I wish I would have learned of DivorceBusters before seeking couples counseling. 20 minutes into the first session the PhD declared the marriage over and began working on 'moving on to become happy in the rest of our lives.' I attended two more sessions thinking more discussion would open things up but I'm not doing any more with this counselor. Someone different please.
She (WAW) visited a counselor just one visit before dropping bomb on me (love you as a friend not as a lover thing), basically just to confirm her decision. It sounds like the C was all over it and urged her all the way. She's visited her once after and declared herself done with counseling.
So anyway, I feel like a lot of damage has been done. My plan is to wait awhile, work on myself, and then trying to schedule with a counselor more familiar with DB and who also does reconcilation (found one). Right now I feel very strong, very confident, and very committed to making changes in my life. How do I tell her I don't want to visit PhD who is just trying to talk me out of being married but instead someone who will really work on us? I feel it's important to make sure we've covered everything. I'm afraid if she gets the slightest hint of a reconciliation idea she will back off.
b
(My situation - WAW dropped the bomb Feb. Love you as a friend not as a lover thing. Wants informal separation beginning May. Agreed to 6 months no lawyers or paperwork. On very friendly terms (I am very committed in my life to fairness, peace, and always returning kindness). 2 kids. Wants me to be part of life as friend but not married. Financially the sep is going to hurt both of us a lot. )
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I wish I would have learned of DivorceBusters before seeking couples counseling. 20 minutes into the first session the PhD declared the marriage over and began working on 'moving on to become happy in the rest of our lives.' I attended two more sessions thinking more discussion would open things up but I'm not doing any more with this counselor. Someone different please.
She (WAW) visited a counselor just one visit before dropping bomb on me (love you as a friend not as a lover thing), basically just to confirm her decision. It sounds like the C was all over it and urged her all the way. She's visited her once after and declared herself done with counseling.
So anyway, I feel like a lot of damage has been done. My plan is to wait awhile, work on myself, and then trying to schedule with a counselor more familiar with DB and who also does reconcilation (found one). Right now I feel very strong, very confident, and very committed to making changes in my life. How do I tell her I don't want to visit PhD who is just trying to talk me out of being married but instead someone who will really work on us? I feel it's important to make sure we've covered everything. I'm afraid if she gets the slightest hint of a reconciliation idea she will back off.
b
(My situation - WAW dropped the bomb Feb. Love you as a friend not as a lover thing. Wants informal separation beginning May. Agreed to 6 months no lawyers or paperwork. On very friendly terms (I am very committed in my life to fairness, peace, and always returning kindness). 2 kids. Wants me to be part of life as friend but not married. Financially the sep is going to hurt both of us a lot. )
I think a good therapist shouldn't have any preconceived ideas re: reconciliation or divorce, and be open to all possibilities. If your wife is open to MC, then def. you shuold try a different therapist. If not, you could just do IC and DB and work on yourself. Karen
