Yesterday was non-eventful except we did get into one discussion about what to do next and I asked her what she wanted to do and she said to keep going to MC and see what we can do to fix things. Sounded good to me and thats exactly what we are going to do. Have our next appointment in an hour and I'll give an update afterwards. Hopefully things go good.
Today was a long draining day. She had IC and I was sort of a mess again today. But the night ended well. I was nice and so was she. We didn't go out together but I picked up the kids for dinner and she went shopping for easter stuff for the kids. I got the kids to bed and went downstairs to say goodnight. She was on the computer and I told her goodnight and leaned in to kiss her forehead and she leaned into me too:) I told her sorry for my part in her hard day and we talked light for a minute and then I told her goodnight and she did the same.
I am encouraged by how our night ended and know we will have up and downs but right now I believe we will make it someday! I talked with my friend today and he just found out this morning that his wife was having an EA. Wow, small world! I know exactly what he is going through and we talked for a while and he is actually coming to stay with me for the weekend since money is tight right now and he doesn't want to stay home. He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage now but hopefully he will find peace no matter what his decision is. I am going to encourage him to come here for support.
Tomorrow, I will not be seeing W but will see her on Sat and Sun. Hopefully, this will be a good weekend. I will try to do my part in making that happen!
Well things sound awesome and that you are doing well. Why aren't you going to see her today? She sounds like she is warming up....so I would just keep doing what you're doing and not add any new tricks just yet. Hold the line.
The reason I am not going to see her tonight is my friend that I mentioned in last post is coming to stay with me tonight. Plus I will be with her and the kids for the rest of the weekend. Today we have both been very cordial to each other and I have been in a good mood when we talked. Trying to break my habit of being down around her as it is draining her and so far so good today!
Yea, for you realizing that being in a negative mood is draining. It is for you and everyone around you. That is why DB teaches us to act as if we are in a better mood than what we may actually feel. It is like meeting your perspective in-laws for the first time and putting your best foot forward......lol. Hummm.......I'll have to remember that anology!
Seriously, it took me a long time, but I did learn that I was capable of putting on my best face and my best foot forward, and uusually the rest followed....lol. We find out that we can do more than we often give ourselves credit for. We've all been somewhere when we had to be on our best behavior and maybe did not feel so hot on the inside.....so it proves the point, doesn't it? I read a long time ago that if we pretended to be like the person we wanted to be--that one day...we would become that person. Learning not to allow my bad moods to control my behavior was a hard lesson, but I found out I could do it if I wanted to badly enough. I also did an expierment many years ago after ready yet another book and took a situation that would have normally made me very angry and I would have ruined everyone's visit and made my H miserable.......and "chose" to make the best of it and I was fun and relaxed and everyone had a great time....including "me"! The added bonus was that my H came to me later and told me how proud he was of me. I could tell he was quite surprised. So, we have the power to do pretty much what we choose to do. Don't know how encouraging that is or isn't, but for whatever it's worth.....there it is...
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Another good day I was very pleasant today and in a good mood all day and night. Took the kids to see Hannah Montana Movie today while W got things ready for Easter lunch tomorrow. Didn't really spend much time as a family today due to other things but the time we did have was good if not great. S had baseball practice today which I coach and afterward we both went to dinner and happened to run into my in-laws. S and I ate with them and had a good meal and conversation. Then went home to do eggs with kids and had fun. After getting kids to bed, W came downstairs as I was leaving and we hugged and I left. Its amazing how nice and responsive she is when I am not in a bad or down mood. Sandi you are definitely right!!! Thank you for keeping up with me and giving me your insights. Excited about tomorrow and spending the day with W and kids!
I'm with SLH...I think the sil saying your w is crazy and that they all notice your changes is great, and her comment about you "moving on" was not to punish the wife, but to wake her up.
Just a thought.
Good luck,
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
We had another great day! We all went to eat as a family with SIL and her family and W's parents and grandparents. W wore the dress I bought her for Christmas for the first time and wore her wedding ring for the first time in a while. I was VERY happy to see those things and she was absolutely stunning in the dress. We had a good day all around and sorry to see it over. My neighbors are looking likely to go through a divorce and it is hitting my W pretty hard and it may be waking her up a bit. My SIL told me today that W told MIL that this has really made her think twice about this and especially with how nice and great I have been being overall since she dropped the bomb. Even though we had a great day, I could tell she was a little distant like she was deep in thought. I will continue my "as if" tomorrow and continue to be the compassionate H and friend.
Well, all sounds very very well at your ranch! Keep it up and keep up with the PMA. The dress and the ring need to go in your journal as triumphs for sure!
Another good day. Nothing special, but nothing bad and no back sliding for 4 consecutive days!!! I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is definitely a change for us lately and is very encouraging to me. W has been very pleasant to me and we have talked some today and then more at D's bball game tonight. We are both stuck (me more so) in our neighbors impending divorce and it is very stressful for us both but I think we are learning a lot from it. I hope this helps to wake her up and I think it may just do that. I feel really bad for my friends but I don't see any way for them to come out of it.
I am continuing to work on me and have read some books recently and am almost done with "Love without Hurt" and it is very enlightening. My next read will be "Hold onto your Nutts". Still working on my patience and continue to get better in that regard each day. I have been happier and more easy going, especially the last 4 days as I made up my mind that enough is enough with the pity party!
and took a situation that would have normally made me very angry and I would have ruined everyone's visit and made my H miserable.......and "chose" to make the best of it and I was fun and relaxed and everyone had a great time....including "me"! The added bonus was that my H came to me later and told me how proud he was of me. I could tell he was quite surprised. So, we have the power to do pretty much what we choose to do. Don't know how encouraging that is or isn't, but for whatever it's worth.....there it is... 