With step number 5, we take some of the ideas and goals from the previous steps, and begin to take action!!
There really is no "one-size-fits-all" method that will work to help you take your relationship to the place you want to be. Just as every person and every couple is different, so will it be with the solutions to overcome your hurdles.
Because you will be finding the answers to your problems on a trial and error basis, it's very important for you to keep track of what you've done, and how well it's worked for you. This is where keeping a "solution journal" will be invaluable to you. A way for you to keep track of "what works", and "what doesn't work".
In your journals, try to describe what the exact situation was, what "actions" you took, your partner's immediate reactions, and their reactions in the days that follow.
The exact format you use to do this isn't as important as the fact that you ARE keeping a tab on what you're doing, and are beginning to develop some sort of systematic approach with your efforts. To really see what things you try that are succedding, even if the results aren't just exactly as you had planned!
Does anyone have any examples of what they might want to log into a solution-journal?
Hint - It really pays for you to go back through some of your previous posts and threads, and pick out some instances of things you've tried, and the results. Keep these in one place somewhere, where you can have easy access to them. Sometimes, some of our solutions are there, they are just buried deep within some of our other postings.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
In this step, Michele also introduces us to her "Cookbook Of Marriage Saving Strategies". These "recipes" can be used anywhere inside, OR even outside of the house, and not just the kitchen! (Although they WILL help you to get things cookin'! )
These are.....
Choose your battles wisely.
Strike when the iron is cold.
Cheerleading.
Focus on the problem free times.
Which of these recipes have you been able to use to make a difference in your relationship?
Which ones are you most "guilty" of not following?
What parts of any of the examples Michele writes about struck a chord with you? Things that you either already knew, that you knew but didn't practice, or may have opened up some new thoughts for you?
P.S. Like any other recipe that you have, it might not hurt to write these down on an index card, to remind you of the ingredients! You can even carry it with you, and when a situation comes up where you find yourself "reacting" to something, refer back to your cookbook!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
I don't contact H at all. I don't bring up anything to do with the R when he comes around. I bite my tongue so much it's a wonder I still have one.
Results:
H initiates contact. We are still intimate on occasion. He kisses me. He doesn't bring up the big D.
It's kinda funny how sometimes, some of our most powerful actions can be taking no action at all!
From the sounds of this, it sorta looks like your not trying to "fix things", to not try to push things forward, is actually creating some positive movement on his part.
Even though this really might not make a lot of sense, it seems to be working, so what the heck! Might as well go with it, right?!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Keeping in mind that around 60 percent of what couples argue about might never be resolved, which battles are you choosing to fight? Which ones are brought up over and over, without ever getting any resolution?
In the overall scheme of things, how important are some of these things worth fighting about? Are they just annoying and irritating to you, or are they things that you simply can't live without?
Are these things urgent enough that you have to have them resolved "right now", or might "tabling" the issue for awhile bring you better results?
Out of some of the things that you simply can't let go of, what small "victories" could happen that might help you to feel that, even though you aren't completely satisfied with the outcome, you have made some progress? What are some of the signs that things might just be going in the right direction for you?
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
