1.) rec'd txt message from A at 7:45am with an answer to my question: I'm wondering when you are passing papers? His answer: Unfortunately, buyer backed out. But how is your mom? a.) I've noticed that his initial message answers a question and then he asks one. I like that. It tells me that he wants to pursue some communication and show interest. b.) I responded to his bad news, encouraged him (always...he needs it, I like it), answered his question.
Goals:
1.) A's birthday this month. I'm telling him that I'd like to take him out for his birthday. 2.) continuing to ask about condo and offer my extra bedroom in the transition period, also basement for storage. 3.) I'm asking God for movement toward actual hanging out together time. I need a break.
Hi JoJo! 1) I am glad you were feeling better physically and mentally on the 29th. Your posting last night appears that there has been a dip in how you are feeling. Can some things be done today to nudge you back to how you felt on the 29th?
2. Regarding E, it is hard to know her intentions for not supporting you about A. It does seem she can be highly reactive and focuses on herself and not the needs of others. During this time in your life, it will be important to put those around you that will support you and be empathetic.
3 It is good that A does not seem to let some of the reactive behavior of your friends decide for him how he will relate to you. I think that may support the idea that how you relate to A has more of an impact that what your friends do.
Hugs to you....
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hi Laurie: So much has happened in the last few days. I really believe that God is holding tight to me, too.
A has shown to me in just the last few days that he has plans to build on including me in his current life. It really has been amazing!!!
Since I decided that E is not a healthy choice in a friendship for me, (she is highly reactive and vindictive...aka nuts) I have been giving it all to God. Turns out that when I did that, God basically agreed.
A txt me:Are you free Friday?
I answered:'I think so'.
He invited me over for appetizers and cocktails with E and her husband. I didn't know how to answer that quetion. I paused for a long time. I wanted to be with him, but I thought I would be uncomfortable with E. I waited. Then...I looked at the clock...11:11am...
I stopped to thank God even though I felt it was a tough choice to make.
My text:...thank you, I'd like to spend time with you and I like E's H 'C', but I'd feel uncomfortable with e there.
His response:I didn't know. I'm sorry. So Long.
I almost died.
So Long? what does that mean?
I text him back:Do you understand?
A responded:I don't know what is going on but there will be other gatherings. Although, it will be very sad that you will not be able to come to my birthday party at E' & C's house ... but I understand.
I laughed to myself because I thought I was showing him that I was indepedent and that I was showing him my boundaries. Instead, he knew how to push my buttons.
Soooo, I looked at my phone and said...what! Birthday party?
My text:I want to go. Ok...no saddness allowed. I'm coming over your place on Friday! What time? And (separate text) I want to go to your birthday party!
His text:It will be at 8:00pm. We will have fun! OK?
My text:O...K... Big Smile! Big Hug!
A's text back:JoJo, life is too short to let grudges get in the way. Look forward to seeing you Friday.
Laurie: I cried and laughed at the same time. Life is too short for grudges...I thought I'd crack a rib. I like the way that we become each other. that was almost like me talking to him. I'm the one with the grudge and he is the one encouraging. I cried. I laughed!
Dear jojo, It seems to me that your H is really trying to connect with you. How awesome that he invited you to his birthday party and expressed his sadness over you not going to it. I hope it goes well tomorrow. Pray for guidance for how to handle the party. Keep up the grateful attitude, PH
1.) Went to A's house last night a.) had a great time b.) had good time with E
2.) His friend was also their (the one who has son) a.) I watched them interact all night b.) concensus is that they are just friends
3.) Still, I am jealous a.) I want to have that plus more.
4.) Got some great hugging signals, but smelly aunt kiss on cheek when he walked me to car. (hate that!)
5.) He encouraged me about my not liking my pictures because I said that I looked fat. He said that I am too critical about myself. I liked that he was listening to me.
6.) I want more! Now! But feel good, but miss him.
1.) I've gone through the positives, but I feel bad that the people around me ask me how long I am going to wait. a.) I cry. b.) I'm tired of wishing people could encourage me.
Reminder to Self:
1.) He invited me, even though he didn't have to. 2.) He encouraged me to come, even though I told him otherwise. 3.) He held me close, cheek to cheek, during taking of picture 4.) He text me today to thank me for coming & hoped I felt better because I drank a little too much.
Yes, there are some good positives in your interaction with you H. When people quetion you waiting, say "Interesting. Why do you ask?" and then don't answer or change the subject...
Do you subscribe to and read Charlyne Cares newsletters? They are very encouraging and often speak to my circumstance just as if they were written for me, and just at the time most needed.
People ask because they don't understand why. They are not in your shoes so they can't understand. Try not to let them discourage you or bother you.
Hi...yes, I did receive her newsletters, but I got so behind in reading them that I stopped reading it. I have her tapes and their books. I feel that God is on my side.
My note is short and sweet about what is starting to happen now...I guess. Just encouraging him and encouraging sharing light-hearted, happy times together.
When people ask me how long will you wait for him? I tell them forever. My friend said today that if he isn't with you by now...blah, blah, blah. I said, 'how do you know that?' Then I say that I need you to encourage me. I will never give up.
thanks again PH! You are very kind and I appreciate you support and encouragement.
jojo, I stopped reading for a while but started up again and now I won't stop reading them. There's no need to read all the ones you missed. Just start reading the current day's and go from there.
I suggest avoiding anything that talks about your relationship. Keep your notes non-pressuring - send him a funny email, and add your own words of affirmation. Make sure that the jokes are not religious or about a morla lesson or about relationship stuff.
It's wonderful that you are able to tell them you're not giving up. Often when we're doing the right thing by God, we get opposition because there are "forces" trying to break up families and marriages. When our actions threaten that plan, we find ourselves in situations that try to get us to give up.... if you know what I mean. I am being a little bit cryptic here.
