Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

How is it that you wrote up the parenting plan, she had court ordered parenting classes, etc and she got the majority of the custody? That doesn't make a lick of sense!

My sons were traumatized by the thought of having to chose between their parents through mediation and the judge. S11 was constantly "ill" in nurses office with 'stomach pains'. Thus I simply could not put them through that.

Then there is the issue of 'credible witnesses' to attest who the better parent is. Having my former BIL living in the house and a renter to make up for the lost income of XW that she had setup thinking she was going to stay in the house turned out to be nothing but a setup. They became "employees" on her fahter's payroll to create stories of me having lavish parties and went so far as to create a picture of "my" refridgerator full of nothing but alcohol to back a story that "there was never any food in the house". As I've said before, this is complete horse snot as I FEED EVERYONE.

So, it was a painful decision, but one that can be reversed later. In Illinois, like many states, adultry doesn't mean squat in a child custody hearing. "Alcoholism" on the other hand is HUGE. I will not lie, on my own free time after the kids were in bed or away with their mother did I drink? Yes. Excessively at times? Yes, I was going through hell. To the level and degree of the alligations against me? Absolutley not.

So, after some harsh legal threats against OM and XW for their conduct while the kids were in their care, XW straightened up and the problems that concerned me most went away. The schools in that town are some of the highest rated in the state, especially where a special needs child such as S12 is concerned and he has progressed wonderfuly there. So, my attoney wrote up the agreements and hers accepted. And yes, I have a lot of wiggle room to my favor should things start to head south, her attorney just wanted out of the case and really didn't pay much attention to the details.

So should things change, either I move back in the area as I plan to, the boys opt that they don't to live with her anymore, or any one for any reason sees or feels she unfit to raise them, bam, we are right back in court and there will be NO mediation, and NO custody hearing and I walk out that day forever having sole custody.

So, essentially I surrendered in malice.

We both had to attend the class, it is standard practice in any divorce/custody hearing, at least in this county.

[mishka422]

Ahhh...that explains it. I was trying to figure out how someone as totally screwed up as she seems to be could gain primary custody. It makes sense.

Someone who would fabricate such a load of horsechitt amazes me! I've never been able to understand how someone can do that to someone they claimed to love at one point. Of course, it is a very thin line between love and hate. Both take passion. Indifference is another story....

[smith18]

I've seen a couple divorced situations, where when the boys became teenagers, the custodial mother and teenage son's had turmoil between them and the father became the primary custodial parent.

My brother and I lived with our father when he got divorced because of my mothers affair. We were about 17 and 15 at the time and I could not have imagined a better environment for us.

[mishka422]

I hope to God my son doesn't suddenly decide to jump ship. I hope I'm not giving him any reason to. He's 14 and that's the legal age in GA to decide on his own where he wants to live. I guess I can be grateful that the couple of times I've offered to let him stay longer with his dad he always opts to come home instead. Yeah me!

dday....chin up buddy. Have you made some fantastic plans for you all for the 4th?

[dday101798]

I've seen a couple divorced situations, where when the boys became teenagers, the custodial mother and teenage son's had turmoil between them and the father became the primary custodial parent.

That's the method behind the madness. If I would of fought it, then not only would my kids have to be in court when they didn't want, they'd also have to stand there and listten to their mother paint me the bad guy and a "raging alkie" as she so tried to proclaim to mask the fact of her 'fiance' sitting right there in the f'n courtroom.

So, in it's own way, it is a tmporary truce as I know this is far from over.

[dday101798]

I hope to God my son doesn't suddenly decide to jump ship. I hope I'm not giving him any reason to. He's 14 and that's the legal age in GA to decide on his own where he wants to live. I guess I can be grateful that the couple of times I've offered to let him stay longer with his dad he always opts to come home instead. Yeah me!

dday....chin up buddy. Have you made some fantastic plans for you all for the 4th?

Mish, if you have your head on your shoulders as you seem to and provide a enviornment that althought his father is not there physically but is there emotionally and psychologically in every sense, then you have nothing to worry about.

My XW on the other hand, heh, I KNOW those boys will be back. I do nothing to egg nor promote their feelings on the matter. But it's been what 3 and half months like this now, and now 1 month I don't even see them for diner on the weekdays anymore and one is already asking me to come get him out of there.

[dday101798]

You know I thought about this on the way home last night and just wanted to itterate that I don't have all the loopholes in place with the assuption that she'll be a poor mother. I gave her custody for now as it was better for the boys in quite a few ways and with the benefit of the doubt that she'd do the right thing for the sake of their well-being. So far it's 6 of one, 1/2 dozen of the other in that regard, so we shall see.

Other than that, really, really dizzy this morning. No question it's stress. Got 2 calls from the attorney's office now threatening to sue me for a payment arrangement I just can't afford right now. They have my financial disclosure statement and they know I am now down 45% of my income between child support and tax increases.

Whatever, I've come to conclusion that if a 2nd job does not happen within the next week I'm just going to go back and try the Navy again. Last time I tried I got rejected as we had just found that we were pregnant with S11 and the cost to have them on base would consume the bulk of my salary. So, now that I don't have that problem and life is going to be a financial hell for the next 7 years anyway, and have barely anything in possesions to store, it kind of makes sense. We'll see.

Anyway, on my way home last night, saw XW mowing the lawn, huh everytime I mention yard work at my place, S11 is eager to get his hands on the mower, why wasn't he doing it there? Wanted to ask, but didin't bother. When I was almost home, I got a voice mail from S12 doing XW's dirty work again, hesitatnly asking what time I was coming to get him tonight.

Given the anniversay of events discribed yesterday, I was not in a very talkative mood and jsut texted asking XW if it was ok that I pick them up at 6 tonight. Xw replied that it fine, but then asked if I could "drop them off at dad's at 6 on Sunday so that 'we' (her & OM) can take to fireworks on Sunday". All I replied was 'fine'.

ugh, I just want a vacation from life right now.

[dday101798]

Well...........

Got a text a lttle bit ago from XW that she is leaving work and will ahve the boys ready to be picked up any time after 3:30.

I've got to do some running around so I let her know that I'll probably still be around 6 due to this. Out of my curiosity I asked if she'd like a set of pictures from when I took the boys to the pier and she said "that would be cool". So that solves that inner question.

She seems to be really trying to take a friendlier approach at things that I'm not quite understanding. But then again, after everything that has been done, I guess I'm just looking for the underlying motive to her change in behavior.

[dday101798]

oh, and I told 'GF' of my thoughts on the Navy.

Haven't heard back from her all day since. Last thing was "friend of hers" that I'm supposidly related to in some way, wanted to e-mail me to "get in touch". Eh heh, I suspect a thrid party lashing was more the agenda of which I will not be receptive to. 'GF' knows I just got divorced and am fine one day and a wreck the next, she's been told this numorous times and I even forewarned her that the next couple of weeks will be touch and go.

Eh well. Obviously her divorce must have effected her entirely differently as she just doesn't understand. So hey, fun while it lasted, but I made every effort to tell and show her that I am a hurt person, I have trust issues and will be a while before that ever changes. And, due to everything else, I've lost jsut about everything and have no idea which way my life is going right now.

I'm not going to lose any sleep over that situation, it either works or doesn't. Can't accept the fact that I just back from a 11 month "holiday in hell", too bad, I'll stop the car and you can walk.

[smith18]

XW being friendly is definitely good!

Instead of the Navy, have you considered the Coast Guard? They dont put you on a ship or sub that is gone for up to 6 months (unless it is an ice breaker). They have the same ranks and have a lot of the same ratings as the Navy. Coast Guard - Small Service, Big Job.

One thing you probably should avoid is becoming a Navy Seal. I just watched a documentary about their training and it would literally kill me now at the near age of 50.