We missed last weeks MC appointment. We both had the time wrong. I rescheduled for Thursday of next week.
As far as physical contact the hugging is hit and miss but we have had more in bed, not sexual but more holding. I gave her a hug before I left for Canada but the nightly one does not always happen.
I feel that we seem to be more open and comfortable with each other and want to spend time together. Again I am just going with the flow for right now, seems to be my motto but the MC told me patience two months ago and that is what I am doing.
How's everything with you Mike? How is your dad doing?
How's everything with you Mike? How is your dad doing?
I'm good...adjusting to a pay cut about a month ago..running da roads hard..keeping myself happy..being there for michele and her daughters when needed..some golf, getting along with Kim..enjoying Caleigh...we are potty training..WOOO HOOOO...well Caleigh is potty training... not me..
Dad is doing OK..a day of real weakness last week..and showing some symptoms of the tumor either coming back or some brain swelling going on..they had taken him off steriods when he started radiation/chemo but decided to put him back on after this last episode..so now he is back to normal for a soon to be 84 year old man...
a hijack here Tim...WT--he is showing no real signs of any side effects of the Rad/chemo pill...he is loosing some hair but it's slow....he is complaining of some vision problems so we are figuring that some of the tumor fingers are progressing into the vision center of his brain which may lead to decreased or total vision loss at some time...the neuro had said that some of the tumor had moved into that area...he goes for Rad. every day at 1:10 and has not missed a treatment..then he and mom go eat sometimes..he gets out about 2 times a week with the local guys at a restaurant to sit and bullchitt...he's on a walker now which is a little different but I think it makes him feel really safe..he has a fear of falling now..
I think he's in really good shape now with the prognosis he has...I think my sisters beg to differ at times..but from where I am things look good with him...I figure he could be in a bed..but he's up, mobile, in pretty good spirits...he talks a lot about heaven, the bible and religious stuff which is very unusual for him and out of character..but maybe in the end that's what we will all do??
...we are potty training..WOOO HOOOO...well Caleigh is potty training... not me..
For a second there I thought that maybe you might learn how to use the potty. But then again you are from Tennseess and indoor plumbing hasn't made it up into the hills yet.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Dad is doing OK..a day of real weakness last week..and showing some symptoms of the tumor either coming back or some brain swelling going on..they had taken him off steriods when he started radiation/chemo but decided to put him back on after this last episode..so now he is back to normal for a soon to be 84 year old man...
a hijack here Tim...WT--he is showing no real signs of any side effects of the Rad/chemo pill...he is loosing some hair but it's slow....he is complaining of some vision problems so we are figuring that some of the tumor fingers are progressing into the vision center of his brain which may lead to decreased or total vision loss at some time...the neuro had said that some of the tumor had moved into that area...he goes for Rad. every day at 1:10 and has not missed a treatment..then he and mom go eat sometimes..he gets out about 2 times a week with the local guys at a restaurant to sit and bullchitt...he's on a walker now which is a little different but I think it makes him feel really safe..he has a fear of falling now..
I think he's in really good shape now with the prognosis he has...I think my sisters beg to differ at times..but from where I am things look good with him...I figure he could be in a bed..but he's up, mobile, in pretty good spirits...he talks a lot about heaven, the bible and religious stuff which is very unusual for him and out of character..but maybe in the end that's what we will all do??
As long as he is up and about, going out to get something to eat that is great for anyone that is 84 let alone someone with brain cancer. Glad all is well with you.
For a second there I thought that maybe you might learn how to use the potty. But then again you are from Tennseess and indoor plumbing hasn't made it up into the hills yet.
nah..not me..I'm a hillbilly and a heathen..indoor plumbing is for yankee's and dignified folk
Hi Tim, MfT, WT. Nice to see you all. Tim, update please on what's going on. I haven't been around much. Dealing with the all the stuff on my plate right now and I've been taking care of the kids a lot because my W keeps deciding to either go out or spend time sleeping over her mom's. Works for me because I love being with them.
Hope you're doing well Tim. Have a nice weekend.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Things are going ok with me. On Friday my W texed me at work and invited me out to lunch and then we went out to dinner that night also. On Saturday we went to an auction and after that she went out shopping with her mom while I did work around the house.
On Saturday evening ms S, W and I drove around our comunity and took pictures for his Boy Scout merit badge and then spent the rest of the evening hanging out at the neighbors house. Yesterday we went over to a friends house and went swimming and had a cookout.
We are getting along well and talking, texting and emailing each other. Its better that it ever has been but its still missing the physical end of the relationship. That feeling of being close, of being a couple, of being in love if you understand what I am saying. She is still distant in that area and it wears on you after a while.
I take it as it comes and that is all I can do at this point. I try and stay focused on the good and not overthink things too much.
Don't overthink or overanalyze. You say it's better than it ever has been - just remember it happens in baby steps. Sometimes it's two steps forward one step back. I know it wears on you Tim but you know what to do so I can't add anything. I'm glad you're doing well.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
We had MC last night and it was a pretty relaxed session. My W and I have been getting along well texting, emailing, doing stuff around the house and taking walks together.
She said that it is nice and that things are getting better. The problem I have is that she still has no desire to advance the physical contact. When asked about this my W said that the "homework assignment" felt like a chore and not something that felt natural. The MC said that maybe you are not ready to proceed further with this R.
My W said that she likes where it is and that it is better than it was. The MC said that maybe we moved a little to fast and should slow down. She asked if I was alright with this and I said most of the time but I would be lying if I said I totally accepted it. (Most of the time I am fine with it but man there are those times like the past week or so that its not.)
My W said that she knows that I do not want to be this way and that I do not want to be here 6 months from now in the same position. The MC said that I needed to be patient, as if that is not a staple in my life, and not to put time frames on things. (Patient, patience?, as if 2years is not having a lot of patience.)
I told them that I stopped putting time frames on things a long time ago because they are unrealistic. Here is the killer part. My W says that she is still unsure about me and that she has lived this way for so many years its hard to get over it. Damn, its like a broken record, move the fu** on already. I am so tired of this damn comment, its a cop out, get over it uuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.
Anyways I smiled, looked at her, validated that I understand and yes it was bad there for many years but it was irritating me inside.
The MC then asked my W if there were some underlying issues that she wants to bring up and get out in the open but my W said that there were not any.
The MC asked me if I thought that there were and I said yes but since I cannot read her mind I do not know what they are. The MC said that we cannot force her to reveal them. I agreed.
I told the MC that I apologized for how I treated her in the past and that I was not happy with how I was and that I worked hard to change the things I did not like and most of those were things that I knew she did not like also. The MC asked if I was where I wanted to be and I said yes.
I told her that most of the time I just smile or laugh at the things that use to piss me off. There are time I am driving and someone does something and I just back off and think if they would have done that 2 years ago I would have done something really stupid and been all jacked off.
She said so you have your anger under control and I said yes. But the only bad part is now I can never get mad even when it is called for because I know how my W will react. She looked at my W and she said that she can't remember the last time she felt that way and that I am a much more relaxed and pleasant person to be around. She said that I use to go off and rant and rave about something and then just storm out of the room and that I do not do that anymore.
Then she said that I was the one that was the heavy hand for the kids. I said that is true but I felt that she was way too easy on them and that the more she let them get away with the more strict I was and the stricter I was the easier she was on them. It was a never ending pattern.
My W said that now she has been getting more strict with them and that Tim is the one that talks to them after I get upset. She said that it takes a lot to set her off but the kids know they went too far when she does. She said that the other day our S got me very upset, to the point that I just walked away and I heard Tim downstairs telling him that what he did was wrong and that he needs to apologize to his mother and do what she said. My W said that I was not mean or angry but just told him in a calm way what he needed to do.
The MC said that what you are saying is that it is evening out and that you are backing each other. I said that is how it is suppose to be and its much nicer for me now because I just let my W handle her issues with the kids and I handle mine. So yes its much better this way.
That is pretty much it in a nut shell but it still seems like it was all about me and what I did wrong and her getting over my stuff to move the R forward. It’s like what about the things you did to contribute to our problems and how about an apology for the things she has said and done. Sometimes I feel that it is so one sided and its all about me but it took two to get us here and she had a hand in how all this went down and lets not forget the ex a**hole in all of this. Sorry a little rant to end it. Just needed to get that off my chest and out of my head.
June is a tough month for me, my birthday, Fathers Day and our Anniversary are all within the same week and it’s a little bit of a trigger for me that’s all. I am working my way through it but sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed. Plus what is happening to NDS has me a little upset and makes me questions things in my sitch even though they are not the same and really unrelated but nonetheless it does effect me.
That is pretty much it in a nut shell but it still seems like it was all about me and what I did wrong and her getting over my stuff to move the R forward. It’s like what about the things you did to contribute to our problems and how about an apology for the things she has said and done. Sometimes I feel that it is so one sided and its all about me but it took two to get us here and she had a hand in how all this went down and lets not forget the ex a**hole in all of this. Sorry a little rant to end it. Just needed to get that off my chest and out of my head.
When are you going to forgive yourself? I sense you are still walking on eggshells a bit, catering to your wife. As long as you allow her to continue to talk ONLY about your contribution to all this, that's all you're going to talk about. It feels, to me that you're both going to MC so she can 'get fixed'. And I'm not denying for one minute that you are where you need to be - I know that MC is a safe place for you both to be able to discuss things. But it doesn't sound like things are moving forward. Where does she want to be in 6 months? Where does she want to be when the kids are out of the house?
If this stuff about her Ex is still bothering you, why aren't you bringing that up when you have a session? Because you're concerned she'll stop going?
