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#1829472 - 08/31/09 05:06 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
In all serious, I have noticed that when I see the books about being psychic or read emails like the one about the astrology, a wave of fear comes over me. I get it in check but really, this is classic narcissist stuff...thinking he has supernatural powers and is of ultra-significance to this planet.

I'm hoping it is just grasping at straws and gravity will bring him down to reality. But, it scares me. And his influencing the kids scares me because I think that mentality is so dangerous.

But, I am trying not to fall into the fear and just keep focusing on myself and having my sh*t together.
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#1829477 - 08/31/09 05:10 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Today at H's, I saw a book about how to hone one's PSYCHIC abilities...he is convinced he is psychic (I know because he has told me many times) and has been watching magic DVDs and practicing tricks...I'm not getting a "stable" vibe from him. eek


NO WAY!!!!! I'm psychic too!

OK, not!

But I did just buy a learn to play classical guitar DVD...everybody has their own approach to GAL.

You're a good person and good mom. It's strong people on this forum like you who give me strength to keep going. I hope I can give something back at some point myself.
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1829483 - 08/31/09 05:14 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: RedSoxFan]
Dia Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 1259
I had one of those about H. frown Felt like getting run over by a semi when I realized it wasn't real. Didn't tell H, tho. Sigh.
_________________________
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137

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#1829487 - 08/31/09 05:15 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Very funny.

Guitar is a great GAL.

Honing your psychic abilities? Ok, who am I to judge? confused

Quote:
You're a good person and good mom. It's strong people on this forum like you who give me strength to keep going. I hope I can give something back at some point myself.


Nice! Thanks. You are giving something back already, I've gotten a lot out of your posts.
_________________________


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#1829488 - 08/31/09 05:15 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
But, I am trying not to fall into the fear and just keep focusing on myself and having my sh*t together.


Stay grounded, steady and focused over the long-term and kids will be fine smile
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1829490 - 08/31/09 05:17 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: Dia]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: Dia
I had one of those about H. frown Felt like getting run over by a semi when I realized it wasn't real. Didn't tell H, tho. Sigh.


The dream? My H didn't tell me what his was about. Just that is was "the weirdest f*cking dream ever"...

I too have had the good dreams where I woke up and it obviously wasn't real... frown
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#1829499 - 08/31/09 05:25 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Oh, and BTW, my topic is a wish for "dreams of a new normal"...if I could see it, I could move toward it.


Just reading this small part, it's something that's close to home for me.

Do you need to see to believe or can you believe without seeing it?
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

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#1829503 - 08/31/09 05:30 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Thanks for the laugh Sara.

Well, if I tell him he can't work on his computer, I can't very well complain about him not giving me money.

But, I see that until all of our things are physically separated, there will be excuses.

In the narcissist paradigm, H is wounded because of my disapproval and seeks it desperately.

My part, I'm so wounded by my own childhood, I can't seem to close the door on a possible R...and saving the marriage. But, I realize that I need space and boundaries so desperately.

I am super pissed off right now. And he succeeds at making me question, Gee, what's my problem? Kids freaking out, no money, no job, and H constantly reaffirming that it was my fault...why am I not a shiny happy person around him?

Anyway, this is getting old.


Arguing with someone, anyone is a sign of disrespect.
Something in you doesn't respect him and he argues with you because he doesn't respect you.

How do we fix this?

Who stops fighting first?

Question: if you could have your relationship with your husband and have a great marriage as opposed to it's current state, what would it look like? What would he be like if you could have him be a specific way? What good things would he do when it comes to you? What needs would he be fulfilling that aren't taken care of now? What would he want from you that he currently thinks you don't provide?

I know I'm coming in a little late on this thread so forgive me for asking some questions you've probably answered a million times already. Where are you guys at currently? How long has it been like this? Do you still love him? (remember love is a choice you make, attraction may be involuntary but love is a definite choice)
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

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#1829505 - 08/31/09 05:33 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Well, I was very pleasant with H tonight (anyone see the movie Sybil crazy) but when he suggested leaving his laundry...uh, no. And then he lingered around sifting through things to take, I told him now wasn't the best time for this and then as he persisted, I said "Ok, I think it is time for you to go now" and I went and opened the front door and led him out." All very civil but the feeling of having him casually plucking items just unnerved me so.

I did good.

He called me after to thank me for letting him work here. I thanked him for working. And that was that.

He called again but didn't answer, haven't checked the messages yet.

Tomorrows topic- Is WASness a form of temporary insanity? TBD.


So in your current situation, your H is the WAS?
Did he have an affair? What was his reason for leaving?

Sometimes we have to recognize the signs of a WAS that wants to come back but doesn't know how or feels really bad about what they've done and feels it's impossible to apologize to atone for what they've done. Why do you think he wanted to linger? To spend more time around you or just to snoop around your stuff?
_________________________
"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

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#1829507 - 08/31/09 05:35 PM Re: I'm hurting...but okay...help... [Re: aliveandkicking]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I'm hoping it is just grasping at straws and gravity will bring him down to reality. But, it scares me. And his influencing the kids scares me because I think that mentality is so dangerous.



While we are talking on this. What actually scares me about my W is that to an outsider, she seems perfectly normal and absolutely in control. Robx is right that she knows what she is doing. Right now she seems to be in the mode of get seperated and do it as quickly as possible. Nothing is going to stop her.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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