I have a story here and you can go back and see it if you like.
I HAVE TO COME CLEAN. Just one day before my wife told me that she wanted to reconcile.(after waiting since she threw me out last September)
I had an evening affair with a friend that had been comforting me.
When my wife asked me I told her. Now even thought she had a long lasting affair with her ex boyfriend and I was all alone trying to get her back as she slapped me down every time. She does not consider what she did an affair because she was "done with the marriage".
I went and spent the weekend with my wife in her new city after I helped her drive 24 hours and moved her in. I wanted to save the marriage but we got in a big fight and she bought me a ticket and sent me home 2 days early. That day she texted me that she was sorry and wanted to try this again sometime and I sid I wanted that too.
She has alluded to us working on things in the past so much and this time I was just too hurt and have my own self to take care of. That night I ended up in bed with someone.
The very next day, Wife calls and explains to me that she has been awful and she wants so badly to save the marriage. What could I do? I said nothing about the night but I was longing to tell her. She does not have the capacity to forgive in her like I do.
She asked so I told her, now She feels betrayed.
(So did I)
It does not matter that I felt this way too. I am a liar and a cheater and for some reason she is not.
What am I gonna do to make the least forgiving woman in the world stop being hypocritical and forgive me as I forgive her?
Once you are talking again you might ask, "Explain how this situation is different from what you did to me?" If she can't, then it may start her thinking. If she has a justification (but its not a good one) you can point that out too. How were you to know that she was 'thinking that the marriage was over' and then suddenly changed her mind?
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
I like the idea of a counselor but we live a 24 hour drive apart.
She tells me that the difference is that I was telling her I want to work it out.
The day I was sent home she said she wanted to "try again".
I just thought is was the same ole stuff of keeping me around just out of fear but this time I tried to just get away from her for a while and I ended up in bed. Full of regrets.
I believe the Harleys do telephone counseling, and they specialize in Infidelity. I don't think this is "advertising" since MWD is supposedly friends of theirs, and they recommend each other's books and stuff.
She just can't see that it is the same pain and the same betrayal, she claims that I knew what I was dealing with because she told me but that I was dishonest.
She is so full of herself and never sees herself responsible for any of this at all ever. This means she can't see that we made the same mistake, some how I always come out the bad guy.
Point of view thing... irrelevant if she isn't wanting to work on the M. In my dream world you could just ask her if she wants to work on the M or not. If not - you aren't going to let her vent and justify her own guilt. Then walk out the door dramatically.
But probably you should just give her a few days and let her approach you with her desire. It may be she just wants to guarantee you can't hold her own crap over her head.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
