Been having a great time. Caught ALOT of fish including a 5ft long Lemon Shark yesterday and caught on ultralight rod, that WAS FUN!! We just got back from fishing again today and had fun again. It has been a weird trip in that I have been on and off with thinking about W and sitch. Sometimes not at all and other times, I can't STOP thinking about it. I haven't really called or texted W except a few times and none today, but she hasn't me either, which sux. I kind of hoped she would miss me but I don't think that is the case.
We had a backslide on Saturday before I left and it was my fault. I don't remember all of the details, but I was kind of mad that day for some reason and don't really know why. We had her bday party and her parents kept dropping hints all night how I had planned everything and gotten the cake, ect. It was obvious to me, so I am sure it was to her also. Anyway, when we got home I played with the kids and then said I was leaving. She said why don't you stay for a while and I was mad (for some unknown reason) and said no that I was leaving. She then got mad and came over to my car and was saying how she was being nice and I was doing this and I said that I know and I would talk to her later and then left. Big stupid me. I don't know why I did that, but I did. I called her later to apologize and tell her goodnight and that went ok, but I wish that I would have stayed.
We head back to Miami tomorrow night and then I come back home on Thursday. I will check in again probably later tonight and then again tomorrow. I haven't had a chance to check on everyone's thread, so I hope all of you are doing ok.
I understand. Sometimes, you just have what I like to call a "nutty". And I think you were irritated by her parents. But I think what you and I need to remember is that your W's and my H's reactions to something are not going to be the same as our reactions. And apparently, the in-laws dropping hints like that seemed to have a great impact on her because she asked you to stay. Leaving was not a bad move. I think that is a 180 and threw her off, which is good at this point. Make her wonder "Who is this guy? I don't know him, but I'd like to! He's sexy!" And sometimes, I can be completely in my "no thinking about H" zone and other times, I can't shake H out of my mind. That does suck and it's so arbitary as to when it's going to happen. Glad you had a blast, you deserved it. And her not calling you.....doesn't mean at all that she doesn't miss you. I think with the situation the way it is, it's a good sign. She's trying to be tough guy.
Not understanding why you were feeling irritated on her birthday and not knowing the reason behind the emotions you were feeling.......can that help you in some small way to see how mixed up her emotions are also? I may have told you already, but there were days that my feeling changed up and down so drastic until I hardly was certain who I was......in fact, I was questioning that.....who was I any more.
Just wanted to point that out since I was an AWAW and the terrible mixed up feelings you have and try to find the reasons and don't know why and it is so easy to point your finger and say that it is all the H's fault. I'm not taking up for her bad behavior.....just trying to help you maybe understand her a bit.
Take care, Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Definitely insightful! I never thought of it like that. I know she is going through the ringer trying to figure out what to do. She is lost and has told as much.
I am back home now from my trip and anxious to see my kids. Just talked to W and asked what their plans were for the night as I wanted to see them. She told me that D is spending night with a friend and W is going out with a friend so that leaves me and little man, which is fine as we will have fun, but kind of disappointed that we are not all gonna be together..... oh well, can't have it all.
W told me that she went to our MC today alone as scheduled and we are going together on Monday. Nothing much else to report, but I am glad to be home and will be checking in here more often.
That is one reason I keep on saying to try not to focus and put so much "meaning" behind here mood swings. Don't obsess over what she says or doesn't say b/c more than likely, it will change almost hourly. I would be shocked at myself to see how quickly my emotions or mindset would turn over. That was a small part of my feeling like there were days that I was having a nervous break-down b/c I could not get "control" of myself or my stitch.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I echo those sentiments. The whole mind reading rarely helps us but it sure can beat us up. Plus the idea that her NOT calling means she was NOT thinking of you or missing you, is just not realistic. Who knows what she felt or thought? Who really cares? I mean the minute by minute stuff does NOT matter. Yeah, too bad she invited you and you said no. But then again it was a 180, right?
Heck, truth be told, there are days my moods change hourly and I KNOW the feminist in my hates admitting that....so I just don't make calls at those times. She's confused.. That's all you "know", and by the way, so are you...
Oh well. You really are making progress so keep your eye on the big picture and enjoy your moments with the kids...
the universe will throw some good things your way so be ready for that to happen.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It looks like the OM deal is definitely over and was just an EA at best, my mind seemed to run away with me on what it actually was. Right now, my M is still the same. W is very confused about the future (as am I) but she tells me that she she wants to "want our M to get better" but she isn't sure how to go about it right now. She tells me that she loves me and cares about me and wants our R to improve no matter in what capacity. I want that too, but I want more. I guess I backslid some in getting into this discussion, but it was not a fight. We were just discussing and doing it calmly. She wasn't baiting me or being mean, just being honest and confused and I respect that.
Right now, I am the one that is keeping things from healing and getting better. I keep getting my feelings hurt and then do stupid things. My up and downs are keeping her confused and me from being attactive enough and safe enough to come back to. I honestly think if I could just let go of everything and focus on 180, GAL, ect instead of constantly reading too much into every little word or action, I will defeat this disaster. She wants to come back to me, she doesn't know how and I am making it worse.
The mind is so crazy. I know what to do and I know that things are ok and then my mind runs with something and then I react to fiction instead of fact when I KNOW ITS FICTION!?!
Okay, here comes a 2x4, so brace yourself. You better get this and get it straight. I have been there, brother, and if you don't get your act together real quick (like today) she will be out that door! Is that what you want? Then straighten the hell up. What is wrong with you? She said she wanted to work on the M? Do you realize how lucky you are? I sure as heck did not want to work on my M! I grieved over the OM for months on end and fantisised about him every night when I went to bed and wanted to call him, email him, etc. Don't you dare consider it being "just" and EA b/c you have no idea how strong and powerful an EA is for a woman who is unhappy in her M. Right now, she is very, very fragile and she doesn't need an a$$ for a H. She needs a man that will be patient and give her gentleness and forgiveness and most of all don't press her with your "needs" right now b/c she is doing all she can do. Give her credit for that and for making the right choice to stay with you. Don't mess up now for gosh sakes!
I got to tell you that this will not be over in a week or two.....even with her trying hard to get over OM and to work on the M. Don't press her about sex or being overly romantic and smothering her. Take things slow and ease back into the R.
Quote:
I want that too, but I want more.
I'm sure you do want more, but again I have to tell you that you have no idea how blessed you are that she even told you that she loved you and cared for you and wanted to work at your M. Can't you see that? Are you so wrapped up in what you want right this minute that you can't be grateful for what she has decided to do and give her some time to make that transition? I can tell you up front that I certainly did not give my H any of that "hope" that your W gave you. I told him that I did not know if I would ever have any feelings for him again and I had no desire to work at the M, but I had to stay under the same roof with him. So, how would you have like to hear that from your wife? Do you see what I am saying here? I see her giving you hope for a future together, but it doesn't seem to be enough b/c you want "more". Well, all I can say is you are going to mess it up if you aren't careful. You better get your head together and start thinking DBing and stop that back sliding if you don't want to lose her.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
