Like the text idea. I have also been very aware of saying thanks any time H does something positive either for the kids or for me. That part seems to be working cos he does do more for me and for the kids. It's a day by day thing!
Today H changed his plans to take S to an appointment to save me having to cancel my appointment. Just a short time ago he would have said ,"I have plans and I can't change them. " Before that it would have been "What do you want me to do about it?"
We have to really focus on the positives, no matter how small, I guess.
Just catching up. SOunds good, the fact that he is calling you to talk through work issues etc is a definate baby step.
It is weird when they start being more co-operative. I guess it is like when we make changes and the WAS takes time to believe they are real, I guess that is where the no expectations thing comes in.
It's good to hear from you! I have been checking your thread as I have been curious to see how your moving day went.
Yeah, I'm feeling ok about the progress at the moment. Tonight we emailed a few times about our son and it was again light and I had a 'dig' at him in a fun way and he responded in the same manner.
it was again light and I had a 'dig' at him in a fun way and he responded in the same manner.
Hello there. What an interesting journey you're on! So far, sounds so good though.
Humor -- a good sign. Of what, I'm never sure
But I have to believe as long as there's a spark of humor between two people things are not completely over. It speaks to some kind of appreciation of the Other and has a way of ratcheting down the latent tensions. Nicely handled.
I'm feeling quietly happy. H and I went together to a pre-dinner event for our son's formal. On the way H complained of feeling tired and said he needed an early night so would be leaving as soon as the function was over.
It was hot and stuffy in there and we hadn't eaten so we both agreed we needed a drink and a snack. The bar area was packed so we headed up to another area and H stopped outside the restaurant and checked the menu. I just stood while he contemplated and then he asked if I would like to eat there.
We had dinner and then dessert and coffee. I probably talked too much but H was also relaxed and happy and he contributed to the conversation and again there was some humour and light hearted chat. He seemed to enjoy himself and I figured he must have been relaxed to order the dessert and coffee when he was so tired and it was getting late. At dinner he showed me some photos, suggested he would loan me a newly purchased DVD and shared some info about work and his study. It was all very pleasant.
After I came home I sent a text to say, "Thanks for ur company. I enjoyed the night." He replied, "Me 2. Thanks."
Thanks for your thoughts! Yes, my journey has been a long but interesting journey! Tonight, I remembered it was my son's first year at high school when I got sick and here he is in his final year and life is so different. I miss my H but life is good in so many other ways and I have truly grown. It's been a tough way to learn but the lessons have been rich. With H I finally feel I am making progress!
I agree with what you say about humour. It certainly eases the tension and lately we have shared some funny expressions and jokes from long ago which have made us both laugh. It feels good.
This coming weekend H is taking D to the concert on Sat and on Sun we have our family celebration for D's birthday. We're going to a restaurant.
After our dinner together the other night I must continue to be happy and light hearted with no expectations. I think this week will be crucial as it is after any time that we seem drawn closer that he usually backs off big time. I will have to be very careful not to get myself into any arguments/conflicts because he may be looking for ways to back off.
We've had some email contact over family stuff and he still appears to be most obliging. He knew I had some medical appointments but he hasn't asked how I got on. I think he knows that if there were any major issues he would be informed and this saves him showing his care by asking.
JMO - but sometimes they find it hard to ask because they find it hard to deal with the emotions of hearing an answer, they are scared of what the answer may be even though they know that 99% of the time it is fine. It is a WAS thing.
I think you are doing so well, DBing at every opportunity! Remember to be consistant.
