I guess I think it was a disaster b/c W is saying that she is through and can't take the limbo any longer. I hate the limbo too, but I am willing to wait and continue to try to rebuild things. She told me that she wants to want to try and has wanted to get it back, but hasn't.
I could not sleep Friday night and I got up about 5am and looked at phone records and saw she had been talking and texting him again. Then I started going crazy and found invoice where OM paid for phone for W while she was on a trip and they talked almost 6 hours in a week.
This is crazy what all of us are having to endure. I know that my actions brought alot of this on, but dang this is just hard to believe this is happening. Sorry to rant!
Feel free to rant. Better to rant here than at your W.
Yes it is crazy, and yes we brought most of it on ourselves. Probably the best thing for you to do is to not look at any phone records. I have to stop doing that to. It doesn't do anything other than drive you further insane. You already know there is an OM. Let it go unless you want to confront him or her or both about the situation. I would recommend you talk to Puppy first before doing so or FaithfulH. FaithfulH is posting on Orich's thread so you can certainly leave him a note on that thread if you want him to help advise you.
Are you part of a gym? I only ask because I am looking at joining one. I find the more I work out, the better mentally I feel.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am not part of a gym, but my apartment complex has a very nice workout area and am going to start using that 3-4 times per week. I agree that working out helps you feel better and I need that desperately.
You are also right about checking the records and I went for over a month without even thinking about it, but then with Friday and Saturdays events, I became weak and looked and then got pissed and looked more. I haven't looked since then and I am going to start over on not looking at things.
We had a very hard MC today. It was very back and forth and lots of crying and sadness. Basically W said that her mind is telling her to stay but her heart/feelings are telling to quit. C said this is a good thing in that her mind is telling her to stay? I don't know, it seems very bad to me overall. After all of that, C said that since we are both willing to try, lets say for the next three months, there are no questions about who's trying or if we are going to try, and get down and dirty. Me pursue her, her pursue me, do the things we are asked to do in counseling, ect. W agreed to this, albeit reluctantly, but she did agree. C said that at the end of three months if there is no progress or backwards, then we might want to look at stopping this, but she believes if we both do this, we will see improvement? I don't know, maybe. I am going to continue to work on me and marriage and I hope that W will do so also. After the session was over, W didn't want to talk to me in the parking lot and has been very short with me when we talked for a minute later in the day.
Not sure what all of this means, but it doesn't change anything for me as far as me trying to better myself. If anyone would like to jump in here with opinions, advice, ect. I would greatly appreciate it!
I think that is your W is willing to give it a go for the 3 months, that is good. Just leave her alone for now until the coldness dies down some and do what the C suggests. Also, yes. Keep working on bettering yourself. That will only make you more attractive to her in the long run.
It appears to me that there is an internal struggle going on with your W. That is good. That means there is still hope. Pray that the good takes over within her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I think the bad won. She opted not to go to our first MC session after the 3 month commitment. I went and C is not as hopeful now as she once was, but she told me not to give up. W is supposedly going by herself on Thu, but who knows? My friend who is also going through this told me today that he looked at his W's phone and my W texted her that "we mutually decided it was over????!!" I guess it may be. Nothing is getting through to her, she is falling further and further away from me. I can't believe that the love is this far gone. I went and read some old cards she wrote me and it is crazy to think so much has changed.
These are current circumstances. My W was telling someone on the phone that we are divorced and have been for a while. D11 over heard her saying it to someone and told me. I was like what?? There is not even a D pending since it was dismissed.
Who knows what goes on in their minds. But we have to be patient and give it time and work on us in the mean time. They won't stay like this forever. It is a temporary thing, but who knows for how long. Just gotta keep the faith. Be a stander. Stand in the gap for your prodigal spouse and your family.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Have you even started trying to detach? I get the feeling that you're giving off a really needy vibe. She knows you want the M and likewise you have to understand that she doesn't.
So detach and get your feelings out if it as best you can. Only by detaching can you give her the space she needs.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have started trying to detach, but obviously haven't done a good job of it yet. I am sure that I am giving off the needy vibe. I will continue to work on it, but I am just having the hardest time with it. I can't get her off my mind, can't get my kids off my mind, its just very hard.
Another update: On Wed I told her that I didn't want D to play on the bball team that OM coaches anymore. MC has been saying this needed to happen and in the last session W agreed to it but said that it would not change our sitch. I agree, but it would definitely end the communication between them in the name of bball instead of what I really believe it to be. After we agreed that this needed to happen, she texted me its over and she was telling MC the next day (thu) as she went to her for IC. I later found out that day that she had told this to two of our mutual friends as well, so I am thinking it is really done. After her IC yesterday, I email C and ask if it was as bad as I thought and her response was "no, W scheduled another MC session next week, hang in there" WTH, I am glad that she scheduled this, but don't understand?
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
