mountains out of mole hills here and major mind reading and then discussing with bil who can't possibly know wth is going on with your stbxw. Who cares that you answered the door and she wondered why she had to get out of the car IF IF IF that's what was in her mind? Who cares? What if she's mad at Obama for not meeting the Dalai Lama?? Will you wonder how that relates to you? It doesn't...
Just get the Div paperwork you have, done, and man up tomorrow morning. No arguing, just validating your d's perspective unless it's historical revision and you can say you don't recall it that way. And drop it. But own your stuff and shock her with that accountability. Once you "steal the thunder" and concede the mistakes you made and say you recognize them, you are sorry for the pain you caused her as you love her deeply and you are working on it...SO, a problem being worked on, is no longer a problem...make sense? J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Frank I want to remind you of two things from a while ago. : )
1 - I don't care about the reasons...You a warrior or a paper pushing desk jockey? Man or mouse.
2 - F you Jack
Gratis - 3 - Stop telling me about why she is who she is. Start telling us how Frank is becoming Frank.
Ok,
This morning we were at the High School counselors office with D14 to see what we could do to get her homework done in a timely manner and deal with all the other issues. It was mostly a waste of time. The counselor was easily intimidated and would not press any issues. D14 was uncomfortable and STBX was sometimes teary-eyed.
I finally came up with some ideas to help D14 track her time, make sure homework was submitted instead of 'forgotten'.
I placated counselor and STBX and agreed to a doctors visit to see if she has any hormone / glandular / or other chemical imbalances. STBX says she has been giving her 'supplements' to help her with her depression. Personally I think she's just acting out because she is angry at her mother. I never have any issues with her, she's always happy around me.
So yeah, I took the leadership position and calmly found some solutions.
After the meeting STBX and I spoke outside. I took the action items that were needed to get D14 some folders and other stuff to track her homework better. STBX went on to tell me she thinks D14 is depressed because she misses our dog Diamond and of course, she doesn't want us to be divorced. She went on to add that D14 told her that she felt like it was D14's fault that she couldn't fix this.
I didn't say anything. Then STBX starts to cry again. I calmly asked her what's up, what's hurting her. She then told me how she misses Skylar (our beagle). Now, I have never tried to stop her or D14 from taking him whenever they want. He has been on a couple 'overnights' about 2 months ago.
So I said this to her "Well why don't you take him sometimes? He loves the attention he gets and it's good for all of us"
She didn't reply. I told her I would take care of the items on my 'to do' list and said goodbye.
D14 came home after school and I had the things she needed to help her with her homework organization. I taled to her briefly about the meeting, mostly to let her know that I think the plan we have is a good one and it'll work out.
In the middle of this convo, she says that she'd feel a lot better if she didn't have to deal with her moms emotional outbursts at the condo. STBX cries a lot, and has a lot of hurt. Then she says that they went to the animal shelter the other day looking for a small dog to keep at the condo.
I said 'why would you do that when Skylar would love to spend time with you?' and her response was "I don't know, mom has been whining about how she is so lonely at the condo and she wants a pet". We already have Skylar (beagle) Captain (African Grey bird) and Mischeif (Green Conure Bird).
I do nothing to stop her from having them at her place. I encourage it actually.
D14 gos on to say that they saw a golden retriever at the shelter whose owner was killed in a bike accident, that they would have loved to adopt, but it couldn't live in a condo - and would I be willing to let it live here.
I also said to D14 that she should take Skylar over to STBX condo so he can get spoiled, rather than get another dog.
Frank I want to remind you of two things from a while ago. : )
1 - I don't care about the reasons...You a warrior or a paper pushing desk jockey? Man or mouse.
2 - F you Jack
Gratis - 3 - Stop telling me about why she is who she is. Start telling us how Frank is becoming Frank.
Ok,
This morning we were at the High School counselors office with D14 to see what we could do to get her homework done in a timely manner and deal with all the other issues. It was mostly a waste of time. The counselor was easily intimidated and would not press any issues. D14 was uncomfortable and STBX was sometimes teary-eyed.
Why was the c "Intimidated" and by whom? What would make her feel that way?
I finally came up with some ideas to help D14 track her time, make sure homework was submitted instead of 'forgotten'.
I placated counselor "Placated counselor...." what's that mean? If she needs treatment, get it. Don't you agree? If not, why didn't you say so? If so, what is it you're trying to say now? I don't get it. Sincerely.
and STBX and agreed to a doctors visit to see if she has any hormone / glandular / or other chemical imbalances. STBX says she has been giving her 'supplements' to help her with her depression. Personally I think she's just acting out because she is angry at her mother. I never have any issues with her, she's always happy around me.
Really? D14 wasn't saying something to you in the past 72 hours, crying, about how you've hurt her and she unloaded on stbxw about you, or was angry and said you'd been angry around her or wronged her in some way? I mean I could swear I just read this recently in your posts...but you are saying now that THIS was ALL about her bad r with stbxw?
So yeah, I took the leadership position and calmly found some solutions.
After the meeting STBX and I spoke outside. I took the action items that were needed to get D14 some folders and other stuff to track her homework better. STBX went on to tell me she thinks D14 is depressed because she misses our dog Diamond and of course, she doesn't want us to be divorced. She went on to add that D14 told her that she felt like it was D14's fault that she couldn't fix this.
I didn't say anything. Then STBX starts to cry again. I calmly asked her what's up, what's hurting her. She then told me how she misses Skylar (our beagle). Now, I have never tried to stop her or D14 from taking him whenever they want. He has been on a couple 'overnights' about 2 months ago.
But you are in the family home and they are in a condo. Isn't that part of the life they miss?
So I said this to her "Well why don't you take him sometimes? He loves the attention he gets and it's good for all of us"
She didn't reply. I told her I would take care of the items on my 'to do' list and said goodbye.
D14 came home after school and I had the things she needed to help her with her homework organization. I taled to her briefly about the meeting, mostly to let her know that I think the plan we have is a good one and it'll work out.
In the middle of this convo, she says that she'd feel a lot better if she didn't have to deal with her moms emotional outbursts at the condo. STBX cries a lot, and has a lot of hurt. Then she says that they went to the animal shelter the other day looking for a small dog to keep at the condo.
If d14 spontaneously says these things to you without any prodding, then she's playing both sides of the fence. Though I have no idea what she hopes to gain by it. Maybe a recon? Kids think unrealistically at times...sad
I said 'why would you do that when Skylar would love to spend time with you?' and her response was "I don't know, mom has been whining about how she is so lonely at the condo and she wants a pet". We already have Skylar (beagle) Captain (African Grey bird) and Mischeif (Green Conure Bird).
I do nothing to stop her from having them at her place. I encourage it actually.
They are in a condo...is it really hard to understand their reluctance/concerns when they have no yard? Maybe they wish you'd leave the house and switch places, since there are 2 of them, and you can have an office anywhere. What was the reason you got to keep the house anyhow? I am not suggesting this frankd, just wondering about their thought process. As a L, I would wonder why the mother and child are in the condo and the single man is in the house. D18 is on her own now so she doesn't actually count.
D14 gos on to say that they saw a golden retriever at the shelter whose owner was killed in a bike accident, that they would have loved to adopt, but it couldn't live in a condo - and would I be willing to let it live here.
See above comments.... I also said to D14 that she should take Skylar over to STBX condo so he can get spoiled, rather than get another dog.
I don't know what is going on here.
You really don't know what is going on here? Are you sure? I'm asking. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You really don't know what is going on here? Are you sure? I'm asking. J-
Isn't that why we are on this board? To help get clarification from the experience of others?
I know what's going on with D14. She is not 'connected' with Skylar. Why STBX said she 'misses Skylar' when she can have him any time and I have encouraged it, well I have no clue what is going on with STBX. I have no huge connection with Skylar, and she hasn't tried hard to spend time with him. I have practically pushed him in her arms the last two times she and D14 had him over night.
1) D18 had the same counselor. I told her about our meeting and SHE said that the counselor was easily intimidated. I was trying my best nOT to be intimidating, instead looking for soultions.
2) STBX and D14 live in a condo because STBX was [censored]*ng another man, get it? SHe IS still doing this. D14 hates this guy, hates living there. Did your H fuc*k another woman? Did he do it in full view of your kids? Were you forced to kick him on on moral principals? If not then I guess you aren't qualified to decide how we must all 'feel'.
3) D14 talks to me in TEARS about this situation she lives in. How she doesn't want to be around her because of her emotional mood swings.
In summary, you are way off base and insulting. STBX is out of the house because it is HER CHOICE. Get it? She could legally use the California courts to kick me out, but she knows if she does that the two girls will disown her.
Why do you think that is? Because I'm some kind off A$$hole? Why do you think the girls would not want to take the house away from me if that were true? If I'm the baddie, as you keep painting me out to be, why not take what's theirs?
Why do they tend to gravitate to me when I'm solid and stable?
I have no idea where all your anger comes from. If you don't have anything supportive to say to me on ways I can help my girls - all three of them - then please keep your opinions to yourself. I am tired of your constant negativity
You really don't know what is going on here? Are you sure? I'm asking. J-
Actually, I believe that she is experiencing the consequences of her choices and missing her old life. Just like I was forced to do in the past few months. I'm growing from it and I hope to god she does too. Then maybe we can all heal from this.
Whoa calm down. You're projecting your anger and it doesn't belong to me. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
