Soon to be separated

[GoBison]

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Well I guess that it is time to move over to separated. My wife is moving out tomorrow and I am even helping her in the move.

Brief summary: We will be married 6 years this Sunday. About two months ago my wife started to check out of our marriage. Everything had been going great up until that point. We had even decided to find jobs in a different state closer to our families so that we could have children. Then all of a sudden she started to become distant. She would rarely talk to me and when she did it was like she was doing me a favor by talking to me. I tried to see what was wrong and she would not tell me what was wrong. Finally she said that I am being jealous of her and that I am controlling. This was not really the case as I probably said 4 things to her in the last 5 months about some guy that she would talk to or text frequently or be on his FB. I know that nothing has happened between them and that there was nothing. And when I did say something to her it was pretty much why are you always talking to him and that was it.

So she was in a pissy mood for about a month. At first I thought ok so maybe she it is just her hormones as she came off the pill. But then I came back from a trip on 6/9/09 and the first thing she says to me is that she wants a D. I try to talk to her and all she will talk about is how to split things up. This went on for about three days when I could not take her talking about this and I left for a week to my sisters. After I moved back in she moved to the spare bedroom and has been there since that time. I try to DB acting as if and being generally happy. She continues to be extremely pissed off at me not talking pretty much at all and the few times that she is at home instead of out at all hours of the night she is in her bedroom with her computer and the door shut.

A week and a half ago she came to me and said that she was getting an apartment and would be moving out. I told her that I did not want her to and wished that we could go to C or something to work on our M. She wanted no of that and said that she was just too miserable here. I told her that she is the only one making herself miserable and that if she would just look around no one else is making her miserable. I told her that she has been coming home at all hours of the night and that I had not said a word to her and she was pretty much doing whatever she wanted. The next day she had a place and would be moving in soon.

She told me that she had gotten a short term 6 month lease which I found out that she had to pay extra for. Last week I tried to talk to her about not moving out but she just said that she was miserable and wanted out. So yesterday she began to pack things up. I asked her what all she was taking and all she would say is half of this and half of that. I just said ok I was just wondering. This morning I went to talk to her about paying the mortgage on the house and if she planned to pay a portion of it or what was going to happen. She said that she would and that she had told me we should just sell it. I asked her if this was it and if she was planning on coming back. She said that she thought that this was it. I asked if she had a L and if she planned to file anytime soon. She said that she did not have one but had thought about getting one but would not for a while. I asked her if I am just suppose to move on with my life and if that is what she wanted right now and she said no.

I know that she is really confused right now and really doesn't know what to do. I still believe that we can work this out and that she is still a good W even though the past two months have been hell. I just can't see throughing away 10 years together like this. After she is out I plan to go dark. As far as a L i have not talked to one yet but maybe in a couple of weeks I should probably do so just in case it does not work out. Right now I have to try and keep a positive attitude as I do one of the hardest things in my life and move my wife out of the house.

[jon2911]

Hey man,
Get Divorce Remedy and read it! The articles on here are very helpful as well. I know it's hard, but stay cheerful and upbeat, and let her miss you and contact you once she moves out.

For now, set some goals and work on yourself like crazy. There's a long, long road to divorce, and she's not pushing for that anyway. You'll have to remind her the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Keep posting!

[GoBison]

Yeah I have read it and have been working on it. It is just a hard week knowing that she is moving out tomorrow. I am sure that she is having an EA with a guy at work. To her he is just friends and she does not see anything wrong with it. I have never once mentioned this guy to her and I know that they have been talking for at least 2 months. I really don't know how long I want to hang onto someone that just simply throws marriage away and treats their S like this. Everytime she feels that she is a little unhappy instead of working on the M or talking to me she goes and finds another guy to hang around with that she thinks can make her happy. As far as I know their has been nothing physical but it tears me apart that she cares so little about something like a M.

[GoBison]

I am not going to say anything about the other guy. Instead I plan to work on myself and to give her space. The move will be tough for me but I will have to be tough as I need to show her that I can handle it. Thanks for checking in jon.

[GoBison]

Alright so today is really a hard day. Last night W was packing stuff up and taking it to her new apartment. It was probably the happiest that I have seen her in 2 mos. And she actually talked to me a little at least. Just asked how the place was. Tonight I will be helping her move her bed and a couple of couches over there as well. It's really tough knowing that last night may have been the last night that we spent together under the same roof. Right now I have to accept the fact that God is in control. Tonight I have to work really hard not to break down as I help her move. I don't even know what we will have left in the house once she is gone. Really doesn't matter what she takes it is only stuff and the house is going to feel really empty tonight either way.

[GoBison]

Alright well now is the time to go home see what the W has left in our home and to help her move the furniture out. It should be an interesting night. I am trying to keep PMA at to be as friendly around her as possible. I know that this will be our last communication in probably a couple of weeks as I plan to go dark after she is out and to give her space. I sure hope that by doing this it helps are situation and she is back to actually talking to me.

[GoBison]

Well helped the wife move in to her place. Pretty quite in when we were riding together in the uhual. Not that I was mean to her or anything but didn't make too much of an effort to start up conversation. No R talk. When we carried last piece into her place I turned around and said ok I will take the uhaul back and walked out the door. All she said was bye as I closed the door. Maybe that will be the last time that we are actually together. I doubt it as I really don't think that she wants a D and if I DB properly and give her space then she will be back. If is no OM. But who knows stranger things have happened. Also I am actually a pretty good husband and a lot of this has to do with problems that her parents are having and not us. Just may take some time for her to realize all of that. Either way I have a few weeks or more than likely a few months to do whatever I want without the W telling me what I should be doing.

[1853dave]

Hey Db, that sounds like a tough day. Sorry to hear it. My wife and I are going through a thing too... We're getting along ok, but I am into my 8th month of separation. I hope your sep is productive for both of you. We have a D-day set in October...I don't know her position as she's taken no steps towards speeding things up (she filed back in November) - but not knowing is hard to live with too...
Take care of yourself, and hang in there. I don't know where my sitch will end up, but I have definitely seen some improvements thanks to DBing...

[GoBison]

Dave thanks for checking in and sorry to hear that you are here. It was a rough day but it is over and time for some colds ones. I had to laugh when I took the Uhaul back. I took it back filled it up and everything dropped the keys in the drop box and lo and behold I left my vehicle keys in the uhaul. Well I had the option of trying to get into the uhaul, sleeping in the box (bad neighborhood by the way) or my last option calling W to get me a set of keys. Well after about 20 minutes of McGyver stuff I was able to get into the thing. It was jsut too much I just had to laugh at myself over that one.

[GoBison]

Today seems worse than yesterday actually. I knew the move was coming and I really tried hard to not talk about R and just be friendly. I am sure that I seemed a little distant. But today is worse. Seeing the house without her in it and knowing that she may never come back is really tough. Did not sleep too much last night and it really hit me hard. She even went through the house and took all the pictures that I was not in. Even the ones with her family that I was in she left. I thought about taking them all down and packing them up as she is stopping by today when I am at work. But thought better. I am starting to feel anger creeping up asking why in the world would she do something like this when I was there for her more than anyone in her life.