Well I spent a fabulous night looking at divorce lawyers online. Not exactly what would have preferred to do. Seeing as my W has already talked to a lawyer and plans to file in the next month figured that it would be best to start looking. On the bright side she is going to wait a couple of weeks and then she actually has to go through with it.
I am just amazed at where we have come in the past three months. Going from planning on having kids and moving to a new state to looking for divorce lawyers.
I have spoken to my W one time since she moved out nearly three weeks ago. Just praying for a change of heart for her and continuing with NC.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
How long does one try NC to see if it is actually working or not? Do I stick with it? She spoke with a lawyer less than two weeks after moving out but did not file. She says that she will file in the coming weeks. Do initiate some contact before she files? Just to lighten the mood. Do I keep with NC and see if she actually does file? In the nearly 3 weeks that she has been gone we have had one conversation and one TM back and forth.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Again there are two schools of thought here: No contact....absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or Contact because you don't want to be out of sight, out of mind.
You've been very good about NC. How do you think it's going? I think the idea behind no contact works if they start to contact you. It seems to me she's been very content NOT hearing from you or she's trying to hold out longer than you. Which do you think it is?
I think that she is trying to hold out longer than I am. She is extremely stubborn. I am going to wait it out a while longer and see what happens to see if she will contact me. It has been 6 days since we have spoken. All be it not the greatest conversation ever. But from that conversation I could tell she is still hostile. Staying in NC land for now.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Well just journaling. Nothing new to report here. Have not talked to my wife for one week now and was the only time that we have spoken since she moved out three weeks ago. I will be leaving town on Friday and will be gone for ten days at my brothers wedding. It will be a tough time with everyone asking where W is. I was also thinking back to the week before she started to act distant. We had talked about starting to get pregnant after the wedding which would have been in a week in a half. Also she was complaining that we worked so far apart and that she only had a 1/2 hour lunch so we could not meet during the day to do lunch. She was also upset because when I call her at work she was only able to talk to me for a couple of minutes all the time because she was so busy and she felt bad about that. Just wondering how one can go from all that to wanting a D in a week or so. This stuff is so confusing.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
she may have been saying that stuff and trying to make plans in hopes to talk herself back into the marriage. she may have been feeling this way for a long time...but trying hard to mask it with hopes it would go away.
Yeah that may be the case. Not being able to read her mind I thought things were going well even in her actions and with what she was saying. I am sure that she is still confused as to what to do.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
journaling. Maybe my W is right. We may not have had the problems that a lot of couples do are only real issue is that she says that I am jealous which is enough. I am sure that some of the things that came across as jealousy to her. Maybe issues with her family just increased her sensitivity to this. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. I more than likely royally screwed up and for the last time. I can make excuses to myself all day about I only really "asked who she was texting when we were together" or "would ask why are you always texting or talking to a certain guy". Maybe we just have a different view on M in dealing with relationships outside of the M.
I don't believe that her trying to test me over the past two years to see if I would be jealous of her was right. She actually said this while giving the bomb. She was testing me to see because she was waiting to see if we should have kids. And I did pass however before she got pregnant she changed her opinion of me being jealous. I failed the last time because I asked what she was talking about with some guy on the phone. In actuality the only reason that I asked what they were talking about was because it was her b-day and he knew what I was getting her for her b-day and was wondering if he told her. Of course she said nothing about me being jealous at the time and held it in for two months until the bomb. At which time no explaining could get me out of it.
Pretty much just rambling on to myself and having a pity party. As it was another wonderful night. Have not spoken to W in 8 days now. I am still at work trying to get stuff done before I leave next week to go home and face the family without my W at my brothers wedding and have to answer the same question over and over again where is W. Also tonight I work in a bank and the cleaning lady left and turned on the motion sensors. So when I got up to walk around I set them off. So I had to explain to the police department what I was doing here as they searched the building.
I could have been out of here a long time ago but spent a lot of time searching on the internet about D and what maybe in store for me. I really don't want a D but more than likely in a couple of weeks W will file and that will be the beginning to the end of something that should have been so much more. And could still be so much more. Do I blame my W for what is going on now? Somedays I do somedays I blame myself. Today I am blaming myself. Somedays I blame her for not wanting to see a C or not talking to me before it got to the point of leaving. I blame myself for being this wuss of a man that can't stand up to his W and is afraid to speak my mind for fear of her walking out. I blame myself for being insecure about myself. I blame myself acting like this and seeing why in the world would my W even want to be with a man like this when I was so much more before.
I don't believe in D and do not want it. But I can see that my W felt that she was trapped in a M that she did not want to be in & only saw one way out. Maybe it is the lack of contact with my W or the fact that she is planning to file but I do feel that I have already lost. I will keep up the NC with and will continue to work on myself and pray to God that she will reconsider. Other than that there really isn't anything that I can do at this point. I also need to leave the BB for a while as I spend way too much time on here and there are way to many depressing stories.
I miss my W a lot tonight and wish that I could go home and she would be there.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Have you made it clear to W that you will not go along with the D? I don't mean start a war but make it clear to her that you do not feel as if all has been done to reconcile including therapy and on those grounds you are going to protest.....so with that, maybe now is not the best time to waste time and money on lawyers and such until you've really made an attempt to reconcile.
