Unstoppable

[karen43]

Of course, that's ridiculous. She should have emailed you her changes to let you know. Common courtesy. I know we've discussed this but not for a while, and I really think that's that projection thing. She has weaknesses and projects them on to you. Like my H telling me I'm controlling??? I don't really understand it, but it does some like some people really do that.

H and I have been communicating by email 99% of the time and that works out so much better. If she starts harassing/haranguing you I think you should suggest she email you re: any issues that relate to the kids. Most of the time they don't seem to be! And then walk off or something and leave her standing there like a psycho if she keeps it up. I think she loves to egg you on, so she can say, see I had to have an A and Divorce, it's all his fault. Blaming instead of taking responsibility. I think that's going to cause problems for her long-term. It's so easy to see how dysfunctional she is and feel empathy, but I know when they're causing so much grief it's hard to do that. Sometimes impossible. Karen

[cat03]

since the D papers aren't done yet make sure you have a clause that says all/any trips that might interfere with kids care are known to you 2wks in advance, in a way that she can't pull that giant ball of BS she just pulled on you (argh!!!! what in the world is wrong with her? you were supposed to check on her plans??? crazy!!)
Think of any loophole and cover it, think of all the craziness she's putting you through and provide protection against it. And she is the one suing you for custody? she is totally insane, my prayers your way that you are able to deal with this maniac and come out winning.

[NoCodeBlues]

since the D papers aren't done yet...

Cat, the D is already final, as of April 3rd. xW went ahead and filed after pulling out of negotiations to work out a property settlement and custody agreement.

Now, any time I mention her transgressing the spirit of our de facto agreement or mention her bad faith in working out these recurring differences, she gets all snide and tells me I have only myself to blame for not capitulating to her terms and signing her biased version of the separation agreement.

For too long she "gas-lighted" me into taking the blame for much of our M's failure, but thankfully I have had enough sense about me to refuse to accept her unfair versions of a separation and custody agreement. But now she is apparently going to try to make my life absolutely miserable for not giving her complete sway.

As for the disagreement we had at the bus stop yesterday: She sent me a follow-up email later in the day. She took the tone of saying she was "sorry" if I was confused and unable to understand what she meant. She claimed again that she was merely posing a possible change in plans, not an actuality. She's full of cr*p, as usual.

So she's now backpedaling and trying to make it sound like I am some idiot for actually taking her serious. Perhaps I am.

[cat03]

*groan* sounds like she is regressing, turning into a troublesome teenager, jeez!
Because of the kids you will have to have constant contact, but do try to keep it as short as possible, less fodder for her, though she seems to make a mess out of the simplest things. Like talking to a 5yr old, from now on just confirm with her in a short email of some other "business" trip or something like so comes up.

So sorry you have to deal with such a toxic person, Ncode, patience your way)))

[NoCodeBlues]

Hello, Cat,

That's my thoughts exactly. I've said it before -- I feel like I'm dealing with a petulant and nasty 14-year old girl. Not a mature rational woman at all.

I've traded barbs with the ex via email. She's pushing and pushing. And making snide remarks. I've let her get to my buttons. But I don't care to hold back much anymore. She sent another missive to me this morning castigating me for being annoyed by her callous actions. In reply, I let her have it. Among other things, I told her I was on to her b-s.

I am fighting to keep a lid on it. Continually trying to remind myself that not only is she beyond hope, but she's not even worth my efforts, even if I could effect things, which I can't.

I scheduled another IC session for this weekend -- it's been a couple of months now.

I also am trying to speak with my L. Trying to gear up for the mediation hearing.

[cat03]

I know it's hard NOT to call them on their BS, but for your sanity just tell her you wont even open any emails unless it's about the kids, not to bother sending anything else, she isnt' worth loosing your peace over. Prayers your way, hope this madness gets settled with mediation))))))

I remember one time as we were doing mediation how x would send me all this nasty txts, I couldnt' handle it so I had a good friend read them and delete them so I wouldnt' be tempted to answer back...after him calling many time he panicked and thought I was gearing up for something as he stopped and later actually apologized. Dont' give her a chance to talk trash.

[karen43]

I've traded barbs with the ex via email. She's pushing and pushing. And making snide remarks. I've let her get to my buttons. But I don't care to hold back much anymore. She sent another missive to me this morning castigating me for being annoyed by her callous actions. In reply, I let her have it. Among other things, I told her I was on to her b-s.

I think she likes to push your buttons and you should just try to avoid her. I freq. now just delete H's emails when they're a rant or complaint about something. I delete it and don't respond. And you know, all the waste of time and energy and lost PMA when you get in these email battles, I don't think are worth it. I went through months of that, but when I finally figured out I was just making the sitch worse by responding; I think that really helped. I wonder how many times, maybe most of the time, H prob. cools off and realizes he was being jerky or whatever. He never emails back the next day or whatever.

I am fighting to keep a lid on it. Continually trying to remind myself that not only is she beyond hope, but she's not even worth my efforts, even if I could effect things, which I can't.

OK, this is maybe cheesy, but I think What Would Jesus Do? Would he say anyone is beyond hope or not worth our efforts? I pray for my H every day that he'll start to walk a better path and become happier and healthier. I do this b/c my kids will be better off, and it's the right thing to do I think. And it helps me release my anger taking this to the Lord. I ask him to help me with my anger and forgiveness and be more loving.

I scheduled another IC session for this weekend -- it's been a couple of months now.

I'm glad; I need to do that too and gear up for mediation! Mine's the 29th when's yours? Karen

[NoCodeBlues]

Hi, Cat, Hi, Karen,

Dont' give her a chance to talk trash.

Yes, I agree. I need to go back to being dark. It's better that way.

I am fighting to keep a lid on it. Continually trying to remind myself that not only is she beyond hope, but she's not even worth my efforts, even if I could effect things, which I can't.

OK, this is maybe cheesy, but I think What Would Jesus Do? Would he say anyone is beyond hope or not worth our efforts? I pray for my H every day that he'll start to walk a better path and become happier and healthier. I do this b/c my kids will be better off, and it's the right thing to do I think. And it helps me release my anger taking this to the Lord. I ask him to help me with my anger and forgiveness and be more loving.

Not cheesy at all, Karen. You're right -- xW is not beyond all hope. I guess it was hyperbole on my part -- what I meant was that she is beyond hope for anything I might say or do. I have to remind myself that it has been proven time and again that she will take everything I say or do wrong. She chooses to see only the worst in anything I say or do.

And, again, for my sake, she is not worth my efforts. She has succeeded in totally destroying any chance we might ever have had at even a cordially friendly relationship. She has made it clear she will not have it, and there is nothing I can do about any degree of reconciliation. Even a lukewarm detente seems out of the question.

Miracles do happen, yes. Bridges sometimes do get rebuilt even after being totally razed to the ground, but realistically, no, I can't pin my hopes on that ever happening, not really. As insane and inconceivable as it seems to me, the woman who once swore undying love for me has now chosen to be my arch-enemy. I have to accept the hard facts and move on with my life.

As such I have to remember to give this over to God. I need to do the one thing left for me which is to continue pray for her, which I do.

Jesus did tell us to pray for our enemies. I just never dreamed that xW ever would become that enemy He speaks of.

I'm glad; I need to do that too and gear up for mediation! Mine's the 29th when's yours?

We are scheduled for a "Custody/Visitation Orientation" session this Thursday, June 11. The suit was filed just a week ago, on the 28th. That was pretty fast. The actual custody hearing is scheduled for August 15 -- I'm not sure if that is when the actual mediation order is handed out or if that is the post-mediation hearing. I'm not sure yet -- I have a meeting wth my atty. on Monday, so I'll find out then.

[fightingirish]

NC~ I haven't forgotten about you... have some stuff going on here...

Anyways, I just am dumbfounded everytime you post, because I can't get over how really sick she is.

You have to go dark, it is the only way. Unless it is absoultely necessary to talk to her about the boys, don't talk to her. She only dishes out hateful venom and words, its not worth your time or energy anymore.

I hope your meeting goes well and the judge is able to see through her destruction and what she is trying to do. it makes me so mad!

Try and enjoy your wkend, Im going to pop on to my stitch and update.

Take care of yourself.. (((hugs))

[Yoyowife]

NC,
She does sound like the class bully. Maybe you do need to ignore her as much as possible. They say that MLCers act like spoiled teenagers, I think she has regressed to the "terrible two's". Hang in there and just continue to do what's right for you and your two wonderful boys.

Hugs, Yoyo