Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Rock on Antlers! Thanks, and have Happy Thanksgiving.

[dday101798]

And here we go.............

Xw never firmed up any plans for visitation exchanges for tomorrow being I hadn't heard what time I was being let off work today, and she didn't know what her work schedule was for Friday as of the last time we spoke last Friday.

So, last night as it got later and later in the evening, I got more and more aggitated with the situation. Then the phone finally rings, I figure it's S12 doing XW's dirty work and setting up the arrangements since she's too immautre to talk to me. Thus, I let it go to voice mail. Wouldn't you know, I was right. Yet again violating the parenting agreement. Thus, I opt not to return the call and see if she has the decency to call herself.

Of course not. So, in my frustration I sent a nice little text, "well, thanks for not firming up any plans for a holiday".

This morning as I'm driving in, I finally get a reply: "what holiday, what plans, you have the kids, if you need anything you can call me", followed up by a lengthly voice mail about how she has "a hundred thing to do, you didn't answer the call last night, that's you're problem, you have the kids for the holiday, I don't I have nothing to do" {boo-hoo}, and a whole lot of other nasty little things.

Thus, I'm sick and tired of making her life easy. I'm sick and tired of being peaceful and amicable with her, staying late at work unpaid, just so I can pick the kids up from her house on my way home versus her dropping them off. That's it, done. So since I didn't get an option to reply by voice messaging, I sent a response text "We'll just do this by the book from now on and you will drop them off at 10am tomorrow and I will return them at 10am on Friday".

I just now get a text "hi dad, so we're not going with you at 5:30-6:00" presumed to be from S11.

I almost replied and thought better of it. XW had said in her lovely message that she was leaving for work in a half hour and that was an hour ago.

What a beeeeeyatch

I'm done, absolutely done. She's just doing this because A) she has no regard for the rules. B)she obviously must be miserable and thus the apparently the whole world needs to be miserable with her.

I mean seriously, why should I drive all the way home, to drive back to her place and then back home in holiday traffic just because she can't bury the friggen hatchet already? Oh wait, I shouldn't and WON'T. Needless to say, my cousin graciously offered to watch the boys on Friday and even drop them off at XW's beckon call. Again, I'm NOT going to have my cousin sitting around waisting her day away just to appease XW who feels she can do what ever the hell she wants. Eff it!!!!!

And to sit here and boo-hoo me in a message about how crappy it is that I have the kids for the holiday?!?! THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED!!!!!!!!!

Any ideas or comments about how I handled this are certainly welcome.

[dday101798]

I just now get a text "hi dad, so we're not going with you at 5:30-6:00" presumed to be from S11..

BTW, This will make GREAT evidence in my case against her for using the kids as a go between.

[karen43]

I think your text was perfect. You shouldn't have to twist yourself in pretzels or your cousin either, to accommodate your X. I absolutely think you are doing the right thing. And yes, it's what she wanted, but she's still not happy. Not your problem.

I'm glad you're going out on Saturday. Hope you have a good time!

[dday101798]

Thanks Karen, I'm often finding myself doing the bending with only the kids interest in mind and not my own.

Now, I get a voice mail from S11 who was obviously ripped out of bed to make the call that "so we won't be seeing you tomorrow? mom can't drive and has no way of getting us out by you".

WTF do I do now? I'm of the standing, her inability to drive is certainly NOT my problem. And boy oh boy, as much as I'd hate to not see my kids on my scheduled holiday, how are you going to explain defying a court order for a mandated holiday visitation?!?!

[dday101798]

ARRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

i have a $2.1 million budget report to balance and submit to the freaking federal government of all people TODAY and every 2 seconds my cell phone is blowing up with some type of rhetoric from her phone, using S11. I though she had to be to work?

No choice, shutting off and in my drawer, need to get focused.

[NoCodeBlues]

Dday,

That's exactly what I am talking about. We can put the ex behind us and move on, but because we place so much value in our kids and make it known we will do whatever is needed, whenever it is needed, for their behalf, the ex can use that to make our lives miserable.

My ex knows I will, within reason, drop everything for my kids. If I have nothing else planned, I will always be willing to take them on short notice. I will do this for them, while my xW will abuse this to suit her own selfish ends. Still, I have never complained to her, even when it has meant some inconvenience for me at times.

(And this has resulted in xW now taking the opposite tact, in denying me such extra time with the kids by letting OM watch them instead. Just to spite me. Like you said, beeyatch!)

I don't know what the terms are in your parenting agreement/settlement, but many contain stipulations for who is responsible for transporting the kids and when for exchanges. My PA doesn't really contain enough wording to cover our sitch, so I just assume I will make the trip to/from her place (or her mother's) whether I am picking up or dropping off.

I think your ex needs to move her butt and get the kids to you if that's her responsibility during drop-offs.

[kat727]

Does your agreement contain some verbage about if the parent that has the scheduled time with them isn't able to be with them, the other parent has first chance to have them before another relative or babysitter is called in? Mine does. I do have to remind him from time to time.

kat

[dday101798]

I think your ex needs to move her butt and get the kids to you if that's her responsibility during drop-offs.

It is in black and white, signed by the judge HER responsibility to transport them to me.

I have only been doing the favor of picking them up since I pass right by "their" house on my way home from work, so it ony maid sense. This practice is officially over.

I have never given her the luxury of switching weekends or any unscheduled overnights so I would not end up being takenadvantage of. That has been a frim stance.

[dday101798]

Does your agreement contain some verbage about if the parent that has the scheduled time with them isn't able to be with them, the other parent has first chance to have them before another relative or babysitter is called in? Mine does.

No, each parites time is exclusively theirs.