Hey Shiny! Just dropping in- sounds like the typical ups and downs in life really- but luckily you had that medical hand special to fall back on you crack me up. We watched a breast reduction and enhancement show that totally bummed me out. Decided H didnt need to see all those breasts- although he did comment on mine being perfect..... but you should have seen those poor women. I dont know how you stomach those shows!! Hope you are well and getting very athletic these days !! Shay
Yes it would have to be a light red, wouldn't it, Pam? A merlot perhaps?
Classes went well today, feet not as sore..wore my sandals. Ran around afterwards, called home to find CJ busy trying to fix the washer drain, and then heading out to water the yard. Came home and ordered Chinese take-out.
CJ seemed “off” to me somehow. A little glum?…He did laundry, dishes, and a bunch of other stuff. Hadn’t done any school work today when I got home.
Then mentioned tackling the basement, cleaning out the bird house and repainting it….just seemed a bit eerie, or as if perhaps he’d been on the bb. Didn’t mention it though.
I had some left chest/flank pain after dinner, temp is up a tad more. Not happy about that. Then just as I was cleaning out my hotmail account, Mom calls to tell me that Nana is back in the hospital. Heart failure, lung problems, it seems she’s slipping fast…no 90th birthday party for her, they had to cancel it. I hope she at least makes it to Friday. I will go and see her tomorrow.
It’s been such a long haul for Nana. She’s tired and hurting and wants to “go home” only she thinks she still lives where she raised her kids, she hasn’t lived there in over 20 years.
So sorry about your Nana. Is Friday her 90th birthday?
How soon is your doctors appointment? Can't it be moved up since you are feeling bad?
Maybe CJ is just doing stuff after having a day out yesterday? Maybe you need to send him on a day out more often, at least to get house projects done.
Really glad your feet aren't as sore today. I hate it when I go somewhere and my feet are killing me. Did you get some new shoes?
Hope things are better for you tomorrow. Tonight is a full moon I think it is effecting things! I know they say they can tell when it is a full moon in hospitals. I really think it must effect people some. Almost everyone's thread I read now is having some sort of problems! Including mine! But mine are just me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quoting shinybear: Folks, another idea kept floating around in my mind as I lay in bed, unsleeping until the early hours of the morning.
I have a life philosophy that may sound whacked to other people, but here goes.
I believe in an afterlife. I don't know what it looks like, but I believe that there IS a life review. I believe that WE stand in judgement on ourselves.
I believe that we go through our past experiences, good and bad and relive them from the POV's of the people we've helped AND the people we've hurt.
Could there be a worse hell for someone like Hitler than to live through the agony, grief and horror he inflicted on millions of people?
I THINK that part of our life journey is to acknowledge and atone for our part in hurting others, and that if we don't do it here, we'll just have to do it on the other side.
Thus PART of my wanting CJ to "get it" about these incidents is to help him work through it NOW vs Later. Same for me and the miriad of ways I've hurt him. I'd rather atone and make up for it NOW!
Probably not making much sense, but what the heck!
Shiny
ahem! I hear ya with this stuff shiny, I really do and I have gotten stuck with it myself..but then I stop and realize that it's not my responsibility to make sure anyone gets all their ducks in a row but unless of course that person is me. Have I gotten it? Will I stand judgement..will I pass or fail...etc...our h's and others will "get it" or not in their own time...all we can do is make sure that we "get it" perhaps lead by example???
i wanted to reply to this that you posted in my thread...
Quote: P.S. I think your definition of when you should move to piecing is perhaps too narrow. You may well feel much more like you are piecing before physical intimacy resumes.
here is the thing shiny, and this is based on my religious beliefs. once "intimacy" has occurred - that is the identifying mark of "forgiveness" and "scripturally" if we were "intimate" i would at that point have no basis for divorce. unless of course he does it again and at that time i can make another conscience decision to either stay or go. if i wanted a divorce after we had been "intimate" i could of course get one legally, but scripturally i would not be free to remarry. and neither would he.
since i have already "forgiven" him in my heart, if he decides to leave at this time, he is not free to remarry. i am because he has left me. he would only be free to remarry at the point that i got married first.
BUT - if we become "intimate" then neither of us have grounds.
i hope that made sense. now what this means in regards to piecing?
because i have these beliefs, in my head, i believe he is "with-holding" right now to give me the opportunity to leave with a clear conscience should i still decide to. so him not allowing us to "consumate" the forgiveness means TO ME that he is still sitting on the fence. either for his sake or his belief for mine.
once we have been "intimate" that to me would show that we are ready to work together on this marriage. he knows that step means we (me) cannot go back, we have to make it work.
please tell me that made sense?
that is the reason i am waiting for intimacy before i come to piecing.
Quote: once we have been "intimate" that to me would show that we are ready to work together on this marriage. he knows that step means we (me) cannot go back, we have to make it work.
kitty,
don't know how specific you are being with the word "intimate" but I will tell you that when my h first started to come around...and was trying to come home...though he would intitate physcial contact he would not intitate the actual act itself...he knew how I felt about it...and left it to be my decision when I was ready for it.
I'm saying this because you may be making some assumptions about your h's thinking and why he may not be initiating things...since he was the one to stray perhaps he's leaving it to you to inititate he may not feel it's his place to do so.
I'm sorry to hear about your Nana. There's no getting around it being a sorrowful time when a loved one approaches the end of their journey on this Earth even when they had such a long haul.
Would like to hear what CJ's response to your email was. The way you describe CJ's procrastination, I'm wonder if reason is not two-fold. One being is CJ the kind of person that loses all sense of time while concentrating on a task? If he is not watching a clock, his sense of time that has elapse may be slower than actual. Does he often wonder where the time went after wrapping something up?
It seems certain that when CJ promises to take of something, he has a different timeline to when he is agreeing to take care of it than you do. A follow-up to his promise to take care of something could be to agree upon by when. This way you both agree to the others expectations of what certain schedules are and end up on the same page.
Actually, one other thing ... . Is it possible too, that CJ looks at each promise as an individual item and doesn't put 1 + 1 together to see the pattern of frequently missing schedules? It like he just doesn't realize the trend of missing one after another until it already has your attention and start building resentment from it.
It might be best to approach him about these "broader" points and then mention the taxes and online classes as a way to support your view. It might avoid CJ thinking you are attacking him on just those particular tasks if he doesn't see the connection there and interprets it as you being unsupportive of what he is doing.
Like you did with the bills, perhaps putting a "gameplan" in place to tackle things as a team. Even, if you can't directly help like with the taxes ... ask, "What can I do that will help you in getting this done?" As I had found out, sometimes you have to take one for the "Gipper" in order to get others to pitch in.
So THAT'S how I get others to post to me...just stay off of my own thread for a day!
Hi LL!
Yup and Yup...after I posted my "after life philosophy" I just kind of laughed at myself. Not the belief, but my half-A$$ed reasoning about making it easier on CJ if he atones now!!! The words..."So I'm God now?" came to mind.
you crack me up. We watched a breast reduction and enhancement show that totally bummed me out. Decided H didnt need to see all those breasts- although he did comment on mine being perfect..... 
but you should have seen those poor women. I dont know how you stomach those shows!! Hope you are well and getting very athletic these days 
Heart failure, lung problems, it seems she’s slipping fast…no 90th birthday party for her, they had to cancel it. I hope she at least makes it to Friday. 
But mine are just me. 
. Is it possible too, that CJ looks at each promise as an individual item and doesn't put 1 + 1 together to see the pattern of frequently missing schedules? It like he just doesn't realize the trend of missing one after another until it already has your attention and start building resentment from it.