I hadn't thought of it that way, but I should have. I think you might very well be right. I wouldn't put it past my xW for her ulterior motive in changing ships after all these other years is to keep following the OM. Her deep-seated insecurities, despite all pretenses to the contrary, always do seem to come to the fore. And so she probably realizes she can't really trust that fat, slimy snake-in-the grass, at least on a subconscious level if nothing else.
Tonight marked the 19th anniversary of my first date with now xW. How things change...
I sent her a short email acknowledging the date, saying that I was trying to be thankful for all the good and all the bad that has transpired since then.
No, I don't really expect a reply. The person I knew then and would eventually marry is now dead and gone -- it definitely feels that way. I just felt the need to acknowledge this event, as if to convince myself it wasn't just some vague dream or something...
I'm just a sentimental old fool after all, it would seem.
You are certainly not a fool... sentimental, but no fool. You are a sweet man that has been dealt a really rough hand.
At this juncture she is not worthy of you. Any woman would be lucky to have you in her life. It just goes to show you what kind of man you are and how much you have changed from the beginning of this.
19 years is a long time, it will be our 18year wedding anniversary on the 1st of June..
Have a good day my friend.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I don't have my S's this weekend. And we cancelled our Bible study dinner and get-together.
I did go see a movie this evening, Terminator: Salvation, ... alone, unfortunately. So much for GAL tonight. I'll try better the next three days.
I talked to one of my old neighbors today. It just so happens that his wife was approached by my xW to ask her to write an affidavit on her behalf, saying how wonderful a parent that xW was since she's known her. What bothers me is that xW is making it sound like she is the one who has to defend her ability to parent our S's. She's still making it sound like I am the one who is attacking the other.
Good Lord, will she stop at nothing to get what she wants?
I am really beginning to wonder where all this malice could possibly come from. I cannot begin to reconcile the image I have of the kind and loving woman I married and who bore my children from this cold, deceitful and absolutely shameless tramp that I am now embarrassed to say I know, let alone to have made my bride. Where is the soul of the person I knew and loved? Can she ever be found again? And how on earth can one square the degree of venom she now directs at me with anything I could have done to deserve it? I don't get it.
Nc~ how was the movie? Its ok to go to a movie alone, lots of people do it.
as far as your ex goes, does she really think that she has to go to this extremes to get the judge to see her way? Is that what her intentions are? You can do exactly what she is doing, so I don't understand her logic.
She is definately trying to deflect the matter of her infidelity to make it all about you and how you are attacking her. When in fact she is the one who has destroyed any hope of putting the family back together.
There is no way you can understand her at this point, she is way too far gone. And know you don't deserve it, and I don't get it either.
Try and have a good weekend.
(((((hugs)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I have the same kind of thing too. A friend yesterday was saying maybe it's guilt that causes them to act that way? It must mess with your head: having As, breaking up a family, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, so I guess they come up with weird ways to survive the guilt or whatever. It's kind of nice that we don't have that guilt; we won't have any regrets or what could have beens later.
I know we didn't db our marriages, although DB saved me I think, but in some way seeing those here that have; I mean it's kind of easier in a way to not have to work on our marriages, don't you think? I think a lot of our WAS are kind of messed-up people and it will be nice to be able to have Rs in the future with healthier people. Karen
Irish, the movie was good, but for me a bit too predictable. Lots and lots of action. It proved a good escape...
Karen, I felt like I did try to DB, especially in the first year of our separation. But my xW is one of those who is DB-proof. She has somehow had her conscious surgically removed. She simply used all the gestures and acts of good faith on my part to consolidate her plans.
Oh, every once in a while I might have said or done something along the DB guidelines that might have resulted in her slightly altering or delaying her course, but it was never very long before she set herself right back on track again. I have never been alone with xW ever since our S, so I never have gotten any one-on-one time with her, to get her real thoughts in person and to look her straight in the eyes. Email, yes, but it is not the same. xW now only surrounds herself with "yes" people and co-conspirators. And her mother is the biggest pro-divorce nazi you will ever meet -- extreme anti-DB. I didn't have a chance.
Like I said, some people are just DB-proof. There wasn't really much I could do, but I gave it the best effort possible.
And, yes, Karen, I am certain that each of us will someday come to the point where our hearts are completely healed, through God's grace, and we will be able to enjoy R's with people far more healthy than our ex's. I know for me this will be a long road to healing, but I accept it.
One thing is certain, I have decided I am no longer going to act to protect xW's reputation. Other than all of you, my mother, my brothers and my DivorceCare cohorts, not to mention my IC, I have divulged the truth about xW to no one, family or friend, that we know in common. While I will not actively malign my xW, neither will I continue to act like I don't know what her motives have really been all along. I will no longer be evasive for the sake of the reputation of my S's mother -- not when she has never withheld her own grievances against me, as trumped up and false as they are, with teachers, neighbors and other folks. I've been too kind to her in that regard.
NC, I know you DB'd your butt off, as did I. No regrets, and that's good. You know you did your best. But yes, some are DB-proof, imo they are many of them dysfunctional in some or many ways.
I like I think isn't it lwb's response: she says something like WAH wanted to be living a single life or something like that--is that what you say lwb? People know what that means, without you trashing her or anything. I'm planning on using that one myself if you don't mind! Karen
