Dear poet, It was nice of your H to fix the doggie bowl. Sending him a Thank You card would be fine, I think. Just keep it light and write him appropriate words of affirmation.
My H still has some stuff here with me. Sometimes I wonder if it's to mark his territory.
It's great that you're taking care of you and keeping busy taking care of the yard, etc.
I hope you find some people to connect with - perhaps church or a support group. I have met quite a few nice supportive people from my church especially after joining some small groups there.
Jojo, Praying a lot and trusting God is healthy. Yes, if you were close, it'd be nice to go to Church together. Have considered joining a small group at Church, especially one that provides support for people going through healing or grief?
Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could communicate more effectively. I guess it is an unconscious belief that people know what's going on with me even tho I'm not communicating it. Sorry. Yes, I have been going to church for a year now. I started back right after the separation. In fact, I am enrolled in a workshop class next weekend to become a Lector for my church. I went to see my priest, Father Tony, last week. And, we talked about my faith, my h and his vocation. He is a very inspiring man. He told me that people can hurt my "skin" but not my soul. I wonder about that.
I didn't send my H a thank you card. I called him and thanked him instead. He said "somebody got there before me because it was all cleaned out." When I told him that I had been the one to clean it out, he was surprised.
Anyway, I have more to report. I have been hurting so badly as of late, and my IC said I was angry last time I saw her. So, I knew I needed to fix poet. I called H yesterday morning and said I needed him to "tell me" that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me. I was adament about it. And so he did. He said, "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be with you." Finally, he told me the truth. I was hurt at first, but now I am determined never to call him again.
I am beginning to hate him. I know hate is a strong word, but he has hurt me far too much to think that I could survive without that strong feeling. From the beginning he has been lying to me and I told him yesterday that I'm glad he finally told me the truth, and that he is a liar and a thief, and I hope someday he too will deal with his issues. I don't know if he heard that last part because he has a habit of hanging up on me.
And there is more. He is no longer texting, and he is hardly using his phone at all. This is all new. He has never been a talker, so when he was talking on the phone for an hour a day for the past year, and texting a lot, that's when I realized there must be someone else in the picture, tho he still denies that to this day. I know I'm not supposed to be snooping, and I am not really doing so. I'm merely checking my minutes, and his are on there too. No bother. I don't care anymore.
Father Tony asked if I wanted him back and I said yes. He said he may go talk to him. But in all honesty, I do not believe there is any hope anymore. So, I'm done.
Thanks PH for you words. I will keep an eye on this board as all there is anymore is me and my dog.
Dear poet, Just because your H said he doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want to be with you --- doesn't mean it's the truth. He probably doesn't even know his real feelings if he's in MLC. Plus, since he's in confusion now, putting him on the spot to give you an answer, it'd be safer for him to say that.
It isn't over until God says it's over.
Keep working on you in the meantime. You'll need that, no matter what happens to your marriage.
I am glad you thanked him. And try not to hate him - it won't help you. It will only hurt you more.
Keep coming here for encouragement. Take care of you and your dog, ok?
Dear PH, you are awesome. Who do you look towards for support and encouragement? I read the Bible, but I still need people like you to reinforce my beliefs.
Today I went to a friend that I haven't seen in a year because of a tear in the relationship. I told her that I'd like to reconcile and go forward as friends, again. We talked a bit. She did not hug me 'hello' or 'good-bye', but it was good to see her. Well, it is part of a good healing process for me.
Remembering what Jesus would do is a constant lesson.
I still feel kinda' low and in a cloud, but I'm making the steps for a stronger me. Thanks for your continuing support.
1.) trying to stay dark a.) difficult at the holidays
2.) I've been bombarded with hotmail pictures of M & A a.) I'm wondering when I will ever be important again to him.
3.) Still feel that when he left, noone came to the rescue to save us from the burning building. All friends ran from me and then one turned her back when A came back into her life. a.) they all said basically to find new friends
1.) I am happy & grateful for the friends that I have. a.) The friends that I have made at work are awesome. 2.) I am happy & grateful for the well-being of my parents. a.) My mother's positive personality and patient bahavior is strong and beautiful. My dad is happy to help guide and fun to share his company. He's showing his appreciation in his old age. 3.) I am happy & grateful for the support group at db. 4.) I am liking this new journey of self-assurance. a.) I enjoy putting one foot in front of the other. b.) I have found new caring people. 5.) I am grateful for my new friend, L. She's sweet. 6.) I am grateful that God is with me and knows my heart. I think he is hearing me. 7.) I am so grateful for my determination. a.) I am determined to stay hopeful. b.) I am determined to love myself. 8.) I am grateful that I joined the gym. a.) I saw a couple of my friends there today.
Dear Poet, I read what you wrote to PH. Listen, it's easy to hate and be angry. But maybe you can forgive him and forgive yourself. I remember when A was mean to me and didn't talk to me for 1-1/2 years. I thought he was a jerk, but I tried to understand, and I also knew that I loved him. I still love him. Try to let your H be. Choosing anger and acting in anger will only give him an excuse and more of a reason to leave. Try to act in love. Get the movie 'The Dare' and get the book. Let time go by and build yourself up. It is my mission to build myself up all the time. I want to do what JCJ said...get myself ready for when my husband does return. I'm going to be the best 'me'-strong yet lovable and the kind of wife A needs. Hang in there.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been acting & feeling very desperate lately. I'm scaring myself. I think it is the holiday and sadness that we still aren't in a place where I would like. I know things are better, but I have been feeling and doing things that might push him away...I've worked too hard for that to happen. I need prayers.
