Yes Sage, I really need to figure out a decent plan for meals. Last year it was easy...breakfast at 8, lunch at 1, dinner around 7. Since I'm now teaching until 2:30, and don't get out of there till nearly three...it's just not good!
As for the sleep, I think that after this week it will be much better. Already I got to bed a bit earlier last night, got up before noon today! Should make it easier to get to sleep tonight.
I DO think that having had to do the urine collections and waiting for my urologist app't next week has been preying on me. I've been doing a good job of ignoring my kidney problem, but the fact is...it has been full of stones for a year now. How big they are now is anyone's guess.
Me being the sole "bread winner" puts extra pressure on. Also, as CJ was not at ALL supportive of me when I was ill last year, it brings back feelings of terrible vulnerability.
I agree that CJ and I need to sit down and discuss both of our needs and expecations for this next year.
Why is it still sticking in my craw (how's that for an expression from the past???) that he has NOT made the time to call or visit the accountants he hired to fix the income tax fiasco of 2000??? Girls, we MAY have as much as 10 thousand dollars owing to us!!! I KNOW he didn't file taxes for 2002, I'm not even sure if he picked up the proper papers for it from his office before he was "structured out".
Is it just me, or does this seem ludicrously irresponsible???
We also have a leak under our washing machine which has been ongoing for months now...I just did a couple of loads on Sunday and noticed patches of disgusting mould growing on the towel he threw in front of the machine to sop up the water. I mentioned it and he said "I'll take a look at it, it's probably...." Has he looked? Nope.
Also, the basement is back to looking like a bottle factory. Cases and cases of beer empties, dozens of empty wine bottles. We have curb-side recycling and the beer store is literally a 1 minute drive from here.
Sure, I could load that stuff up and do it myself. But I imagine that just like the mess in the yard, CJ would butt in and ask why I'm doing it...promise to do it himself (as he did a YEAR ago) and then NOT.
So here's where my resentment of his time on-line is based. There are things that he's promised to take care of that he ISN'T...things which if he took out even an hour a day, he COULD.
Perhaps it's a sense of deja vu...when he got caught up in the chat lines and A's he had no interest or time for anything around here. Now it's school, but the results around here are the same.
Oh crap, I gotta get off here and do some work on my teaching dossier.
I'm going to think about an e-mail to send to CJ while I work. I'll post it here first.
Quote: Sure, I could load that stuff up and do it myself. But I imagine that just like the mess in the yard, CJ would butt in and ask why I'm doing it...promise to do it himself (as he did a YEAR ago) and then NOT.
try not to imagine what he will do in reaction to your taking action with things that are bothering you... I'm sure he'd rather you get rid of the mess that is causing you resentment rather than leaving it there and harboring ill feelings toward him for it not being cleaned. I could easily sit and wait for h to get around to something that isn't bothering him but is grating on my nerves...or I could take action because I want it done and if by chance he were to say...why are you doing that...I said I would take care of it...I'd try to simply say I had the time and just wanted to get it started. If he then chose to help fine, if not..well then what was bothering me got done.
sharing a home can lead to many "problems" when things are expected to be taken care of by one or the other but the lines aren't clear...if it seems that the basement doesn't bother cj then perhaps keeping it clear of bottles shouldn't be his "job" but something that is more significant to him should be.
Okay, so I couldn't settle in to work until I got this draft done. Haven't sent it yet of course!
Dear CJ
I’m very sorry for your send off this morning. When Doug called last night I was thrilled that you were getting out of the house to do something fun on your own for the first time this summer.
I’ll admit that I was also happy for the opportunity to have the house to myself for a day. Something that I have not had in a very long time. I envisioned working, making some phone calls and doing a full work out (kidney willing).
I think we need to sit down and perhaps draw up a game plan for how to handle our schedules and expectations for this school year.
I was a bit surprised by how exhausted I was after yesterday’s classes. I am also quite anxious about the state of my kidney health. The low fever remains, the pain is persisting today, although low grade. My appointment is next week. I am NOT thinking the worst, but there are some less than great possible outcomes here.
So all of this has been feeding my rather down mood of late, not to mention this never-ending headache. FYI I am in need of a neck rub 24 hours a day, so any time you care to offer would be great.
About your school work. Yes, you are spending more time on that than either of us anticipated at first. I am PROUD of how well you are doing, and very happy that you are finding it so valuable.
YES, you are doing other stuff…cleaning, mowing, cooking…and I DO appreciate it.
What bothers me I suppose, are some of the bigger things that continue to slide. I can’t quite grasp how, when you know it bothers me to no end, you have made no move to conclude the income tax fiasco of 2000. I KNOW you said you didn’t feel it was urgent, but it is something that bothers me a great deal. Do you have the income tax info for 2002? Why is this something you keep promising to do and then not do it??
When I did laundry on Sunday I noticed large patches of mould on the towel in front of the washer. You mentioned what the problem could be and that you’d look at it.
Why do we have so many empty beer cases when we live one minute away from the beer store? Can’t some of the empty wine bottles go out with the recycling?
And I know that you’re not as good as I am at judging how long dinner preps take, but when you made the calzones, do you remember asking if 7:30 was a good time to eat? I said yes. It was 5:00 then, but you kept working until nearly 7:00. We ate at nearly 10:00 and I was too ill by that time to enjoy it.
I suppose what I should have done is just made myself dinner? I kept offering to help so as to get it ready sooner, but I guess you wanted to do the whole thing for me. Which is sweet, but the timing really sucked!
I think I’m kind of rambling now, so I’ll try to sum up what I intended by this missive. I think we should sit down and discuss how we can BOTH make the upcoming months productive, peaceful, and fulfilling.
Love Susan
P.S. And yes, I caught the sarcastic edge to my comment about your e-mail about cutting back significantly on your school work…I’m sorry.
That is, however, another example of something you “promise” that you don’t follow through on. I don’t WANT you to sacrifice your grades or learning experience, I just feel that there must be a little middle ground we can reach somehow.
Quoting shinybear: Okay, so I couldn't settle in to work until I got this draft done. Haven't sent it yet of course!
Dear CJ
I’m very sorry for your send off this morning. When Doug called last night I was thrilled that you were getting out of the house to do something fun on your own for the first time this summer.
I’ll admit that I was also happy for the opportunity to have the house to myself for a day. Something that I have not had in a very long time. I envisioned working, making some phone calls and doing a full work out (kidney willing).
I think we need to sit down and perhaps draw up a game plan for how to handle our schedules and expectations for this school year.
I was a bit surprised by how exhausted I was after yesterday’s classes. I am also quite anxious about the state of my kidney health. The low fever remains, the pain is persisting today, although low grade. My appointment is next week. I am NOT thinking the worst, but there are some less than great possible outcomes here.
So all of this has been feeding my rather down mood of late, not to mention this never-ending headache. FYI I am in need of a neck rub 24 hours a day, so any time you care to offer would be great.
About your school work. Yes, you are spending more time on that than either of us anticipated at first. I am PROUD of how well you are doing, and very happy that you are finding it so valuable.
YES, you are doing other stuff…cleaning, mowing, cooking…and I DO appreciate it.
I think I’m kind of rambling now, so I’ll try to sum up what I intended by this missive. I think we should sit down and discuss how we can BOTH make the upcoming months productive, peaceful, and fulfilling.
Love Susan
P.S. And yes, I caught the sarcastic edge to my comment about your e-mail about cutting back significantly on your school work…I’m sorry.
the other stuff would probably be best addressed during your conversation of how to make the year ahead peacful and productive....
try not to point out the bad things like the calzone incident or the bottles but instead make those things part of your solutions for a peacful year...a schedule for bringing the bottles to whereever they need to go, a dinner schedule etc.
Yeah, LL, I'm not sending that e-mail. It was more of a venting/journalling kind of thing.
His intentions were good on the calzone night and I don't want to muddy that up. So I think I'll either re-edit and just leave the apology and the suggestion that we work out a schedule and such for the upcoming months.
Just had a nice conversation with H, D's wife...so nice to share stuff with her. I'm going to pass on the 5LL's to her and her H as I think it could do them a whole lot of good too.
How did I miss this one, LL. I only read your last reply.
I agree with the idea that if it bugs me, I should be the one to do something about it. It IS a bit frustrating, however, when he promises to do these things and then doesn't.
I can't take care of the taxes, it's all in his name, his paperwork etc. I can't fix the washer as I don't have the first clue what even to look at. (I could call a repair guy, but again CJ has said HE'D look at it! ).
But I DO think I'll (quietly) pack up some of those beer cases next few trips out of the house (have to practically drive past the beer store to get anywhere I'm going).
Quote: sharing a home can lead to many "problems" when things are expected to be taken care of by one or the other but the lines aren't clear...if it seems that the basement doesn't bother cj then perhaps keeping it clear of bottles shouldn't be his "job" but something that is more significant to him should be.
LL
I agree with this too....only problem is, for the life of me I cannot think of anything around the house/yard that CJ considers important. Or more reasonably, more important than his school work.
Seriously. Had I not proposed we jointly take care of the three months of finances it would still not be done. I think even CJ would agree with that.
Thus that leaves me thinking that I would be left responsible for EVERYTHING around here, as things don't seem to bother him much.
I’m very sorry for your send off this morning. When D called last night I was thrilled that you were getting out of the house to do something fun on your own for the first time this summer.
I hope you guys had a blast...hope D wasn't toooo competetive!
I’ll admit that I was also happy for the opportunity to have the house to myself for a day. Something that I have not had in a very long time. I envisioned working, making some phone calls and doing a full work out (kidney willing).
I was a bit surprised by how exhausted I was after yesterday’s classes. I am also quite anxious about the state of my kidney health. The low fever remains, the pain is persisting today, although low grade. My appointment is next week. I am NOT thinking the worst, but there are some less than great possible outcomes here.
So all of this has been feeding my rather down mood of late, not to mention this never-ending headache. FYI I am in need of a neck rub 24 hours a day, so any time you care to offer would be great.
About your school work. Yes, you are spending more time on that than either of us anticipated at first. I am PROUD of how well you are doing, and very happy that you are finding it so valuable.
YES, you are doing other stuff…cleaning, mowing, cooking…and I DO appreciate it.\
Your offer to make lunch for me after school was thoughtful and touching. (Alas tomorrow I have a chiropractor app't at 3:30).
I think perhaps we should sit down and discuss how we can BOTH make the upcoming months productive, peaceful, and fulfilling.
Love Shiny
P.S. And yes, I caught the sarcastic edge to my comment about your e-mail about cutting back significantly on your school work…I’m sorry.
I don’t WANT you to sacrifice your grades or learning experience, I just feel that there must be a little middle ground we can reach somehow.
Nope no wine. CJ got home around 8:30. He had a tiny bit of a glow on (didn't mention the beers), said he had a great time. Apologized for being late. Asked if I was hungry.
DIDN'T TOUCH OR TURN ON HIS COMPUTER AT ALL.
Agreed that it was really nice to go out and enjoy some of our remaining good weather. We watched a cool Health Channel special on the hand...interesting info I can inject into my lectures on neural capacity. He's asleep already and I'll hopefully be there soon myself.
I'm glad he had a good time today, sounds like it was a nice break for D too.
Something that I have not had in a very long time. I envisioned working, making some phone calls and doing a full work out (kidney willing).
I am also quite anxious about the state of my kidney health. The low fever remains, the pain is persisting today, although low grade. My appointment is next week. I am NOT thinking the worst, but there are some less than great possible outcomes here. 
