WAW New life with OM #2

[ppenton]

I guess I locked my thread

I was thinking this morning that I need to do a better job or being more upbeat when I see W. I'm not down or clingy when I see her just not as energetic as I would like to be around her. Something I need to work on and maybe this will cross over to other areas of my life.

Last Thread .

[ppenton]

Took S15 & his girlfriend and S13 to my parents for lunch. Then I'm leaving to go to my fantasy baseball draft with my buddies, which is always fun. We have the draft at a local pizza place, so we can have good food and some beers (not that I'm drinking right now during Lent) but its fun anyway

[ppenton]

Well, had a good time at the draft. We had 11 guys show up and the draft took about 4 hours including eating lots of good pizza

Need to get to bed as S15 needs a ride tomorrow morning at 5:45 to baseball practice. They are practicing indoors cause of the snow we got today. Wonder if he'll have a game on Tuesday...

[ppenton]

Today at work things were slow, so had lots of time to think and pray. After work took a long walk and then came home to make steaks for dinner. The kids are really getting into eating more meat nowadays. After dinner I went grocery shopping which I never minded doing as W hates shopping for anything (well she used to when she lived here). After I finished putting the food away I asked S15 if he wanted to drive tonight. He needs to get his hours in and so we drove to my parents house and back, took about 45 minutes. While we were there S15 helped his grandfather setup a Facebook account

Did see W while preparing dinner tonight for about 5 minutes as she stopped by to check on the kids. I put on a happy face and looked her in the eyes while we talked about kid stuff. She tried to be playful with S15 but he doesn't want anything to do with her still. S13 is more receptive to her and she does spend more time with him as he is not angry at her, at least not yet.

[ppenton]

Today it rained most of the day, so S15's game was canceled.
I came home and made dinner for the boys and my parents, we made burgers on the George Foreman grill

Then I went for a walk when the sun broke through which was fine until I was about half way done and then a storm rolled in. I got soaked and it even hailed on me. By the time I got home the storm passed and the sun came out again. It still felt great to be out walking! My parents and the kids were playing a board game. After they left I had to log into work and the kids went to play XBOX.

Talked with W a few times today (more than usual) because S13 was not feeling well today. It was nice to talk with her even though she was calling from OM's house.

Now I'm tired and have to drive S15 to school at 5:30am tomorrow as he has baseball practice before school.

[ppenton]

Does anyone has advice of what I should be doing besides GALing and detaching which I have been doing pretty well with...I'm not sure if I'm detaching too much as I know many people struggle with this. I don't want W to think I don't care or love her anymore.

[runningoutoftime]

Get a Harley.

Just kidding!!! What 180's have you been doing?

I think you should try being a little more mysterious. Do you always tell her everything you are doing?

[SmileysPerson]

Get a Harley! And a hot girlfriend! And a Gulfstream! And one of those cool Aston-Martin drop-tops! And a hot girlfriend for the hot girlfriend!

And that would make you every bit as superficial as WAS.

Be yourself -- but the "yourself" you want to be for the boys. If that's not good enough for her, then you know something about her, don't you?

Our sitch's are almost identical, except for the age of the kids, and our ages (+/- a couple years).

Seems a lot of WAW's in our age group. I'm DB'ing, she's up on the Get Yer Totally Awesome Divorce Gals home page.

I am what I am, says SP the Secret Man. If it's not good enough for her, I'm sure it will be for someone else. But most importantly, I'm sure it will be for the children who depend on me.

[ppenton]

SP, I agree and have been following you sitch closely, my W is not nearly as mean as yours is right now. My W likes to hang out with divorce men and women but have no idea why nor do I care. Yes, being superficial has crossed my mind but it's not me nor would I ever want to be like that and I don't think LBSs would go down that path.

I have not been telling W everything I do. If she asks me what I'm doing for the weekend or something, I tell her I'm going out or I may tell her something specific if I want to. We hardly see each other unless we are at a kid's sporting event or she stops by the house after I get home from work, which is very unusual for her since she moved out. She doesn't spend much time at our house even though the kids are there. I only call her if its about the kids or finances and I don't always answer the phone when she calls me.

My 180s (so far) have been to be more assertive and confident which has been working for me at my job, as my boss has been giving me more responsibilities and opportunities to run meetings, project and demos. Another, not so much a 180 is to talk with the kids more, I always was around for the kids but now I have them so much more of the time that I get to interact with them a lot more Still trying to figure out what other 180s to do as I always liked myself the way I am and my W used to love who I am, so I'll keep going along and show my kids that I can make it with or without W.

Also, I know to keep patient and keep living which I am doing. Many people who know what I'm going through, say how great I have been doing, so I must be doing something right. Doesn't always feel right in regards to my M but it feels right for me. I have made new friends and re-connected with some old ones and starting to enjoy life again. Praying has helped me get through rough spots during the day as has reading and posting to this board. Thanks!

[ppenton]

Well, good thing I learned and remembered to listen and validate: I was talking with W about S13 stomach pains which we agreed on what to do next as far as taking care of him. Then she went on to say how the last few weekends she was around a lot for the kids and that she is going out of town on Friday night to Saturday morning. I said that's fine (while I'm thinking that you have not been around much on the weekends as I'm the one who is driving them places and feeding them but I know in her head she thinks she is spending all this time with her kids) I'll have to get my parents to come over on Friday as I have a group support session, which I didn't tell W that I would not be home.