ;-)
Yes, I had a great birthday and a fabulous trip. I have these little mini-battles when I wake up sad, "damn, I'm supposed to be over this by now" and then I accept the feelings and move on.
He did call about 4 times, texted, emailed and posted on my FB page on my birthday but then when we finally spoke (sooner or later I have to let the kids talk to him)...his tone was so distant...
I feel resentful that he is so insulated from the consequences of his actions, that he is so like a kid in that as long as he is stimulated, he is relatively ok. In the mean time, I am navigating my life with the kids and just trying to let the train wreck happen in my peripheral vision. I am shocked that a) this is lasting so long without his bubble bursting and b) our mutual friends aren't telling him that he is acting like a douche-bag, especially posting it all over FB (granted I don't know that they aren't telling him but he is shameless).
Anyway, I have a boatload of things to deal with this week so I better focus.
What you described vis-a-vis your lingering desire for connectedness to Monsoor and Le Shmedlap's obsessive-compulsive attraction to the reflected light of celebutards -- Hey! Monsoor La Teigne! Drawn like a moth to the flame of celebrity -- sounds an awful lot like classic codependency. He's an addict, a fame-junkie. And you're sort of in the Melody Beattie position -- married to a junkie -- though not a junkie yourself (and thank the gods for that!).
Ouch, f*ck, sh*t, aargh. I just spoke to H who comes back from Euro-rock star trip this weekend for our son's birthday. So, this Sunday will be the first time S will wake up on his birthday without me. H offered to let me have the kids that night cuz he "felt bad" (finally!!!) I said that they really miss him and will want to be with him and that I don't want our S6 having to choose. I said that this "comes with the territory and it sucks but I want to do what makes sense for S6." I could tell H felt like sh*t and that is just fine.
He is so excited about the relationship he is cultivating with rock star...I just wanna puke. And no I am not picking him up at the airport...he was really just awed by that...whatever, he can have one of his groupies do it.
And you're sort of in the Melody Beattie position -- married to a junkie -- though not a junkie yourself (and thank the gods for that!).
I think the junkie has more fun, just sayin'.
Let's not forget, regarding this whole "lingering desire for connectedness" thing, there are two little peeps in the middle of this or I would be long and very completely gone.
