Dear JoJo, It seems you have a steady focus and determination to stay with your goals!
And you have a plan to contact him next Wednesday, so you are keeping up staying in touch, which tends to get nice responses from A.
And JoJo, I get the sense your perspective has gotten a bit stronger over these last few weeks. Am I somewhat correct?
Hugs to a very nice and caring person!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hi Kara, I just thought I would see how you are doing on your goals from 2 weeks ago?
Take care, Laurie
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
I'd rather now not know and focus on what happens between h and I when we do see each other and in between times get on with my own stuff
You are on target when you say to "focus on what happens between h and I", as they are the moments you have control in which to have a positive and direct impact on your spouse and the relationship. Great point!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Laurie
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hope you reading ... I agree with JCJ and you. I like to focus on only when we talk (because he refuses to see me) so I'm nice in those moments, even when he is not.
As for me? I have been called in for a job interview half the distance from where I now work. (It takes me almost two hours one way). My interview is at 9 a.m. on July 20th?? A Monday.
I'm still putting out applications even closer than that. Also, I went to see a priest on Monday. He says I am doing all the right things, counseling, church, praying etc.
Laurie, thanks for the encouragement. I feel off the wagon pretty hard this week. I still haven't gotten back to normal, when my mother got bad news about her eye. The dr.s say that her right eye had a stroke in it during her heart operation. It can't be repaired. We all broke down and cried. We are so frustrated with the news.
Feeling very bad for my mom, I txt A ... although an 'up' message. He text me back an 'up' message, telling me he was at a birthday party that D made for him and sent a picture of him and her together. I had to opposing feelings at once.
1.) felt happy that he could share his life with me. 2.) felt very jealous. my face should be there next to his. a.) angry and bewildered
still friends tell me that they are just friends. I got so sick. It felt like he left me all over again.
I'm tryin to remember what JCJ told me. I still made a fool out of myself...txting maddly to A. I was totally emotional. I hate myself for it. I talked to him the next day and asked if he would accept my apologiezes. He said no apologize necessary and 'no worries'. What is he telling me?
I am staying away again. So far, I'm not sure how to reach my summer end goals.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, that must have been really shocking news.
This is just my perspective/ interpretation so feel free to ignore me but I wanted to share with you something that helped me.
I read that women talk in layers and indirectly rather than stating exactly what they want, however conversely men are direct and generally say exactly what they mean. When you asked what he was telling you, read what you wrote
Quote:
He said no apologize necessary and 'no worries'
Take heart from what he says, I would say he meant just that. However if you are feeling anxious about being emotional with him, what I do when I encounter those feelings is to either sit on my hands or type the text and not send it. Review it in a few hours and see if I am still happy to send it - I would say 99% of the time I delete them. It seems to work for me.
You're so good at setting goals! When I try the picture just seems so big it is hard to know where to start. I am getting better though, and it does help.
Thank you JCJ ... you are wonderful. I think I'm more upset with my behavior than A is at me.
Here I was: upset with the news about my mom, went home alone, I felt sorry for myself because A wasn't there, missed A, txt him, felt stress because of work, took sleeping pills (about 4, still couldn't sleep), got txt back from A about 3 hrs. later, still couldn't sleep (but drugged out), couldn't make any sense of anything, I lost all sense of reason, misunderstood his txt message, and cried all night long.
I'm usually very good about what to write, but this time, I lost all control. I feel that I hurt God most of all. I hate when I tell God that I will trust him...then I don't.
The worse thing is after I came to my senses and the drugged- feeing wore off ... I re-read his txt message ... GUESS WHAT? I think it was a compliment. (it was some crazy innuendo that I mis-read) I don't like innuendos and I'm beginning to not like txting.
My mother comforts me by telling me that all of this crazy feeling will fade away and be forgotten. I'm sure that A isn't thinking twice about it, and I don't want to REMIND him by telling him 'I'm sorry again'.
I feel like a stupid-idiot-jerk. OH, correction: big-fat-stupid-idiot-jerk.
Anyway ... you are very encouraging and supportive. I'm finding that my dbing friends are more supportive and understanding than my friends around me. I sometimes have to fight with my friends 'why can't you just encourage me'?
Anyways...I'm taking time off (again) to shape up (again) before I make plans to get together with him.
1.) still kicking myself 2.) feeling somewhat better, pushing myself, being more positive 3.) joining weight watchers again on Wed. 4.) going to accupuncturist tomorrow. 5.) seeing doctor tomorrow at 5:00 6.) trying to 'feel' good and believe it 7.) looking for a new church... 8.) sat. having friends over. not looking forward to it.
end of summer goal: 1.) one on one time with A, more emotional connection, show independence, feel confident, lose weight, more gym time, lunch, dinner, movies, hang out and watch dvds with A. fun and light=hearted 2.) would like A to seek me out more often. call (what are your plans?, will I see you this week?, call me later., more open)
Don't beat yourself up. Build yourself up instead. I like your self-improvement goals. Try to give A space by not contacting as often so it gives him time to miss you and wonder what happened to you. Also, not contacting makes it easier to live your life moment by moment, without missing him too much.
I've been praying a lot. I feel like I have to take some kind of control (I hate that anxious mood), but I have to trust in God. Feeling better is my first priority, right now.
