M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
Well, I've tried to listen to you guys. I'm not too interested in being flat broke though. I need to hear what my lawyer has to say about all this.
She has no case for abuse. she'll rail about me looking through her stuff and intercepting her emails, but beyond that there is nothing she can say. i think in her own mind that she really thinks I'm vindictive for exposing the EA. she views that as something vile. Funnily enough, a couple of years ago she put her hand through a closet door (hollow of course) when she lost her temper with my older son.
If she says you were abusive for invading her privacy and finding out about the affair, you tell her that you don't think it was invading her privacy, you call it "exposing the truth" - if she makes noise about that statement, you ask her if the affair is real or imaginary? Has she been spending time with a married man, yes or no? Has she been recklessly spending money to improve her appearance & attractiveness to other men yes or no? Has she been deceitful as to where she goes and who she spends her time with yes or no? Did someone see her kissing the OM yes or no?
She did all these things and then chooses to lie about them or make them out to be smaller than they really are.
She lies to you because she is controlling. How can lying be controlling you might ask? Simple... when someone lies to you it's because they don't want you to hear the truth because when they lie about something they want to CONTROL your reaction. If she tells the truth she can't control your reaction to it, if she lies to you she can control your reaction.
She is controlling, stop allowing this.
Speak to your lawyer but get out of the mindset that she's going to take you to the cleaners - start assuming the opposite: that the law will take care of you and treat you honestly & fairly. If you go in with a defeatist attitude, you will get exactly that. If you go in with the attitude that you will not allow her to hurt or take advantage of you anymore, you will get that.
Sounds like she's been running the show for quite some time before all of these problems happened. She is used to it, you are the doormat she wipes her shoes on. Not a flattering description is it. I think some women challenge their men because they want their men to stand up to them, they want a masculine man who isn't afraid to stand up for himself or his beliefs.
She isn't attracted to a mouse, she's attracted to a man. This is all about attraction, start thinking about this and change your behaviors so that you're more masculine and more attractive.
Stop letting her control you. One thing I know for sure and puppy will agree with as well, you can't let a woman control you, they lose all respect for you when they can control you and they also wind up hating you and treating you quite poorly because you've allowed this to happen.
Start calling the shots and be confident about it. You can do it, we have faith in you, start being the man you need to be for yourself first & foremost.
Shouldn't you be asking your lawyer to make these moves with her? I thought the rule of thumb was no legal talk - that's what you pay the lawyer for. So if she brings up what her hired gun is going to do to you, just say "OK". I wouldn't fight that battle at home. Keep your lawyer informed about how much of her hand she is showing so he has that info to use, but other than that, don't get into that arena with HER. Let your attorney do that job.
Your job at this time is to get yourself together. You'll be working on those areas of your life that you have neglected since you became her H, learning how to be an effective communicator with HER and everyone else in your world, taking care of CABBR and growing.
Just a little intel for ya - when I brought up legal stuff with my H, I did it b/c I was scared and I was looking for a glimpse of what he might be aiming at me. She doesn't bring this stuff up with you b/c she thinks she has it all buttoned down - just the opposite.
Be tough. Get smart.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Shouldn't you be asking your lawyer to make these moves with her? I thought the rule of thumb was no legal talk - that's what you pay the lawyer for. So if she brings up what her hired gun is going to do to you, just say "OK". I wouldn't fight that battle at home. Keep your lawyer informed about how much of her hand she is showing so he has that info to use, but other than that, don't get into that arena with HER. Let your attorney do that job.
Your job at this time is to get yourself together. You'll be working on those areas of your life that you have neglected since you became her H, learning how to be an effective communicator with HER and everyone else in your world, taking care of CABBR and growing.
Just a little intel for ya - when I brought up legal stuff with my H, I did it b/c I was scared and I was looking for a glimpse of what he might be aiming at me. She doesn't bring this stuff up with you b/c she thinks she has it all buttoned down - just the opposite.
This woman is lying about everything right now. She wouldn't even admit how she found her current lawyer.
She actually asked me this morning whether I would cosign a home equity loan on the condo to try to reduce debt on legal expenses. She is assuming that I would entirely liable for her legal expenses. I said are you kidding? Make me liable for your debts before a court has anything to say about it?
She also demanded that I provide a whole bunch of financial information that she needs "by tomorrow afternoon." my lawyer told me that I have share finanical information but I'm not going to jump through hoops to get it.
You're right in that she's been doing whatever she wants. I certainly am not shy about speaking my mind. I think over the last couple of years she has just been baiting me to see how far she can push before I really bite. That's warped a perspective you get after a while.
Cabbr
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
OK, so the latest is that my W wanted me to cosign a home equity loan and now she's asking me to pay her entire amex bill from June, which includes a junket with her sister and her new phone/calling plan which cost nearly 6 times the one I bought for her. Her request seems really presumptious.
I think she may go on an outing tomorrow with the kids and I - not sure, but that would be kind of an about face. She ate dinner with the family tonight, and was in super clean up mode for the last couple of days - totally out of character for recent history.
Still hell bent on getting the financial information together for her attorney. Definitely all about divorce.
My older son asked tonight why Mommy doesn't like to do things with us. I said I know, I'm sorry - you'll have to ask her.
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
I think she's been instructed to show some effort in keeping the housein order - something she did not spend much time on in recent years.
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
OK, so the latest is that my W wanted me to cosign a home equity loan and now she's asking me to pay her entire amex bill from June, which includes a junket with her sister and her new phone/calling plan which cost nearly 6 times the one I bought for her. Her request seems really presumptious.
No, I would say her request is really ENTITLED. Trust me, and I speak from experience, if your marriage is to ever make it, you will have a much harder time killing the Entitlement beast than you will the Infidelity one.
