Something happened between June 6 and the end of June that changed. Around June 6, A came forward toward me a little bit more, so I, with excitement and delight, jumped forward toward him.
Are you thinking about sending the letter or is it just for you? For me, actions win over words anytime - especially with guys. Try things out, different ways of communicating. Brainstorm some ideas here.
Don't take things personally. It is probably not down to you that he is not being very forthcoming at the moment. You are not pursuing as far as I can tell from here. It may be unrelated to you, he may be stressed at work, other things may be going on. Who knows?
It was positive that he responded to your texts. From my point of view you could have carried on that conversation as it was 'working'. What made you 'back off'?
When he was in more contact, were you doing anything differently to now?
Hi JCJ: Thanks for your encouragement ... I wish I could think like you do.
As far as the letter goes, I wish I could mail it to him and my fantasy is that it would magically work. (He has always appreciated my notes and letters when we were married, but sometimes they worked and sometimes, I just got a 'thank you'.)
I guess, I'm not sure what my 'actions' should be because I don't want to scare him away. I think he scares me so much because when he left me, I didn't hear from him (in a social manner) for 1-1/2 years. I don't want to go through that again.
As far as texting him, I keep it short and sweet. My goal is to only be light-hearted and fun. And...I had to go to work.
When he was pursuing/calling me, nothing was really different. I'm just as busy, but I am happier now than 6 months ago.
Why can't I just say 'A...I miss you...when can we get married again?' (that would go over reeeeally well...hmmm)
So J ... you are so good to me and so sweet. I have read a lot of books (too many...they get me all anxious sometimes). I recently read a book about flirting. I stink at that. As far as my life is going, I'm making some really solid personal goals. I'm pleased with myself. I have also enjoyed my friends from work.
My goal would to be to get my point across to 'A' that everything is not 'black and white' to me. I have this feeling that 'A' thinks that every move he makes toward me means 'he wants to move back'...but...I'm a big girl...I'd like to show him that I have new friends and a life, and I can enjoy time with him, as well. I just don't know how to do that...
So, it's my day off...tomorrow, too. I got my nails done, I had lunch with my Mom, the sun is out and toasty here in New England, we are going to sit by the pool, and we are going to plan what I am serving at my bbq on Friday...my birthday. Tomorrow, I'm going to finish with a pedicure, go to the garden shop, and go out to dinner with family for my parents anniversary. I wish I could send you pictures.
Are you jogging???? I'm sending you a Huge ((((((HUG)))))) across the lake. Thank you for being wonderful!!!
Hi JCJ: I was just thinking about your last note. I'm not sure about any other ideas to communicate with him.
1.) His status about his selling his condo. 2.) Ask him about photos he might have that I can copy. 3.) Sell my bed that he has in his condo. 4.) Ask him if he wants to stop by to see my new counter in my kitchen ???? 5.) Give him his CDs that I have. 6.) Have a cocktail party and invite him? (that would mirror his actions) That sounds pretty good...maybe next week. 7.) How 'bout give him a knock upside the head & when he comes to, he'll forget about this D stuff (just joking...ahhh, sometimes, I can have a good time all by myself) 8.) I've always wanted to bring him something that I baked or cooked. 9.) Ask him some advice. 10.) Encourage him about his work??? He knows that I'm his best advocate and cheerleader, but that doesn't seem to work. I tell him that I appreciate him and respect him and admire him, but he's not here now. ?????
So, if I am understanding correctly, you are worried that by contacting him it will make him think you want him back thus push him away?
I think it is all about the right kind of contact. I'm obviously no expert but my suggestion would be, why don't you do the things that are on your list that are practical, not pursuing, and show him that you are getting on with your life and be happy, upbeat and fabulous and a woman only a fool would leave to coin 25yearsmlc's term (I love that one!!).
I would suggest
3.) Sell my bed that he has in his condo. 5.) Give him his CDs that I have.
Use these as a starting point, keep it clear that these are your intentions and you have no ulterior motives and that may open up more communication where you can build in things like
8.) I've always wanted to bring him something that I baked or cooked. 9.) Ask him some advice. 10.) Encourage him about his work???
What are your thoughts?
Edit: I would also add in response to this
Quote:
When he was pursuing/calling me, nothing was really different. I'm just as busy, but I am happier now than 6 months ago.
It sounds like it is not anything you have done in that case, don't beat yourself up or take it personally and definitely don't let it throw you off track, you may just have to make some readjustments to your strategy that's all.
So, today getting my pedicure and in a good mood, I thought, what the heck...just encourage him...so I text him a light note:
Sending out lots of good CHI for you for your week's sales. $$$ jojo
No response. When I don't get a response from him, I feel like a Boogie Man. That drives me crazy because then I hate myself for encouraging him. I think that he is thinking ... she wants me ... I know that I don't contact him very much and when I do, it is simple.
But I feel like I am taking several steps back because I have done all that stuff of communicating with him with non-personal stuff. It's frustrating. I thought that we got to a point when he was inviting me to his place for a friendy cocktail party that he was extending his hand for me to extend my hand back in the same way.
As soon as I step in from the outer limits where he has pushed me, I feel that I scare him away. I guess that I am tired of feeling like a terrible Boogie man, when i know that I am not. I don't deserve to feel like this. I know that I can have just as much fun with him and good times with him and laughter than all of his old friends and new friends are having with him. I think that he is 'a fool'.
I know that you know that this is very hard. I am very confused and tired of measuring myself. It's not like stepping on eggshells. It's like I am stepping on sharp glass chards. Thanks... Big Hug Back!
It's my birthday. I was going to have my family over for a bbq tonight, but I postponed it because I know that I could not handle it if I did not hear from A.
Tonight my friends are taking me out. I somehow feel better with my friends.
No word from A ... so I tell myself it is the last day of the month ad the busiest day of the month for car sales. Also, I hven't heard from E. Remember her drama? I suppose this is another way of getting me back. I don't really care about her craziness. I care about what happened between A and Me that distanced him. Remember, last year, he took me out on my birthday and gave me gifts plus a beautiful card. This year, something happened that pushed him away.
Laurie, history tells me not to believe A's words. I used to ask him if everything was ok with him? He used to tell me that everyting was fine. I believed him.. Just to find out, that it wasn't. To me, that was my major problem with him. I never really knew when to trust his word. i usually would find out in another manner that something was wrong.
Usuaully, when I ask him initially, I believe/d him. Laurie, what is my game plan?
Laurie: My roommate, V, and I had a great heart to heart conversation. I feel much better about him, but I believe he is moving out the beginning of September.
Tonight, V, came home from work and asked me if A called me today to wish me a happy birthday. I told him 'no'. V was surprised that he didn't contact me. V said, 'I thought that he told you that he wanted to be your friend, too.'
I told him, 'I thought so, too.'.
V said to me, 'this is not how a friend should act.' I told him that all my friends contacted me today or sent me a card except A.
A knows it's my birthday. The message he is sending is not good. I don't understnd why he has played with my head. This emotional roller coaster ride is infintile. He messes with my head.
How do I think positively when stuff like this happens?
Hi Laurie: So, this morning I went to check my regular messages. Couldn't sleep! I got a very lame email from A:
I want you (have) a wonderful birthday. I want all your dreams to come (through). Much happiness form your friend and ex husband.... Cheers! A
Compared to last year this email seemed more like a message than a birthday sentiment. I don't feel that we are friends and I expressed that to him in a direct yet thoughtful way (like usual).
I told him basically that my 'dreams' are for us to become more as friends than ex's because i don't feel that he trusts me enough to be my friend. And his typos prove how rushed he was to send it out. It almost doesn't sound like his writing. The whole thing makes me feel cheep and more like an ex. I felt like writing that I'm not stupid. I know what we are. Only his ex means freedom and my ex means failure.
I want you have a wonderful 46th birthday....etc. That is what got to me the most. The reason why it upsets me is because he never knew my real age. I was always embarrassed that I was 9 years older than he is because I thought he wouldn't marry me or stay with me being so many years older. So, I kept my birthdate as a private one to myself, but I lied to everyone around me just so they would not be suspicious.
I always told A that I was 5 years older than he was. I guess to me that seemed reasonable. So, when I rec'd that email, it seemed he was telling me something more than wishing me a good sentiment.
I emailed him back asking him where he rec'd that information. he wrote back telling me he got it from public records of registry of motor vehicles. Why now? What or who was his motivation to looking up my personal records?
I am very suspicious because that is what his good and 'great girl' D does for his business. She is the one who transmits all the RMV information to the RMV/MA. why would he go out of his way to look up this information. it was very hurtful!
(that would go over reeeeally well...hmmm)
jojo