One thing I should mention is that last weekend we spent a lot of time together. We took a walk on friday night. Saturday we went out to dinner, shopping and would of played mini golf but it started to rain. Sunday we hung out, made dinner for her family and when I went to bed. She came up and we talked for a while and she said she had a really nice weekend.
That is what got my expectations up. Not good but I felt really close to her and that makes me want to be physically close to her.
Just wanted everyone to see where some of expectations came from.
I had to go back to Toronto and Wednesday night I was thinking my W would come to bed early since we have been getting along better. She did not and I was irritaded and ended up sleeping on the couch.(Yea I know no expectations)
one word
DAM
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The next morning after I got a shower she asked why I did that. Told her I could not sleep. Then she asked me if I was going to give her a hug which I gruggingly did. Then she asked if I was mad at her and I said no.
that was followed up with
a lie
then you acted like an azz
then you lied again
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She asked again why I sleep on the couch and I said its nothing don't worry about it. At which she said fine.
\
then you lied again, then she lied
I would have slept in that bed..do not go to the couch anymore.
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I went down stairs and got ready and decided to tell her what was really bothering me. I went back upstairs and asked her if she wanted to know why I slept on the couch and she said yes.
by this time it was to late..it was all damage control then..you were being a DAM..and i bet she saw "Old Tim" when you did that..
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I told her I am tired of going to bed alone, I am tired of not having any physical contact and I keep telling you this.She said I thought we were doing better, getting along better. I said we are but I am frustrated that's all. I told you when we started MC that I feel love different than you. You see it as acts of kindness and words of affection and not that I don't like the time we have been spending together but I need physical contact.
All that stuff is nice but how would you feel if I did not talk to you for three weeks. She said she would not like that. I said that is how I feel when we go weeks without toiuching.
and this is the conversation you should have had from the get go instead of letting it fester all night....
was the couch comfortable??
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She said why didn't you ask me.last night?
and why did you not ask her?? so what if she turned you down..you should be detached enough that it would not have bothered you if she did..
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I sound like a wuss or needy to continue to ask you.
She said that it does not make you sound like a wuss.
I don't think asking her makes you sound like a wuss..I think not asking her makes you sound "chicken chitt"
letting your fears control you will doom you to failure..
so what if she turned you down..
alright..I'm done..quit being a DAM
you're way past that..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/22/0902:04 PM.
I couldn't put my finger on what was bugging me the most about your post Tim. Thanks to MFT, I get it now.
If you want her to open up and be honest, you need to open up and be honest. 100% of the time (or as close to that number as you can get) I agree with MFT, she's seeing a bit of the old you coming through. You didn't get your way, so you go off in a huff.
I understand it is frustrating. But for posts and posts you paint this like you are completely contented with how things are going - spending time together, get along, etc. I'm saying this because I'm getting confused. Is there no middle? It's either going well or you hit a brick wall. I mentioned before about tiptoe-ing around and this is what I meant. You tiptoe until it doesn't get you what you want.
How long can you go on like this Tim? Yeah, the MC is saying have patience, but how much do you have?
I knew MFT would beat me over the head for what I did and yes it is some of the old me coming through and yes I know better and yes it was a DAM move.
I talked to Ken on Friday and he hit me also and helped me to see things differently. He also gave me some ideas on what I should do and how to proceed from here.
WT, not sure how much patience I have left. Most of the time I have alot and feel I can wait till she is ready. But then there are those time that I can't. Its not often but it does happen.
It confuses me sometimes. I know what I want but its hard to know how hard to push for it and where I should sit back and wait. Its knowing how fast to push somethings and to go slow with other things.
I FU the other night but I did talk to her and I do think she understands better now where I am coming from and things went well this weekend after I got back from toronto.
Also we did text and email each other while I was driving to and from Toronto and while I was in Toronto. The emotional connection is getting stronger and I am glad about that but I still need the physical connection. I went about it wrong and do need to be more open in telling her that and that is something else Ken told me.
My W did call me today and invited me out to lunch for my birthday and that has not happened in I could not tell you how many years if ever. And that tells me alot.
I talked to Ken on Friday and he hit me also and helped me to see things differently. He also gave me some ideas on what I should do and how to proceed from here.
what you should do?? I don't get that sorry but I don't...that sounds like some plan to save your M?? What's up wid dat??
what you should do is "man up"....stop walking on eggshells..
if I wanted her in bed I'd ask her..if i wanted a hug I'd get it...
I'd be normal...I can imagine what it's like there now....
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The emotional connection is getting stronger and I am glad about that but I still need the physical connection.
for who?? you or her?? Are you assuming that it is for her?? Don't u think that if it was for her then something would be happening on the physical front..
what do you think WT??? you're a woman..give me your perspective here...if they are emotionally connected then I think you will be "getting it like you ought to be getting it"
fear will control you only if you let it...
I used to be afraid..especailly after the first failure..I'm not now..nor have I been with thesecond.....
what do you think WT??? you're a woman..give me your perspective here...if they are emotionally connected then I think you will be "getting it like you ought to be getting it"
I agree. If I'm emotionally connected to a man, he's getting laid. However, if it's a friends/sibling emotional connection, that would be a no. Is there an attraction? Maybe that's a question that needs be asked.
I think they both walk around like there are 1 million broken eggs
I think you are right. But Tim gets tired of walking on the eggs. He knows he is a good, loving man without doing that, but he feels he has to handle her gently until her confidence is built up. But I think she's happy with the way things are right now. And maybe for a long time.
To move forward a few eggshells may have to be broken.
Is the authentic Tim the one walking on the eggshells?
I'm saying in a sitch like you described yesterday..where you left the bed..
I'm saying aask her..for what you need..I'm not saying ask her to bed you..but if I wanted a hug I'd go give her a hug and see what happened..if I would like her to come to bed early then I'd tell her..I'm going on a trip..can you come to bed early so we can spend some time together??
and you said things were better emotionally...and i ask for who??
if you are reading her mind then good for you..has she said things are better emotionally? are you assuming, or are you talking about your emotional state..
I'm looking for clarification??
and it's true.if a woman is connected emotionally then she is putting it on me...for sure...
and I have not said to disregard your MC's advice..I thgink you need to be patient also..and clearly you were not the other night..
See now this is where I am confused. Your saying in one sentence to just do it but in the next you are saying I would be having sex if she was emotionally connected to me. How do you persue physical contact with a woman if she is not emotionally connected to me in that way?
To persue a woman physically start going around the bases. Just like high school. I don't think anyone is saying go straight to penetration. I see snuggling and cuddling. Is there any exchange of bodily fluids? (Kissing is what I mean, but I mean kissing) What's the next physical step beyond where you are today? Or maybe you need to work on consistent hugging as the MC suggested. Until you get consistency in your physical interactions you're going to circle the drain. MHO.
